Welcome to Gaia! ::

A la claire fontaine
Where's charlie the unicorn? He makes me laugh! and the pink and blue unicorn to. They so funny. xd


rofl
SilverRinehart66
Sorry this took so long, but I've finally finished chapter two! It's a little shorter than chapter one, so I'm debating on whether to put it and what I have so far for chapter three together. Guess it doesn't really matter... I dunno... We'll see what happens. xp

As requested by some helpful friends, I've revised the conversation between Sky and Shamira a little bit. Hopefully it's more believable now. ^_^ If not... well, I'll try again! Lol... ANYWAY... here we go....


~Chapter Two~
(slightly modified part 1 + part 2)

As soon as the horses were out of sight, Shamira resumed her unicorn form and started through the woods in search of the small herd. Hopefully, she could convince them to come with her and join her herd, as she had done with others. Keeping as many of them together as possible made it easier to protect them.

Following a trail through the forest, she soon came upon the herd gathered in a small clearing. As she approached, they lifted their heads, their ears pointed forward curiously. The stormy-gray stallion stepped forward, watching her carefully with his head held high, showing he was not intimidated by her size. She could tell by his stance he was the dominant, in charge of protecting the herd from predators and other dangers. Shamira would have to convince him there were certain predators he could not stop on his own.

Keeping her head low in respect of his status, she paused at a short distance, waiting for him to make the first move. He regarded her for a few moments, his ears flat on his head. The stallion’s uncertainty was understandable. She was a stranger in his territory, and he didn’t realize why she had scared them away from the pond. In an attempt to show she meant no harm, Shamira lifted her front leg and lowered her head even more in a sort of awkward bow.

After another short pause, the stallion finally whinnied softly and lowered his head a bit. He wanted to communicate (this sentence doesn't flow with the rest). Shamira straightened up (and) moved forward until their horns touched near the base, closing her eyes. Unicorns had a rather unique way of speaking to each other. By touching horns, they could link minds, in a way, and exchange memories and feelings to convey messages when neighing wasn’t enough.

The stallion started by showing her images of gray clouds rolling through the sky, then the start of a rain storm. He was trying to tell her his name, or just what the other unicorns called him. Judging by his color, which was how they usually got their names, she guessed it was close to Sky Before the Rain in human tongue. In return, she gave him images of a clear night sky lit by the moon. Shamira’s family referred to her simply as Moonlit Night, as it was too difficult to tell them her real name.

Once he was more comfortable, she began to show him what had happened earlier, how the hunters had snuck up on the herd and nearly killed him. She added memories of coming across dead unicorns, their horns carved out of their skulls, their manes and tails hacked off. Over and over, she showed him humans with weapons, coupled with images of natural predators such as cougars, helping him to understand how dangerous humans were.

Sky returned with a memory of his own; a pure-white mare, dead and mutilated like so many others. A feeling of affection, the deep sadness washed over Shamira’s mind. The white mare had been the dominant female. Shamira nuzzled his nose, letting him know she understood his pain. This herd had suffered many other losses, and Sky was unsure of what to do, something he wasn’t used to.

Shamira made a comforting noise, giving him memories of being with her family, along with the feeling of being safe and happy. She showed how she was able to protect them, and that she would do the same for him and his herd. Sky was quiet, hesitant on leaving his territory. He has been born and raised there, just like his father. She knew it wouldn’t be easy for him, but she promised him he would be able to return when it was safer, though she was unsure how long it would take.

They talked for a while longer, and much to her relief, Sky eventually bumped his nose against hers and whinnied softly. He accepted, however reluctantly (these two words are weird sounding here), realizing there were no other options.

With a happy whinny of her own, Shamira told him to follow. He called to the rest of the herd and together they set off through the woods once again. Over an hour and several miles later, they reached the true end of the forest. It gave way to vast, wide grassland, bordered by a distant mountain range to the east, and a lake to the south. Dotted over the landscape were dozens of unicorns; several different families living together peacefully in the large territory (better reword the clause after the semicolon, it doesn't flow).

Pausing at the edge of the trees, Shamira looked back at the newest additions to her now very much extended family. Sky came up next to her, looking out over the new land. Shamira gave him a reassuring bump with her nose, making a soft noise to welcome him home. The stallion nipped her nose gently in a gesture of thanks and led his herd out to the grassy plain.

She watched them for a little while as they got acquainted with the other herds, wincing a bit as the cut on her should(er?) gave a painful throb. She’d almost forgotten about it. Taking on her human form, she pressed her hand over the wound and went to the narrow river (comma?) cutting through the field. She knelt down next to the water and tore off a strip of fabric from her garment, dipping it in the water before staring to clean the blood off her arm.

