This is the first one in the series, commetns welcome

[Dosa_Ringtail]

Wolf Sword

The flames are burning brightly down in that little town I once called home. Where once peaceful residential streets is now a place of terror. It never used to be so frightening here but that was before they came with their oversized Greman guns and tanks. They took everything and shot anyone who got in their way.
They showed no mercy not even to the smallest of child. For I should know, my name is John and I am five years old. This is a story of my past, present, and possible future. Its a story of love and pain, loyalty and betrayal. Its a story of two very different worlds.
This is where my story begins on a cold, lonely night.
"Jason, the guards are pacing," John whispered cautiously to his brother sitting under a large oak tree. He was a large muscled young man standing 6''2' with jet black hair and sharp green eyes. He yawned sleepily, then stood and joined him by the edge of the declining hill that swept away into a vast valley. "You're right they are, they must be nervous about something," Jason whispered.
"Are you sure tonight is a good night to go see papa?" John asked nervously. Jason stood there a while longer surveying the area. Watching, listening for any sign of trouble but there was nothing. The only sound that came to him was the barking of a dog in a distant alley way and the whipping of his red bandana in the sullen breeze. He could not even begin to imagine the horrors their father must be facing right now.
"John if anything goes wrong I want you to run, run as far away as possible and don't look back," Jason growled looking out at the ruined town. "But what about you I just can't just leave you your all I have," John yelped. "It doesn't matter what happens to me John just promise me you'll do as your told," Jason growled irritably. "Okay, I promise," John whispered dispairingly hanging his head. " "I know it's hard to leave the ones you love John but in times like this hard decisions have to be made for the greater good," Jason murmured sadly knowing that tonight may very well be his last.
"Okay now we've waisted enough time as it is," Jason muttered almost reluctantly. Proceeding swiftly down the hill towards the town keeping to the shadows wary of any guards that might be lurking about. As they drew near they crouched behind the old liquor store. what was once the most popular store in town was now nothing more then four measely crumbling brick walls. "You wait here John, I'm going to scout ahead," Jason whispered as he sat there with his back against the wall. (To be continued: if this is the right forum that is)

[Nyla_ShadowWhisper]

I could be soooo mean!! i could post the next part!! XPP but i wont, i will be nice >> << >> XP

[Dosa_Ringtail]

"But what if there's a ravenous guard dog in there just waiting in there for someone to tear apart?' John whimpered softly. "Well then, I guess we'll have to hightail it out of herempw won't we," Jason hissed annoyed by his younger brothers petty concerns. Even at a young age John made easy work of even the largest dog using only his claws. Jason stood as quietly as he possibly could without stepping on loose rumble Moving through the narrow streets Jsaon began to hear all those horrible sounds of people screaming and the acrid smell of rotting flesh as he remembered when this nightmare began. Over three years ago when John was only two.
Althought he was young and shy he had an adventurous spirit and constantly got on the wrong end of the barrel. Finally reaching a safe place to hide and call his brother to follow he almost failed to notice the guard now standing there in dark fatigues and an AK-47 assault rifle in hand. Jason choked on his words not willing to give themselves away. Almost by psychic ability rather than by chance the guard turned on a heel and began to peek around the devastated liquor store. The slightest sound would almost confirm Johns presemts and as if on cue the shattering of glass on stone disturbed the still silence.
The guard so well trained turned on the balls of his heels again and approached a nearby store to investigate the source of the noise. Close to the shops broken window he stopped and cautiously searched the darkness as another resounding clang came from below the window. Seeing nothing the he turned once again and proceeded down the dark narrow street. Just as the guard vanished behind a distant corner John's face appeared from the corner of the liquor store, pale but there. John stood and hasitly joined his older brothers side.
"That was a close call," John grunted shivering slightly. "Yes, it was," Jason agreed solemnly. They continued on more catiously through the town for two hours before they drew close to the compound where the prisoners were held. Checking to see if the coast was clear Jason gave the thumbs up and slunk into their hiding place in the bushes by the fence. It was deathly quiet there as they waited for their father to show up.
For twenty minutes they sat there in silence to nervous to speak. Four more minutes passed before he appeared by the corner of the compound. Keeping to the shadows he joined them by the fence. H e had black ruffled hair and a large scar on his left cheek. "You made it," he growled hoarsely studying the both of them.

