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He sighed and turned to the young girl. Rubbing his temples, he looked at her and saw that she had no more interest in this plan than he did. But there was no other way. He knew it, she knew, and soon, the boy would know it too.

"Maria," he said softly. "I'm sorry, but we will need to do something about decreasing his value of a life."


---


The boy stared at the prisoner. Bloodied, chained, bruised, here was a perfect example of what not to do with your life. It was a good thing he was the protege of the wizard who did this as opposed to the enemy.

"Now, Chris," the master prodded gently. "You know what to do."

He nodded and looked at the prisoner. He tried to look strong, fearless, and merciless. The only expression he could manage to summon was one of confusion and hesitation. Afraid to admit that he didn't want to do this, he turned back to his master, hoping to stall.

"Master?" he asked quickly.

"Yes, Chris?" The master wasn't upset at this interruption. Filled with new courage, Chris blurted out his question.

"How do I...I don't remember how to-"

"To fatally wound?" the master interjected. Chris nodded gratefully, though the words were scaring him more and more.

"The heart is the most important organ," the master continued. "Damage it and a person's life is gone. You do remember how to target specific areas, don't you?"

Chris could sense his master's patience waning. Stalling wasn't an option anymore. He tried to stare into the prisoner's eyes, but quickly averted his gaze. Their pleading was too much to bear. Chris took a deep breath and focused on the left side of the prisoner's chest. He drew back his fist as fire began to form around the edges of it. One quick swipe forward and the white-hot ball of energy had hit the prisoner. Flames erupted out of his ragged shirt and penetrated deeper and deeper. A few seconds passed and he was dead.

Chris's eyes widened as he realized what he had just done. He looked to his master in horror, but the master's face was expressionless. His breathing quickened and he slumped to the floor.

---


"Maria, I know you are angry with me," he said. "I am angry with myself as well. I just corrupted an innocent boy. This isn't easy for me!" He leaped to his feet, scattering documents and papers. They floated to the floor, the whiteness seeming to mock him.
"You know we'll have to do this again." Maria stated. The master sighed and left the room. She was right. Again and again and again, until killing meant nothing to the boy.





Thoughts? Opinions?
Come on, will someone please read and comment on this?
Hmm, is this story finished? Or is this just a small part of it? It's not bad, though there isn't much to capture a reader's attention. There's not much conflict, or any real suspense. We don't know anything about Chris's character, or the world he inhabits, so it's hard to get emotionally invested in his story.

Also, isn't the brain the most important organ?
brain and heart are both equally important. Even if the heart CAN beat for a few seconds after the brain is gone, one can still not function without the other.

I would also like to see more of this in time. It captured my attention though I guess that's not very hard to do. biggrin

I would like to read a bit more on how this boy is feeling and what his reaction to this sudden change in morality is going to do to him physically and mentally.
Maltese_Falcon91
Hmm, is this story finished? Or is this just a small part of it? It's not bad, though there isn't much to capture a reader's attention. There's not much conflict, or any real suspense. We don't know anything about Chris's character, or the world he inhabits, so it's hard to get emotionally invested in his story.

Also, isn't the brain the most important organ?


First off,thanks for taking the time to read this. It's a small part of a story I may or may not finish. I guess I can excuse most of the things you said with that, But that's just me getting defensive.


cptflint
brain and heart are both equally important. Even if the heart CAN beat for a few seconds after the brain is gone, one can still not function without the other.

I would also like to see more of this in time. It captured my attention though I guess that's not very hard to do. biggrin

I would like to read a bit more on how this boy is feeling and what his reaction to this sudden change in morality is going to do to him physically and mentally.


Thank you! Glad to hear that I captured your attention. And I may or may not finish it so you might just get to see what happens to Chris.
X-tailerr-X2's avatar

Nerd

Its a pretty good excerpt of a story... But it definitely needs to be longer because I have no idea who this Maria character is or what shes up to, and Id definitely like to know more...

Apart from the vagueness, everything else seems awesome.
X-tailerr-X2
Its a pretty good excerpt of a story... But it definitely needs to be longer because I have no idea who this Maria character is or what shes up to, and Id definitely like to know more...

Apart from the vagueness, everything else seems awesome.


Thank you! It's great to hear that you want to read more. As to Maria...You'll find out if I can get my lazy butt to sit down and have my lazy fingers type it.
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You certainly arrested my attention. I feel this piece has potential as a larger work, though the title could use a little bit of work. I expected something rather mundane, to be entirely honest. I was pleasantly surprised.

I did, however, notice one typo.

madametrixie
"To fatally wound?" the master interjected. Chris nodded gratefully, thought the words were scaring him more and more.


Given the context of the sentence, I assumed you meant though; however, that is an assumption.
Mrs Blunder
You certainly arrested my attention. I feel this piece has potential as a larger work, though the title could use a little bit of work. I expected something rather mundane, to be entirely honest. I was pleasantly surprised.

I did, however, notice one typo.

madametrixie
"To fatally wound?" the master interjected. Chris nodded gratefully, thought the words were scaring him more and more.


Given the context of the sentence, I assumed you meant though; however, that is an assumption.


Yes, I did mean though. lol Oops. Thanks for pointing that out and for the compliment. Glad to hear that you liked it!
Mrs Blunder's avatar

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madametrixie
Mrs Blunder
You certainly arrested my attention. I feel this piece has potential as a larger work, though the title could use a little bit of work. I expected something rather mundane, to be entirely honest. I was pleasantly surprised.

I did, however, notice one typo.

madametrixie
"To fatally wound?" the master interjected. Chris nodded gratefully, thought the words were scaring him more and more.


Given the context of the sentence, I assumed you meant though; however, that is an assumption.


Yes, I did mean though. lol Oops. Thanks for pointing that out and for the compliment. Glad to hear that you liked it!


I'm a horror, thriller, and sci-fi writer. Murder falls in my area of expertise. ^.^
Pretty interesting from what I've read. :o It'd be nice to learn more about Chris and his master, and what kind of people they are. Do you plan on expanding this story?

Also, I'd appreciate it if you gave me some feedback on my story if you get the chance... :)
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