GhostlyMark
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- Posted: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 04:00:07 +0000
http://noisey.vice.com/blog/the-123-worst-musicians-of-all-time
Here's all the rap/rnb related ones:
BEASTIE BOYS
Obnoxious, ironic white boys taking the hot sound of black America, white-washing it, and half-assedly farting it back on over to the suburbs? Is that a description of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis? Nope! It’s the Beastie Boys. If the Beasties came out in 2014, we’d all ******** hate them.
BEYONCÉ™
Beyoncé™ sings like the member of the choir who no one likes trying to show off, but the only people Beyoncé™ is showing off to are her corporate sponsors. No matter how many GIFs you make of Beyoncé™, you will never manage to make one of her being sincere.
DR. DRE
A one-hot-album-every-22-years-and-counting average is apparently all it takes to be a rap genius these days.
EMINEM
Thank you, Eminem, for convincing a generation of white people that rap was nothing more than screeching homophobic, misogynistic slurs at the top of your lungs. The real Slim Shady should stand up at the top of a cliff and then fall off.
ERIC B & RAKIM
Undoubtedly the best rap act from an era that produced exactly zero records anyone still listens to.
MARVIN GAYE
How big of an a*****e do you have to be to have your dad shoot you?
JAY Z
Literally only got famous because Biggie died.
NAS
You know in Peanuts, how Charlie Brown’s always trying to kick the football and Lucy keeps moving it at the last second? That’s what it’s like to be a Nas fan, and he’s Lucy. This guy's so-called classic album crams way too many words into every verse in an attempt to prove he’s brilliant, rather than just showing us how brilliant he can be. Listening to it feels like running on a treadmill with your ears, but because it offered the sheer shock of actually forcing listeners to pay attention to music for once, Illmatic became mislabeled as a hip-hop classic whose legacy Nas would never be able to follow up on. Still, by offering just enough scraps of promise, Nas was able to convince his fans he somehow deserved the title of greatest rapper ever and trick them into listening to a series of underwhelming albums with terrible beats and overwrought concepts for perpetuity. Plus, the diss track that supposedly cemented his legacy peaks by calling Jay Z a gay slur in a shitty insult rap that doesn't even rhyme.
NOTORIOUS B.I.G./TUPAC
Aren’t these two just the same guy?
N.W.A.
You know a rap group is legendary and full of talent when half the members in it don't even write their own raps.
OUTKAST
No one likes Outkast because he turned rap into a fashion-oriented top 40 freakshow, abandoning the true lyricism that the genre was founded on in favor of following his own agenda about promoting Southern soul. This guy was indulgent enough to make a double album with two sides that didn’t even really fit together, and then he had the temerity to do a reunion tour where he just played festivals instead of catering to the real fans who have been with him since day one.
PUBLIC ENEMY
Maybe they'd be OK if they tried rapping about anything anyone actually cared about instead of politics, but then again, they'd still probably sound like your uncle lecturing you with a clock radio as a backing track.
OTIS REDDING
This guy’s “best” song was “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay,” and he didn’t even bother to finish it.
THE ROOTS
“Everyone’s favorite late night television sideshow” isn’t quite immortal cred. It’d be easy to criticize their other music, but no one has heard any of it.
RUN DMC
These guys have always sounded like dads, and, like dads, now people just assume they're cool because they're old when in fact they're lame and obsessed with Aerosmith.
A TRIBE CALLED QUEST
Every Tribe song sounds like the hardest quest involved was how to get from one end of a hopscotch game to the other. The only “it” they should have kicked was “the bucket.”
KANYE WEST
He’s okay, but he’s really a better producer than a rapper.
WU-TANG CLAN
Oh cool, a bunch of nerds rapping about kung-fu. Shaolin’s probably not even a real place.
Here's all the rap/rnb related ones:
BEASTIE BOYS
Obnoxious, ironic white boys taking the hot sound of black America, white-washing it, and half-assedly farting it back on over to the suburbs? Is that a description of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis? Nope! It’s the Beastie Boys. If the Beasties came out in 2014, we’d all ******** hate them.
BEYONCÉ™
Beyoncé™ sings like the member of the choir who no one likes trying to show off, but the only people Beyoncé™ is showing off to are her corporate sponsors. No matter how many GIFs you make of Beyoncé™, you will never manage to make one of her being sincere.
DR. DRE
A one-hot-album-every-22-years-and-counting average is apparently all it takes to be a rap genius these days.
EMINEM
Thank you, Eminem, for convincing a generation of white people that rap was nothing more than screeching homophobic, misogynistic slurs at the top of your lungs. The real Slim Shady should stand up at the top of a cliff and then fall off.
ERIC B & RAKIM
Undoubtedly the best rap act from an era that produced exactly zero records anyone still listens to.
MARVIN GAYE
How big of an a*****e do you have to be to have your dad shoot you?
JAY Z
Literally only got famous because Biggie died.
NAS
You know in Peanuts, how Charlie Brown’s always trying to kick the football and Lucy keeps moving it at the last second? That’s what it’s like to be a Nas fan, and he’s Lucy. This guy's so-called classic album crams way too many words into every verse in an attempt to prove he’s brilliant, rather than just showing us how brilliant he can be. Listening to it feels like running on a treadmill with your ears, but because it offered the sheer shock of actually forcing listeners to pay attention to music for once, Illmatic became mislabeled as a hip-hop classic whose legacy Nas would never be able to follow up on. Still, by offering just enough scraps of promise, Nas was able to convince his fans he somehow deserved the title of greatest rapper ever and trick them into listening to a series of underwhelming albums with terrible beats and overwrought concepts for perpetuity. Plus, the diss track that supposedly cemented his legacy peaks by calling Jay Z a gay slur in a shitty insult rap that doesn't even rhyme.
NOTORIOUS B.I.G./TUPAC
Aren’t these two just the same guy?
N.W.A.
You know a rap group is legendary and full of talent when half the members in it don't even write their own raps.
OUTKAST
No one likes Outkast because he turned rap into a fashion-oriented top 40 freakshow, abandoning the true lyricism that the genre was founded on in favor of following his own agenda about promoting Southern soul. This guy was indulgent enough to make a double album with two sides that didn’t even really fit together, and then he had the temerity to do a reunion tour where he just played festivals instead of catering to the real fans who have been with him since day one.
PUBLIC ENEMY
Maybe they'd be OK if they tried rapping about anything anyone actually cared about instead of politics, but then again, they'd still probably sound like your uncle lecturing you with a clock radio as a backing track.
OTIS REDDING
This guy’s “best” song was “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay,” and he didn’t even bother to finish it.
THE ROOTS
“Everyone’s favorite late night television sideshow” isn’t quite immortal cred. It’d be easy to criticize their other music, but no one has heard any of it.
RUN DMC
These guys have always sounded like dads, and, like dads, now people just assume they're cool because they're old when in fact they're lame and obsessed with Aerosmith.
A TRIBE CALLED QUEST
Every Tribe song sounds like the hardest quest involved was how to get from one end of a hopscotch game to the other. The only “it” they should have kicked was “the bucket.”
KANYE WEST
He’s okay, but he’s really a better producer than a rapper.
WU-TANG CLAN
Oh cool, a bunch of nerds rapping about kung-fu. Shaolin’s probably not even a real place.