[Cogent Dream]

Got some grammar to fix and the matter-of-factly tone is rather childish and melodramatic. You've also ignored all semblances of proper format.

[Pseudo-Onkelos]

For a five year old, John seems rather unbelievable.

[Lahrette]

"

Wolf Sword

The flames are burning brightly down in that little town I once called home." Show me? " Where once peaceful residential streets is now a place of terror." Badly worded. "The once peaceful residential streets are now a place of terror"? "It never used to be so frightening here, but that was before they came with their oversized Greman [German?] guns and tanks. They took everything and shot anyone who got in their way.

They showed no mercy not even to the smallest of child. For I should know, my name is John and I am five years old" (Wait, he's five now? His literary skills are really quite impressive) "This is a story of my past, present, and possible future. Its a story of love and pain, loyalty and betrayal. Its a story of two very different worlds.

This is where my story begins on a cold, lonely night." WHY!? Why would you do that? I was enjoying this until John decided to lean on the fourth wall. Personally - others might disagree - I hate it when the main character is aware that they're in a story. Details get embellished when you retell. *Cries*.

"...
(To be continued: if this is the right forum that is)" Yup smile

[Dosa_Ringtail]

ok yeah I know my writing sucks but he's sort of telling his own story, even tho its in the third person. Reason why is I SUCK AT FIRST PERSON point of view stories and I won't lie about that. xd

[Falseshadows Death]

Dosa_Ringtail

ok yeah I know my writing sucks but he's sort of telling his own story, even tho its in the third person. Reason why is I SUCK AT FIRST PERSON point of view stories and I won't lie about that. xd

Okay, First. Dosa your writing does NOT suck!! You have your flaws, its not like your writtings are gunna be perfect. Always room for improvment.

[Dosa_Ringtail]

"Yes but we almost got caught by a German guard," John murmured bluntly. His eyes searched around quickly to be assured of their solitude. "So, we won't have to worry about that after tonight,' Jason grunted. Turning to face his father, John opened his mouth to question only to to shut it when a guard shouted an alarm "prisoner, prisoner out of custody." As the alarm went up the dogs started to bark fiercely.
Lights flashed to light in bright whites and reds. "Father we've been spotted!" John wailed fearfully. "We've got to do this quickly, if we are to get out of here without getting caught," Jason growled nodding. "Here make sure they don't get this no matter what," their dad shouted over the ruckus of the alarm. Stepping back a pace he threw a double-bladed sword over the chain-link fence.
"What, where are we going?" John asked dispairingly. 'We're leaving this place for good," Jason growled taking a step back as he caught the sword.
"But-"
"There's no time to argue John," Jason retorted turning to him. "Go, run, get out of here and may Iniyou light your paths," he yelled as they turned to leave.
"And may Debarra guide your soul," they rehearsed as they bolted for the cover of the ruined buildings. When they reached cover, they stopped and turned back only to see their father on his knees with a gun to his head. His captor shouted at him furiously in German. He knelt there, as silent as the mountains set far off to the horizon. Irritated the German soldier looked over to his left to a young boy standing in the shadows.
John stiffened, great Iniyou why doesn't he run? He watched horrified as the boy nodded for the soldier to proceed. The soldier turned back his eyes sparkling maliciously and fired one round into his hostages head. He watched it all in sickening horror from the moment the bullet entered his fathers head to the instant his body crumpled limply and distorted onto the ground. Through the numbness in his limbs he could feel Jason take hold of him and carry him away from the carnage.
Knowing that the guards and their dogs were not far behind. He ran around the blind corners jumping over old trash caution long since thrown to the wind. After seeing the scene that had played before his eyes there was nothing left that seemed to give him any energy to move. He hardly even noticed when they made it to the nearest exit. Jason raced them right past the two guards on station there. Who shouted and quickly gave pursuit. He looked up as Jason changed his grip on him only to find his brother giving them the bird. This earned irritated remarks from the pair, hell if they were going to die tonight might as well do it in a sarcastic style.
After running for so long he could feel the energy draining from his brother. Jason skidded on the hard ground and took him into a shallow dip between two hills covered by some fallen trees. John said nothing as Jason set him down. It was only then that he realized he was shaking. It wouldn't be long before the dogs caught onto their trail. Seeming to know this Jason took the sword off from around his shoulders.
"John I need you to take the sword and get out of here," Jason whispered hoarsely "but before you go I want you to have this." Reaching around his neck he pulled off the red crystal necklace and placed it around his neck. "What are you going to do?" John whispered finally becoming aware of the situation. "I'm going to buy you some time now go," Jason growled "and remember I am always with you." John felt his bottom lip quiver as terror gripped him.
This could be the last time he ever saw his brother. "Go now!" Jason hissed furiously. Jumping in shocked surprise John leapt out of cover and raced for the safety of the trees. He headed in the direction of the river. Knowing how easy it was to lose the trail across the frigid water.Reaching the back he skidded down the bank and tripped as a shot rang out in the direction of the town. John felt his blood go ice cold. There was only one person who could be on the other end of that bullet, Jason!

