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Breaking pie news! The first three low-achieving contenders have been knocked out of the Pie Hard running today:

  • Evil Timmy (AKA T-Bone) failed to translate his Smooth Jazz Countdown fame into Pie Hard popularity-- perhaps everyone felt a little uncomfortable stuffing a child with pies (especially an evil one).

  • Vaguely sleazy casino dealer Russell Ace likewise had a hard time generating heat on the pie court; despite making every effort to cheat his way to victory, he'll be among the first to go.

  • Movie star Ron Bruise seemed unable to keep up with the rigorous physical demands of the contest, bowing out early due to "prior commitments." Inside sources claim that Bruise's agents mercifully pulled him from the event early due to a total lack of fan interest.

No word yet on the losers' plans; this reporter can only speculate that they'll be returning shame-faced to their hovels to lick their blueberry-smeared wounds. Watch this thread for further elimination updates!
This just in: three more contenders have been eliminated from Pie Hard!

  • Old Man Logan just couldn't rally enough fans to make the cut-- perhaps feeding gooey pies to a man with a large beard was just too disgusting to take.

  • Auto shop hunk Edy's also been bumped off the list, with his fans clearly unwilling to tarnish his masculine image with such frivolity.

  • Despite his background as an amateur entertainer, Lex couldn't keep an audience interested in his campy pie showmanship.

Stay tuned for more eliminations!
The third round of eliminations is upon us, and Pie Hard is losing a few more challengers:

  • Despite his prodigious ability to take in food, Leon never really hit his stride. Back to Barton, fallen hero!

  • Ruby failed to stand out among all the competition, but it's not all over for her family-- her son Peyo is still going strong.

  • Mirai is clearly feeling the sting of being eliminated before Barrett, but her faith in the formerly-mighty Overseer will get her through it.

Keep on feeding your favorite personalities-- the eliminations will keep on coming!
Three more contenders down in this increasingly cutthroat pie-eating contest!

  • Despite her enthusiastic fan base, Josie didn't quite make the cut.

  • Dr. Singh couldn't muster enough support to make it to the finals-- perhaps Gaians still resent her shabby treatment of poor, blameless Timmy?

  • What's that? Sasha's been eliminated! Dang it! At the risk of sounding unprofessional, this reporter is wicked bummed, because this reporter placed a fairly large wager on Sasha.

Stay tuned for further elimination updates!
Further whittling in the Pie Hard field! Three more contenders have been knocked out:

  • With Jinx out of the running, Gold Mountain's Pie Hard hopes are pinned entirely on Becky.

  • Lance may sling packages around all day, but he just couldn't handle the heavy lifting required for a serious pie challenge.

  • Despite her popularity as a shop owner, Vanessa couldn't parlay her salon success into pie glory.

Stay tuned for another set of brutal eliminations tomorrow!
Three more Pie Hard contestants are crushed under the weight of a thousand pies!

  • Such a shame that nobody wanted to feed Ol' Pete pies, since he's clearly the hungriest contestant.

  • With Barrett out of the picture, the hopes of the Phin Phang team are now fully dashed.

  • It's surprising that Bludeau made it this long, actually. Why wasn't he already disqualified for being a robot? An elk is one thing, but come on...

Stay tuned for more tragic failures!
Things are getting intense! Three more contenders have fallen, narrowing the field within a hair's breadth of our six finalists.

  • Rigel & Mintaka have been eliminated today-- perhaps their celestial haughtiness was just too inscrutable for the public.

  • It's a Cash Shop double whammy! Flynn has also been sent packing. Back to space with you, old friend!

  • Last, everyone's favorite tax accountant has been vanquished. I'm just the messenger, Ivan-- don't audit me!

Watch this space for all the latest elimination excitement-- there are only a few days left, so continue to Pie Hard!
We're almost down to the finalists! Three more Pie Hard hopefuls have been knocked out today:

  • Meredith is out of the picture! With her and Ivan gone, Gaia's economic bureaucracy is now totally free of pie.

  • Natasha hung in there for quite a while, but her Pie Hard days are up. Devin is still holding it down for Skin Tyte, though.

  • The evil Von Helson Twins were surprisingly resilient, but now it's all over. They'll go home to their big empty mansion, do a little light weeping and resume pining for Liam.

That's all for today! Check in tomorrow for more Pie Hard news.
The suspense mounts as more Pie Hard players are left in the dust! We're nearing the end of the road, so these eliminated finalists deserve your heartiest cheers for hanging on so long:

  • Monia, Jay and Scuppers may be needy former orphans, but their sympathetic backstory failed to make an impact on hard-hearted pie feeders.

  • It's impressive that little Peyo made it as far as he did, but his juvenile stomach just couldn't handle another pie.

  • Becky's fans kept her afloat for far longer than most of us expected, but she's finally been sent packing.

Stay tuned, pie fans-- the finalists will be chosen next week!
With the final 6 just one round away, the lower-scoring contestants are now hanging on by a thread! Three more pie lovers fell today:

  • Sam's hearty appetite pushed her to great heights, but she just couldn't surpass the stomachs of the elks, grunnies and undead abominations that remain in the lead.

  • This last-minute elimination must hurt Liam, who isn't accustomed to losing athletic competitions. This reporter speculates that he'll ensconce himself in his shop for a few months and turn that pie into lean muscle by doing about 36 million crunches.

  • Farewell, Agatha! You packed down pies with grace and elegance, but in the end, pie-eating contests aren't won by the dignified.

Time for one last big push: the qualifying round ends tomorrow, so there are just two more contestants to cut!
The last two cuts have been made, and the six finalists have been chosen! Let's say goodbye to the final departures:

  • Moira held on longer than anyone expected in her grudge match against Carl, but in the end, her fans just couldn't make the final push.

  • Devin's flexible frame held tremendous powers of pie reserve, but he couldn't quite make the cut.

That's the last of the eliminations-- now comes the countdown to the final round, when the pie prowess of our stalwart finalists will REALLY be put to the test!

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