The sound of approaching hooves reached her ears and she looked up, smiling at the sight of her mother. The mare lowered her head curiously, nudging Shamira’s injured shoulder.

With a small chuckle, she leaned forward and nuzzled her mother’s nose. “Don’t worry about it. I just got a little careless.”

Her mother, Sand at the Water’s Edge, as the other family members called her, made a rumbling noise in her throat and bumped Shamira’s head. She was scolding her daughter for getting hurt.

Shamira laughed, “All right, I’m sorry. I will be more careful next time. I promise.”

The mare snorted as if to say ‘you had better be’ and tugged on her daughter’s hair affectionately.

Shaking her head a bit, Shamira finished cleaning her arm and rinsed off the strip of cloth. Using one hand and her teeth, she wrapped the fabric around the wound and tied it tightly. She leaned down and scooped some water into her mouth to quench her thirst before sitting back and looking up at her mother again.

“You really shouldn’t worry so much. You know I can take care of myself,” she said, stroking the mare’s velvety nose.

Sandy just grunted, letting her daughter take hold of her horn so she could help Shamira to her feet. With a small smile, Shamira patted the other unicorn’s neck, walking with her as they set off to rejoin the rest of the family.

The rest of the day passed quietly, and soon everyone was settling down for the night. After finishing her evening patrol of the boarder, Shamira joined her mother and the others where they’d chosen to sleep. Standing close to the others, warm and comfortable, she quickly drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

to be continued...
SilverRinehart66
This may or may not be the entire chapter. Sorry about the cheesy ending, though... I wasn't sure how else to wrap it up. sweatdrop I'm gonna be honest, this whole chapter is a bit... odd. I think it is, anyway, so I'll probably revise it later on... Lemme know what you think. Mmmmyup...

~Chapter Three~
The Busy Season

Just a few hours before sunrise, several quiet, urgent voices roused Shamira back to consciousness. She blinked and lifted her head, listening closely.

“Humans…four of them… camping in the northwest woods… they have weapons…” The wind spirits told her softly.

Shamira practically growled. Spring was when the hunters typically became more active. Obviously, this year was no exception, and the season had only just begun. With a sigh, she looked over at her mother, still sleeping soundly, then turned and headed northwest, following the wind.

About an hour of traveling at a light gallop brought her to the edge of the human’s camp. The four of them were sleeping on heavy blankets around a dying fire. Shifting to her human form, she approached quietly. There was a chance these men were after different game, and she wouldn’t do anything until she knew for certain.

Barely making a sound, she stepped over one of the sleeping men as she began to look around the small camp. One of them had a crossbow lying near him, but that wasn’t enough to condemn them. She knelt down to search their saddlebags. The first yielded nothing, but the contents of the second sealed the men’s fate. Inside she found a large bundle of silky hair, easily recognizable as unicorn, as well as a golden horn.

Shamira shook her head in disgust and closed the bag, regarding the men carefully. Because there were four, she would need to use a different tactic to get rid of them. Killing the(m?) all would not be the most productive thing to do, unfortunately. Tapping her chin, she looked between them, noticing one still had a dagger on his belt. He would do.

Carefully stepping back over him, she knelt down and brushed her hand over his face. He appeared to be fairly young, which was a pity, but his life was forfeit the minute he’d helped in slaying one of her kind. The young man shifted in his sleep, but didn’t fully wake. Again, she brushed her knuckles across his cheek, slowly drawing him out of his sleep.

Suddenly, his eyes snapped open with a sharp intake of breath. Shamira stepped back quickly, waiting for him to re-orientate himself. As his eyes darted around, they soon landed on her, standing just a few feet away, watching him with a small smile. He gasped, sitting up quickly as she came closer and knelt down once more.

“Who the…“ he started to say, getting cut off when she laid her finger on his lips.

Shamira just continued to smile, gently running her hand over his cheek before standing slowly.

Entranced by this mysterious woman, he could only watch with wide eyes as she stepped back enticingly. He rubbed his eyes and blinked several times, but she remained.

With another seductive smile, Shamira motioned for him to follow. The young man swallowed, glancing around at his companions before looking back at her. She winked and turned away from him, walking away slowly, swaying her hips a bit. Almost certain he was still dreaming, but unable to resist, he got up and followed, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

She led him a short distance from the camp, then turned and leaned back against a large tree. He paused just a few feet away, fully taking in her beautiful form. Shapely legs peeked out of the slits running the full length of her skirt and a flat, smooth stomach showed above its hem. Her shirt appeared to be nothing more than a long piece of fabric draped over her neck and wrapped around her chest just enough to keep her decent.