[Dosa_Ringtail]

John sank to the ground grief and exhaustion taking over. Gone, they were all gone, just like that. He wanted to raise his head and howl his pain and frustration to the sky. In his misery he failed to note the rustle of undergrowth of the pursuing patrol. John jumped in shocked horror jumping out of the way of one of the guards dog as it let out a vicious snarl.
No not a dog, at least not completely it seemed somewhat human with a large built body, long spindly fingers, short snout and tail and with the thin layer of hair made it look like it had been through leukemia one too many times. John slid to the side as it lounged at him again crying in pain as it buried its teeth into his calf with such unexpected speed. He lashed out with his fathers sword smiling grimly as it met flesh. It shrieked and fell back in a heap of fur and blood. Quickly growing out his claws he ripped them through its throat.
The guard dogs body jerked in a spastic convulsion as it attempt to breathe through its damaged throat. After a few moments the convuslions stopped to be replaced by the soft sound of gurgling as the remaining air escaped its dying lungs. John grimaced as he looked at his damaged leg. There was no way this was going to do him any good. "You little b*****d," a guard growled coming towards him through the undergrowth, "you die here."
John froze unable to move out of both fear and surprise looking at the guard who held the gun aimed at his chest. Finding his limbs again John slowly started to back up towards the river. "End of the line," he growled and pulled the trigger. The sound of the shot seemed to echo within his head. At first he wasn't sure that he had been shot until he stumbled and tripped falling to the ground holding his chest.
The world seemed to consist only of the searing pain that had opened up in his chest. Around him shouts of alarm and sporadic gun fire sparked to life. Gaurds shouted and fired every which way in an attempt to flush out their enemies. John coughed and sputtered as he tried to breath past the pressure that seemed to have built in his chest. "Dear father in heaven we need an ME over here now!" a soldier shouted.
John recoiled as hands grabbed him and blurred figures played across his darkening vision. "Your safe kid everything is going to be alright," a soldier said. John coughed again his body racked in painful spasms as the world around him dissipated into darkness.

[Dosa_Ringtail]

And that concludes the intro! xd I know kind of long but yeah there it is. rofl

[Falseshadows Death]

LOVE IT!!! cant wait to see what happens next

[Dosa_Ringtail]

