White tears

[Catsdontsuck]

It is a strange land, seemingly ruled by the whims of gods who cannot even keep to seasons. Where elsewhere there are a time of much rain and a time of little in a year and in other places a time of frost and a time of heat, the seasons made no sense in these lands. Sometimes there was a cold so still not even snow would fall and sometimes the temperature remained moderate all year. Maybe it was because of this that none of the peoples in those lands counted years, for how could you tell how much time passed if there are no summers or winters? And what does it matter when one cannot plant anything because the weather might suit one plant in one year and then ruin it for the next five? When there is no way to foretell what is to come or when to start planting even?
No civilised folk wanted these lands. They took them easily from the so called savages who surrendered them knowing the intruders could never stay, not when nothing grows, when people lose track of their precious time and sudden floods and storms and earthquakes may remodel the land, turning a protected valley into a deathtrap with no escape and gentle hills into cliffs or a sea of lava. No city could survive in these lands. And so the conquerors came and left, none of them disturbing the people of the land much in that endless expanse of land.
No civilised people went further than the eastern shore anymore, a mere tradepoint for furs and art and magic. The trade cities were changing hands when new great nations and empires rose up to topple the previous one, but the natives did not care. what need did they have of a small piece of coastline nearest to the other continents? Almost all of it belonged to the natives and the trade cities took the need to build ships and travel to find sources for the goods they wanted.
To the natives, what were a few pieces of the black stone the lava left behind so generously, a few furs they didn't need for anything, the trial pieces from the mage's apprentices and things the more artistic ones couldn't keep because they were in the way when one needed to follow the herds? And they recieved wonderfully warm cloth of good cotton, books of knowledge from all those great nations to gather in their mountain libraries none of the civilised people had ever found, examples of the craftsmanship of hundreds of peoples. New ideas, new concepts, new techniques from a dozen dozen great peoples over time.
None looked for knowledge from them and they saw no reason to give it. They were a secretive, silent, quiet people, one with their land becaise there was no other way.
And all gods of all pantheons, all of them so very human, walked with them on their silent path.

-History of the fifth Continent, before the Lady cried
Quintus Quilius

[terradi]

Reads like the beginning of the exposition for something ... or possibly notes to be included in a story, but not like a complete story in and of itself. I'm assuming this is part of a bigger project? It's not bad, but it feels incomplete.

Watch your tenses. You need to choose present or past and stick to it when referring to these lands. Are you telling us a story of a land from long ago, or a land that still exists?

[Catsdontsuck]

terradi

Reads like the beginning of the exposition for something ... or possibly notes to be included in a story, but not like a complete story in and of itself. I'm assuming this is part of a bigger project? It's not bad, but it feels incomplete.

Watch your tenses. You need to choose present or past and stick to it when referring to these lands. Are you telling us a story of a land from long ago, or a land that still exists?

The tenses are on purpose since sometimes it speaks of the supposed author's present and mostly of the past of the continent. It's meant to be as a kind of prologue written by one of the main characters who is actually a rich young wanabe scholar trying to live with the 'savages' who didn't want to leave anymore and has decided to write a book. The text is written shortly after the realstart of the book and the 'author' of this text is one of the side characters for the moment. I'm still working on the first chapter since I'm unhappy with some things I need to work out first.

[terradi]

I think you need to make it a little clearer when you're switching to past then. Pull in a different opinion if it helps, but to me it reads more like an accidental tense shift than a purposeful one because you're moving from present to past.

[Catsdontsuck]

terradi

I think you need to make it a little clearer when you're switching to past then. Pull in a different opinion if it helps, but to me it reads more like an accidental tense shift than a purposeful one because you're moving from present to past.

Have you ever read a 'travel journal'? They used to be popular in the seventeenth to nineteenth century when there were few reliable sources about other countries, landscapes and so on. I used one of those as an example and basically inserted my own story, copying the style and structure. This part is basically some of the rambling such authors do between actual events and descriptions. I like to use the stile to explain the world, from small things like cooking utensils to bedtime stories for children specific to the culture. Every chapter will have a kind of insert from this fictional author.