Licking his lips a bit, he came toward her with a grin. Shamira reached out and took hold of his shirt, pulling him against her. Tilting her head up, she allowed his lips to descend onto hers. His hands rested briefly on her waist before starting to move greedily over her body.

Soon enough, he was fully distracted, giving her the chance to run her hand down his side, stopping to grasp the hilt of his dagger. He took no notice as she slowly drew the blade from the sheath. Shamira pulled back and a wicked smile curled over her face.

“Scream for me,” she hissed, keeping a tight grip on his shirt.

Confusion crossed his features for a few seconds before the cold metal was jammed into side (into side?). He grunted and his eyes went wide as he stared down at her, his mouth working soundlessly.

Shamira grit her teeth, giving the dagger a hard twist, “I said scream!”

The man obliged her with a loud, shrill cry, trying to get away. She held him with all her strength, but he continued to struggle, pulling at her wrists. Again, she twisted the knife, and he let out another cry, falling to his knees. She pushed him onto his back with her foot. He groaned, pressing his hand over the wound as a bit of blood dripped out the corner of his mouth.

Just then, she heard shouts coming from the direction of the camp. The other men were looking for their companion. To make sure they came the right way, Shamira quickly knelt down and slammed the dagger into the young man’s hand, making him scream once more.

“This way, it came from over here!” she heard one of them yell. With a smirk, she darted behind the large tree and waited. Soon enough, the other three men appeared, their weapons drawn.

“Holy mother of God… Kyle!” One of them exclaimed, rushing to the fallen man.

“What the hell happened,” another one asked.

Kyle, as they called him, groaned again, trying to form a coherent sentence. “Woman… stabbed me…” was all he managed to say.

“’Woman’? What the heck is he babbling about?” The third man wondered.

The first man shook his head. “I don’t know. Help me get him up, Ben,” he said. The second man came over and they took Kyle’s arms, carefully starting to pull him up.

The wind suddenly picked up, whipping around them in powerful gusts. Seemingly disembodied voices started coming from all directions. ‘Get out… Get out… Never come back!” The voices hissed furiously in the men's ears over and over again.

“What in God’s name is going on?” Ben cried, his eyes darting around as the sound of galloping hooves reached his ears, accompanied by a long, high-pitched neigh.

Shamira whinnied again and kept to the shadows as she circled the men, her dark coat making her almost invisible. All that would be clearly discernible were her bluish-white mane and tail, which was how she wanted it. She ran back and forth between the trees, letting the men only catch brief glimpses of her. The smell of their fear made her smile inwardly. She had one more trick, and if it didn’t scare them off, nothing would.

The men stood close together as the ghostly voices and hoof-beats continued without end. Suddenly, one of them looked over just in time to see a massive creature charging toward them. He let out a shout (comma?) and they all ducked seconds before the beast leaped, sailing easily over their heads and landing a few feet away. Quickly as it had appeared, it was gone.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” one of them yelled. The others didn’t need to be told twice.

Shamira watched from a distance as they ran as fast as they could with the injured man in tow. They didn’t even bother to return to the camp. She whinnied triumphantly, tossing her head and dancing a bit as the wind blew gently around her. The war was far from over, but she’d won another battle, and for now (comma?) she allowed herself to revel in the sweet feeling of victory.

to be continued...
SilverRinehart66's avatar
  • 100
  • 100
  • 300
NamiStar

After another short pause, the stallion finally whinnied softly and lowered his head a bit. He wanted to communicate (this sentence doesn't flow with the rest). Shamira straightened up (and) moved forward until their horns touched near the base, closing her eyes.


Hmm... How does it not flow? O_o Not trying to argue or anything... Would it be better if I put "...head a bit, showing he wanted to communicate."?

Oops... don't know how that got left out. razz


NamiStar

They talked for a while longer, and much to her relief, Sky eventually bumped his nose against hers and whinnied softly. He accepted, however reluctantly (these two words are weird sounding here), realizing there were no other options.


I'm pretty sure that's grammatically correct, even though it sounds kinda strange. I dunno... maybe I'm wrong. Is "He accepted rather reluctantly, realizing..." better?

NamiStar

distant mountain range to the east, and a lake to the south. Dotted over the landscape were dozens of unicorns; several different families living together peacefully in the large territory (better reword the clause after the semicolon, it doesn't flow).


Heh... I hate semicolons. =P Ummm.... should I just make it two different sentences, you think?

