My director hits on me

[EvilAuthor]

Ok, a friend of mine who's only a few years older then me is directing a show. The play is very serious and deals with cancer. Since that hits way to close to home for me, I asked to help out, but not be in it. He made me stage manager.
Well, now he treats me like his b***h. I'm supposed to be at his beck and call and he talks me in circles so I'm always confused about what he means. He has always kind of flirted. I'm a small blonde with a, ahem, healthy chest so I'm his type, but ever since I got the job as stage manager, he's been crude and tried on multiple occations to grope me. He wasn't like this before so I'm not sure if the power is going to his head.
I'm not sure how to handle it because if I quit, I might not get to work on or off stage with the other directors and acting means a lot to me. On the other hand, I want to set bounderies.
How can I get the director to back off without losing my chance to work on the show? Or more to the point, how can I get rid of this director's attension without risking the favor of all the directors?

[Desert Stars]

Bleh, what a jerk!

I'd be tempted to say, "Look, you need to respect me and keep your hands away, or you'll loose your stage manager." And then make good on it if it keeps it up. Chances are he'll have a hard time finding a better person, and your personal space and security are more important than the play, even if you really want to be a part of it.

[The Lisa Faerie]

Be frank with him. Tell him "Look, I need to do my job. Don't get in my way." Directors may have lots of control over productions, but he cannot force you to do anything outside of your job description unless you agree to it. He cannot force you to get him coffee and he cannot force you to accept groping.

If the other directors are worth anything, they will also disapprove of this director's unprofessional behavior.

[Londo Mollari]

First of all, I would suggest talking to him about it and telling him it makes you feel uncomfortable. Secondly, you are not his b***h, your duties as stage manager are fairly clearly defined, and they do not include things like getting coffee. Also, if he runs you in circles trying to confuse you, stop him and tell him to speak clearly and explain what he wants. If he does not communicate effectively then you cannot do your job.

If he keeps hitting on you despite talking to him about it, you need to take it up with someone higher up. What kind of production is it? Academic, community, professional? If Academic or professional, there are ethical guidelines for behavior which are clearly being violated, in which case you should go to a professor (in the academic situation) or your representative (in the professional situation). If it's a community production, talk to the producer if there is one; if the director is the producer, then your options are pretty much quitting.

If you quit SMing for him because he is hitting on you, just tell that to people you interview for if they ask why you quit. Unless his name is on the cover of a Playbill, he can't have that much influence on your future career.

Hope this helps.

[Amikoa]

im sooooooooooooooooo sorry

[Kalona]

What suggest, is maybey a restraning order.

[Kalona]

Thatmust stink i suggest a dtrsining ode or whatever you call it

[CupK8]

Adib is going in the right direction.

Legally, any organization MUST look into any allegations of sexual harassment. They must investigate and take action if harassment has occured. Now, they are NOT allowed to retaliate against you whether the allegations are "found to be" true or false... b/c we all know that if someone wants something covered up they're going to cover it up.. stare

If they do retaliate against you, you can sue their asses. 3nodding

Not only are you protected by law, but do you really want to work with the kind of people who will let this kind of thing go on? It doesn't sound like a professional company, and even if I were getting paid, I'd rather get paid for doing something that doesn't require that I put up with the gropings of every pervert I work with. stressed

Of course, this is all assuming you are in the US. If your organization does not take action (be it school, theatre company, etc), you need to go to the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The EEOC laws "cover all private employers, state and local governments, and education institutions that employ 15 or more individuals." If your organization does not qualify, then sorry, but you're out of luck on that. And you should start looking for other work.

One thing to keep in mind: if anyone has witnessed anything, get them to speak out! I'm not encouraging threatening them or bribing them, or making something up. But if by any chance someone saw any of this happen, witnesses are VERY good things to have. And make sure you read their page on Sexual Harassment. Good luck. heart

[CupK8]

You know, last time I was posting during lag, it didn't post at all.. even after lag.. shows what I know. sweatdrop

[CupK8]

Sorry for all the posts. crying

[CupK8]

lag lag lag

[CupK8]

*growls at the lag.... again*

[EvilAuthor]

I've talked to the director about it and I talked to his best friend [who happens to be an actor in the show]. My director has apploigized for his advances and agreed to back off at the insitance of his best friend [his friend sided with me xd ]
At rehersal today, the director was well behaved and acted like nothing had happened. It was just like when we were still just friends and he wasn't my boss. That might have been because I sat next to his best friend during the read through, but it's nice to have things back to normal

[Broken_Fang]

I'm glad you got everything squared away with your director...^^

[Errico]

Just tell him to back off and to act like a professional for the time being. No matter what u need to take power into your hands and out of his but don't be too harsh do it so subtly he doesn't know what hit him.