Chapter One

Twelve Years Later

It was going to be hard reajusting to a small city again. For five months her dad, her best friend, and her had been staying in a small apartment in New York. Now here they were in Montana with her father being reassigned to a different marine branch. They never seemed to stay in one place long so it was say to say she had little friends. Lucky for her though her best friend, Bryan Underhill, traveled around with them.
He's a fun loving sort of guy with jet black hair and rimless glasses. There was no concern in losing him simply due to the fact that he always drew a crowd. Sometimes it was a crowd of girls admiring his boyish charm and dark rich tan. The there were those times it was because he had done something stupid like falling down the escalator, he wasn't what most people called graceful.Good thing she was gracefully and didn't always think with her stomach.
Rachael Sorenson, she wondered what her name really meant. Everyone always called her by her first name except when she was in trouble. That's when her dad really used her full name. So she tried to stay out of trouble and when she did she tried her hardest not to get caught. It reminded her of the incident she had in her younger years. She had really hated how having to attend that court marshal had made her feel.
"Hey Rachael I'm up here," Bryan called down from the top of the escalator, snapping her back to reality. "Hi," Rachael chuckled as he stepped out onto the escalator. Without realizing he'd gotten his shoelace stuck again Bryan took a step towards her and tripped. Grabbing at the railing he tried to halt his tumble. Instead of grabbing the railing he grabbed the sleeve of the man standing behind him.
As they fell Matt came to her side with their luggage. They both cringed as they hit the floor. At the same time Bryan's glasses fell off face and skidded across the terminal. They came to a stop at the feet of a young German man spiked blond hair and sharp blue eyes. Bending down he picked up Bryan's glasses.
He stood there awhile staring at the four of us. As if he expected one of us to say something. After a few more seconds he walked over and handed Bryan his glasses. After putting his glasses back on Bryan helped the other man to his feet. Apologizing the entire time for his clumsiness.
As he turned to thank the young German for his assistance he found only a ast crowd of people. Rachael shiered, something about the way that guy had disappeared bothered her for some reason."Well that was weird yet very embarrassing," Bryan grumbled coloring in the face. "You clumsy ulf," Rachael laughed nudging his shoulder playfully. "Hey I can't help it," Bryan growled glancing at her.
"Now,now you two don't start arguing," Matt chuckled. "Yes sir," they agreed simultaneously.It was rare for either of them to call him dad or even Matt due to his position in the military. As they exited the building a taxi pulled up to the curb in front of them. No doubt to gie them a ride to the nearest marine headquarters.
"Could you give us a ride to marine corp. nine?" Matt asked leaning in the window. "Yes sir," the driver responded in a friendly Arabic tone. Almost everything was traditional about the man. From the clothes to the headdress.The only thing not traditional about him were his adidas.
"Yeah know for a small town like this it sure has a lot of fast food restaurants," Bryan said for the first time since the escalator incident. Rachael continued to stare out the window reading the names of streets asthey passed by. Thiry-first and Broadway, King Ae. and Boulevard. They all seemed the same but it didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter much since her mother died.
Shot down in the streets by gang-bangers in the making in a black honda civic.They were never convicted of her mother's murder. The rest of the half hour trip to the compound was in silence. Not even the taxi driver spoke; it was as if the world was holding its breath.The driver slowed and stopped the cab at the gate until authorization.
When Matt gave the guard his authorization code they proceeded through the gate and up to the base. Once parked Rachael got out not failing to notice the young dish-blond, green eyed private approaching. "Sir I have been sent to escort you to your rooms," he informed rapidly saluting Matt. "Thank you private," Matt murmured returning the salute, "what's your name private?" Hesitantly he looked down at his name tag as if no one has ever asked him his name before.
"It's Paul Foley sir," Foley murmured sounding a bit awkward as he spoke. Turning on a heel he led the way to the officer's quarters eyeing her more than once as he did so. I think I like the German at least he didn't treat me like a prize to be won, Rachael thought hotly. Inside the building they were led through a series of hallways. Foley opened a door speaking quietly "sir this is where you and the young man will be staying," pointing at her he let the others into the room, "you on the other hand have to sleep in the woman's barracks if you would like I cou-."
Rachael turned and stalked off hiking her bag higher up on her shoulder. How dumb did he think she was, she could find herown way just fine but it still didn't make her happy seeing that smirk on his face. If she was given the chance she'd wipe that smirk off his face by raking him with her steel toes. Finding her room she opened the door and went in. Thank good they were given their room keys at the gate, any longer with that bozo and she would have gone ballistic.
As soon as she turned on the and saw the bed she realized how tired she really was, head pounding legs aching. Not even bothering to change her clothes Rachael plopped onto the bed. Kicking off her boots she relaxed on the comfort of the bed. Slowly Rachael took the covers and slowly pulled them up to her shoulders. Within minutes she had fallen into the sanctity of sleep.

"And we have to get up so early why?" Bryan inquired as he wiped sleep from his eyes. "Because we have a short meeting with Admiral Graves," Matt yawned glancing at him. A knock came at the door exasperated by Foley's impatients. "Come in," Matt invited sleepily. Foley poked his head in through the door "would you like me to get Rachael?"
"We'll go together," Matt murmured getting up from the bed. Matt looked over at Bryan as his stomach growled loud enough to wake the dead. "What I can't help it," Bryan protested getting to his feet. "Why don't you go get something to eat, we'll get Rachael," Foley growled not giving room for arguement as he turned and walked away. "Do as he says I'll be sure to fill you in," Matt said before following Foley out the door.