NamiStar

She watched them for a little while as they got acquainted with the other herds, wincing a bit as the cut on her should(er?) gave a painful throb. She’d almost forgotten about it. Taking on her human form, she pressed her hand over the wound and went to the narrow river (comma?) cutting through the field. She knelt down next to the water and tore off a strip of fabric from her garment, dipping it in the water before staring to clean the blood off her arm.


rolleyes Me and my type-o's.... I think what happens when I reread my own stories is I know what the sentence is supposed to say, so my mind just doesn't pick up on the error. Trying to work on that, though. razz

So far as I know, that doesn't need a comma. *shrug*

Thanks so much for that, though. I'll go back and edit here a little bit. blaugh

SilverRinehart66
NamiStar

After another short pause, the stallion finally whinnied softly and lowered his head a bit. He wanted to communicate (this sentence doesn't flow with the rest). Shamira straightened up (and) moved forward until their horns touched near the base, closing her eyes.


Hmm... How does it not flow? O_o Not trying to argue or anything... Would it be better if I put "...head a bit, showing he wanted to communicate."?

Oops... don't know how that got left out. razz


Yes, that would sound better. It doesn't flow because it sounded bland.
NamiStar

They talked for a while longer, and much to her relief, Sky eventually bumped his nose against hers and whinnied softly. He accepted, however reluctantly (these two words are weird sounding here), realizing there were no other options.


I'm pretty sure that's grammatically correct, even though it sounds kinda strange. I dunno... maybe I'm wrong. Is "He accepted rather reluctantly, realizing..." better?

Yes, it sounds a lot better. How come you didn't do that in the first place? lol
NamiStar

distant mountain range to the east, and a lake to the south. Dotted over the landscape were dozens of unicorns; several different families living together peacefully in the large territory (better reword the clause after the semicolon, it doesn't flow).


Heh... I hate semicolons. =P Ummm.... should I just make it two different sentences, you think?

Maybe... I'm not sure. It just doesn't sound right to me.
NamiStar

She watched them for a little while as they got acquainted with the other herds, wincing a bit as the cut on her should(er?) gave a painful throb. She’d almost forgotten about it. Taking on her human form, she pressed her hand over the wound and went to the narrow river (comma?) cutting through the field. She knelt down next to the water and tore off a strip of fabric from her garment, dipping it in the water before staring to clean the blood off her arm.


rolleyes Me and my type-o's.... I think what happens when I reread my own stories is I know what the sentence is supposed to say, so my mind just doesn't pick up on the error. Trying to work on that, though. razz

So far as I know, that doesn't need a comma. *shrug*

Thanks so much for that, though. I'll go back and edit here a little bit. blaugh


As for the comma thing, It might just be me. My mind is working quite horrible today (maybe from yesterday). I had to read something two times before I get the better feel of it.

Yeah, other than that Shamira scares me. lol.
SilverRinehart66's avatar
  • 100
  • 100
  • 300
NamiStar

Killing the(m?) all would not be the most productive thing to do, unfortunately. Tapping her chin, she looked between them, noticing one still had a dagger on his belt. He would do.


Accurséd type-o's are gonna be the death of me someday... stressed


NamiStar

Confusion crossed his features for a few seconds before the cold metal was jammed into side (into side?). He grunted and his eyes went wide as he stared down at her, his mouth working soundlessly.


Uuuh... yeah... Haven't you ever heard that phrase?? It's caveman talk! Perfectly correct... ninja


NamiStar

He let out a shout (comma?) and they all ducked seconds before the beast leaped, sailing easily over their heads and landing a few feet away. Quickly as it had appeared, it was gone.


Hhhmmm... I don't think there should be a comma there.

NamiStar

and dancing a bit as the wind blew gently around her. The war was far from over, but she’d won another battle, and for now (comma?) she allowed herself to revel in the sweet feeling of victory.


You're right about that one, though. It shall be fixed. *gives you virtual cookies and chocolates for all the help*
SilverRinehart66
NamiStar

Killing the(m?) all would not be the most productive thing to do, unfortunately. Tapping her chin, she looked between them, noticing one still had a dagger on his belt. He would do.


Accurséd type-o's are gonna be the death of me someday... stressed


NamiStar

Confusion crossed his features for a few seconds before the cold metal was jammed into side (into side?). He grunted and his eyes went wide as he stared down at her, his mouth working soundlessly.


Uuuh... yeah... Haven't you ever heard that phrase?? It's caveman talk! Perfectly correct... ninja


NamiStar

He let out a shout (comma?) and they all ducked seconds before the beast leaped, sailing easily over their heads and landing a few feet away. Quickly as it had appeared, it was gone.


