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"There was once a boy named Jon, and Jon went to school. How do you suppose he got home? He rode the city public bus home, every day of school. Since it was the public bus and not the school bus, Jon didn't get to sit with his friends; they all were picked up by their parents. Instead, he rode with people he had never met before. Some would always ride that bus, ordrive it, some would only be there a few times a month, or year, and some only went once. Jon noticed these people and some of them stood out more than others. So every day, when he went home, he would chronicle these noticable people down. These became known as 'Tales of the Bus People'. Here, his tales will be told."

This is the introduction to my story. Some of it is fictional, some not. I will add a new part of the story every once in a while, but if one doesn't come I'm probably really busy. Feel free to post comments; the only reason I am writing this is that I might use it for school or something, and I want to see what kind of a reaction I get. If you happen to think that this is a good idea and want to add to the "Tales" then PM me some ideas. You will be given credit for that idea, if used. Oh, and if you ride home the bus every day, like I do, don't take offense by some of these if they sound like you. I am going to add the next tale now, but on a different post.
I believe this belongs in the Original Stories/Prose subforum... But, it sounds good so far. I don't really care much for the style of writing you chose for the opening paragraph, but that's just me. The whole concept reminds me of a writing excersise I did once, to see how many things I could write about busses. Poems, prose, short stories... It was a lot of fun, more people should try things like that. whee Anyhoo, yesyes, sounds interesting. From what I've read, anyway. sweatdrop
#1: The Begining

It was Jon's first day of school. His parents had told him he "was a big boy now", so he could handle going home by himself. He had taken the bus home several times before, so he thought he was ready. So, with the day over, he stepped off the sidewalk, ran across the street, and got onto the bus waiting bench. He waited until he saw it approaching, so he stood up to let them know he was there. It stopped. With his fare ready, he stepped on. He saw, at first, just some ordinary people like you would see at a grocery store. After he had sat down for a few minutes, he noticed two men in particular sttod out. They sat right next to each other and just stared blankly into space. A few minutes later, one asked the other if he would like a cigarette. He said yes, apparently ignoring the no-smoking sign. What Jon saw next amazed him. The first man pulled out a cigarette box, reached into it, and pulled out nothing, but then said, "Here you go." Jon expected the second man to act surprised, but instead he grasped at the empty air which contaianed the "cigarette" and then held "it" to his mouth, formed his lips, and "smoked" it. Then, when Jon went off the bus, the second man, still "smoking", said to him, "Hey, kid! Stay in school, and do your homework!" Jon ran the whole way home and immediately wrote this down.
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You're a good writer, but I think the subject isn't that interesting. But your style's very good. biggrin
Allerisse
You're a good writer, but I think the subject isn't that interesting. But your style's very good. biggrin


I'll agree with her. You're style is pretty decent. I would leave out a few of the so's and the just's in there because they're a bit repeditive toward the beginning of the tale. Excellent job on the mime acts and the like...my only real question here is this: Why did you put, "It was the beginning of the Chronicals," at the end of that? Take it out. There's no point to it. At the top of your post, in the chapter title, you put #1 The beginning. If that's the case, then--rather obviously--it's the beginning. I'd kill it.
#2 The Driver

Jon had been taking the bus for awhile now, without any similar incident. He thought that maybe, just maybe, the rest of his trips would be normal. But then, the bus company hired a new driver, and she just happened to be stationed on his route. When he first got on the bus and saw her driving, it wasn't pleasent. She was smoking an overly large cigar, against the rules, and the smokey stench filled the entire bus. He was paying for the ride with a pass, so he had to get really close to her. The smoke was almost unbearable, but Jon held in his coughs. He walked back to his seat, his eyes watering, and sat in the very back near some teenagers about his age. They were goofing off, laughing loudly and throwing Skittles at each other. Several minutes after he got on, the driver was fed up with them goofing off, so she screeched over the intercom, "You guys in the back! Knock it off!" They stopped for a while, but then resumed their "goofiness". Then, the driver yelled, without the intercom, "If you don't stop, you're gettin' off the bus!" But they didn't stop, so she did. As the bus screeched to a halt, she yelled at them to "Get out right now!" What could they do? They did what they were told, finally, and immediately hopped off and started walking away. However, for some reason she associated Jon as a member of this group of teens and ordered him off as well. So, he got off and walked the remaining quarter-mile home. The next day, after schhol, he waited for the bus to come. It came. He saw the driver. THE SAME DRIVER! She saw him. She just kept going. She did the same thing the next day, and the next , and the next. After a week Jon got tired of it and decided to switch to a different route.
Atreas
Allerisse
You're a good writer, but I think the subject isn't that interesting. But your style's very good. biggrin


I'll agree with her. You're style is pretty decent. I would leave out a few of the so's and the just's in there because they're a bit repeditive toward the beginning of the tale. Excellent job on the mime acts and the like...my only real question here is this: Why did you put, "It was the beginning of the Chronicals," at the end of that? Take it out. There's no point to it. At the top of your post, in the chapter title, you put #1 The beginning. If that's the case, then--rather obviously--it's the beginning. I'd kill it.
Alright, I'll take out "Begining"
Poor Jon to be left behind by the girl bus driver.
#3 "Number31! That's the one! Yeah, number 24!"

Jon's new route had him go by the bus transfer station. "Must be plenty of weird people to write about here", he thought. Guess what, there were. This is the frist day he took this route. After he got off his first bus (which had nobody that stood out enough to write about) he sat at the bench at the transfer station, waiting for bus #32 to come. Not long since he'd been waiting, a man, with a slow, almost limp-like walk, came over near were Jon was sitting, muttering some unintelligable words to himself. He immediately started smoking his cigarette. However, on wasn't enough for the man. He than began to smoke two, then three at the same time. And, since nicotine is a stimulant, this seemed to give the man increased energy to do more crazy things. Like spewing out insane questions, statements, or even just gibberish at a random person. Pretty sonn, jon was the only one left within a 20 foot radius of the man. So, what does he do? He starts screaming at Jon. The only thing poor Jon remembers is the phrase "Number 31! That's the one! Yeah, number 24!" Thankfully, Jon's bus arrived before the man could get any closer to him. Jon then ran the whole way home once the bus dropped him off near his house.
Does anyone besides me care about these stories?
It sounds interesting so far, so yes, i do care about this story^^

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