[Dosa_Ringtail]

Rachael looked up as a knock came at the door. "Rachael it's Foley are you awake," Foley asked politely. Rachael rolled her eyes almost seeing his asinine smirk in his false attempt at being polite. Rachael finished tying her shoe then stood and slipped out the door. "Good morning sunshine," Foley teased once again eyeing her up and down.
"Call me sunshine again and you'll be eating my steel toes," Rachael growed glaring at him. "Alright I get it not a morning person," Foley conceded stepping back. "See I don't have to worry about you Rachael, you take good care of yourself," Matt laughed heading down the hall. "So I've been warned," Foley muttered. Rachael kept her mind on the meeting ahead ignoring Foley as he glanced over his shoulder.
Exiting the building Foley pointed to a large brick building that seemed some what menacing in the early morning light. "That is where admiral Graves office is I'll show you to him," Foley explained leading them through small groups of people. "Where's Bryan?" Rachael asked looking around. Matt slowed his pace to match her's while Foley seemed to not hear. "Foley sent him by himself to the mess hall to get something to eat," Matt murmured quietly obviously trying to keep from laughing.
Bad move on his part then, Rachael thought laughing. "What's so funny?" Foley asked turning to face them. "Oh nothing just thinking," Rachael laughed shaking her head. Bryan's stomach was almost quit literally a bottomless pit and his appetite never seemed satisfied. If he was left alone long enough he could eat them out of house and home.
It was nice that Foley didn't know that about Bryan. Rachael was looking forward to seeing the look on his face when he realizes what has happened. "Here we are," Foley announced stopping at a door. Matt reached out a hand and rapped on the door. Once they were invited in Rachael turned and smiled at Foley who cocked his head to the side in confusion.
Rachael turned back and followed Matt into the office closing the door in Foley's face. "I see you have come to a liking of our top private," Admiral Graves chuckled. "If you mean slamming doors in his face then yes," Rachael growled narrowing her eyes. "He's actually good mannered and easy going once you get to know him,," Graves murmured not noting her open hostility. Rachael said nothing she could really care less as far as she was concerned he could go take a flying leap off the nearst cliff.
"Okay enough of the pleasantries, now as you may not know we have come to be on good terms with Germany, sort of," Graves informed shifting through the papers on his desk. Rachael guessed the action was more out of habit than anything else. "That's true but what does that have to do with us?" Matt asked. "I'm getting to that," Graves sighed impatiently. "The senator of Germany called me a couple of days ago quite angry as you might have guessed. They have found an old town in ruins that they have decided to rebuild and reinhabit."
"Oh goodie I always did love a good ghost story," Rachael chipped in seating herself in an arm chair. Graves frowned at her disapprovingly. "As I was saying they decided to rebuild the town but it seems that they have run into some unexpected complications. As I have been informed there have been numerous sabotages to their equipment all done by one perp," Graves stopped for emphasis. And who's that Jeffery Dammars, Rachael thought sourly.
Both Rachael and Matt waited for him to continue. "A young American boy not much older then you," Graves growled looking over at her. "And let me guess they called you told you to pick him up and to drop him off at the nearest bus station and tell him to take a long trip to the middle of nowhere, and to walk off a cliff when he gets there, am I close?" Rachael asked irritated at them for wasting their time. "Rachael that's enough," Matt growled staring her down. Rachael sat back in the chair with a shrug "what, I was just trying to see if I could guess it right."
"Actually your pretty close except the bus station and jumping off a cliff part," Graves laughed at her over dramatization. Matt looked at Rachael waiting for further explination. "He wanted me to send someone to catch him and bring him back to the states, which is why I have asked for your assistance. That is if you are willing to help," Grave finished staring at each of them in turn. As if coming to a decision Matt looked up at Graves "when do we leave?'
"As soon as you can," Graves murmured dismissing them. Rachael slipped out the door almost colliding with Foley. "Whoa slow down on that stuff you're going to kill someone," Foley growled in surprise. "Sorry didn't see you there," Rachael laughed. "Ready to go?" Foley asked giving her an odd look.
"Yes we will be but we're going to need a guide if we;re going to find anything," Matt confessed faintly grinning. "Done and done," Foley informed heading for the mess hall. Rachael looked at him almost with respect he knew enough about this to go out of his way to get them a guide. Perhaps she had misjudged him, maybe he wasn't so bad afterall?

[Glitterdrome]

Pseudo-Onkelos

For a five year old, John seems rather unbelievable.