Hhhmmm... I don't think there should be a comma there.

NamiStar

and dancing a bit as the wind blew gently around her. The war was far from over, but she’d won another battle, and for now (comma?) she allowed herself to revel in the sweet feeling of victory.


You're right about that one, though. It shall be fixed. *gives you virtual cookies and chocolates for all the help*

As you have noticed, I put a (?) on all of my corrections. Yay, I'll take both the cookies and chocolates, thank you very much. lol

Edit: Caveman talk? lol. What kind of caveman? You're being a cavemanist (instead of racist, lol)
SilverRinehart66
~Prologue~

First, there was darkness and the painful sensation of being squeezed through a small tunnel. Every few minutes she would move slightly farther, and each minute stretched on like an eternity. She was suffocating, unsure how much longer she could withstand the pressure. Suddenly, everything became bright, and she could breathe again. She gasped a few times before coughing fluid out of her lungs and nose. Warm air rushed over her damp body, but the feeling was strange, as was the hard ground underneath her. All the new sounds and smells were unfamiliar and bizarre. It had been so long since she had seen daylight and her new eyes weren’t accustomed to it yet. Disoriented and scared, she lifted her head, making a small noise and kicking her long, bony legs.

Then, a soft, warm tongue ran over her cheek and ears, calming her, slowly bringing her back to her senses. She remembered who she was; Shamira, formerly a spirit, now inhabiting the body of a newborn unicorn foal. She knew her purpose, but that would come later. Until then, she had to get used to being in a solid form.

Once Shamira’s new mother had finished cleaning her downy baby coat, she unfolded her delicate legs and attempted to stand on still-soft hooves. It took a few tries, but soon she was up and walking on her wobbly appendages. She stood close to her mother; a pale brown mare with a long, white mane. Shamira’s own fur was dark brown, as was the standard for a foal.

As she stood with her mother, letting her tired little body recover from the strain of being born, she took a look around. More unicorns of all colors were standing nearby, grazing, playing, or grooming one another, blissfully unaware of the danger they were in. Every day, more and more of their kind were being hunted down and killed by humans for their horns, hooves, and hair. This was Shamira’s true purpose, the reason she had given up her life as a spirit and taken on the body of a unicorn. She would grow in less than half the time it took a normal foal, and gain the ability to take on a human form, giving her the power to protect these magnificent creatures.

The unicorns were her kin now, her family, and she would be their guardian.


I am in awe. That was so descriptive. I'm so envious. At first I did not understand what was going on, but then I figured out that the unicorn was being birthed (Lol is that how you say it?). The way you described it was just wondeful and I could see it in my mind. Great imagery. Keep it up. wink Two thumbs up for you missy.
Uh... I don't really want to see a foal being born out of the mother's *cough*. Kind of bizarre, don't ya think? lol.
SilverRinehart66's avatar
  • 100
  • 100
  • 300
Dynasty_Destiny710

I am in awe. That was so descriptive. I'm so envious. At first I did not understand what was going on, but then I figured out that the unicorn was being birthed (Lol is that how you say it?). The way you described it was just wondeful and I could see it in my mind. Great imagery. Keep it up. wink Two thumbs up for you missy.


Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it. heart 4laugh heart
NamiStar
Dynasty_Destiny710
NamiStar
Dynasty_Destiny710
NamiStar
Uh... I don't really want to see a foal being born out of the mother's *cough*. Kind of bizarre, don't ya think? lol.


Lol. If you actually think about it yes, but it also be an amzing thing. Eerily good. 3nodding I thought you of all people would enjoy a scene like that. All that peverted thought of yours would have gone wild. rofl I'm kidding. (Yes, a crude joke indeed. Couldn't help myself.)


Eh, make fun of me, all you want. I'll get you back, somehow. lol. Seriously though, I'm not that perverted. *cough* *cough* Other than, after seeing the many stories on here, I think I'm planning on writing again. Just to warn you, I'm terrible(Yes, I'm full of contradictions xp ).


I do no such thing. *Insert evil laughter here* I would rather call it teasing. mrgreen Ha, good luck. I know your one true weakness and you have nothing to hold up against me. Cough = Yes, I am so lying. Lol, you should write again(You have written a story before? If you have I would like to read it). I'm interested in reading a work of yours. 3nodding Everyone always says that and then turns around to show me this eye blindly work of art(eye blinding in a good way =D). crying


Eh, all of those that I've written are from long ago, which I haven't even corrected and such. Honestly, they're terrible works. I'm working on a story that I thought of long ago. Correcting them and tweaking them up. Edit and all that good stuff.


Ok. can't wait to read.

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff