So pretty

[Esanx]

So handsome! Lyrek sat perched on a branch, her gaze attached to a strolling man below. What a face! She sighed and shook her feathers gently. Mother always said my feathers were so pretty, perhaps he'll think the same! She ran a cold, black talon through her white feathers, shivering whenever the tip found her skin. Lyrek noticed that the man was farther away now and soared to the next branch with a single flap of her wings. Would he like me? She jumped to the next. "Should I show myself?" she murmured softly to the leaves that shared the branch with her. "People love trees and their green feathers, so why wouldn't he love my white ones?" A breeze shook the tree's top and several leaves dropped to the ground. She frowned and went to the next tree.
"I should..." Lyrek paused when the man did. He had stopped to examine a flower by the road. "He loves flowers and their wet feathers! He will surely love me!" He rose from the plant and continued down the path. Lyrek followed, her grin growing with every tree she passed. "He will love me! I know it!" she excitedly whispered to herself. "I must act!" She let out a shrill cry and descended before the man, her wings unfurled and her talons open. "Hello!"
The man shrieked and fell back onto the dirt path, his eyes wider than the sky. "No, no!" he screamed, crawling back.
Lyrek laughed. "Do not be afraid! Just look at my feathers and you'll see-" A rock bashed into her wing and spun her around. She plummeted to the ground with a thud and looked up. "What-" The man tossed another over her head.
"Get back you monster!" he cried, holding several more stones in his hands. "Go back to your damned nest!" Another rock soared into her neck. She gagged and coughed up saliva and her love. "Damn it!" he cursed, dropping the rest of his rocks and running off.
Tears nested in her eyes as she watched the man fade. "Why!" she croaked, her voice hoarse from the wound. Lyrek stroked the bruise and cringed. "You! Why?" she cried, her words broken up by a violent storm of coughs. When she quelled the gags, she glanced at her sore wing. "Monster," she remembered in a faint voice. "Monster." She eyes jumped from feather to feather. She blinked away the tears. "Monster!" she wailed. "I'm a-!" The coughs returned and drowned out her cries, replacing them with grunts and hacks. "Monster...! Is that what men think of me? Am I," she hesitated as she looked over her wing once more. "A monster?"
She pushed herself up onto her feet and examined her talons with wet eyes. "Monster! Women don't have these!" she sobbed. Her feathers shuddered and trembled with every weep. "Monster, that's all I am..." Lyrek stopped. "But I don't have to be one." She staggered off the path and into the thick wilderness. She found a barren tree and stood beneath it.
"Normal. You're normal?" The tree did not answer. "You're not a monster. No one would accuse you..." She turned to her wings and plucked a white feather with her claws. She flinched and felt the tears siege her eyes once more. "Monster." She pulled out another.
"You have such pretty feathers. So pretty!" her mother had always said. The warm words had turned cold. She tore out a handful and threw them to the ground with a roar.
So pretty. echoed her mind as she watched more of her feathers descend to the forest floor. So pretty. Blood oozed out from her wings as she ripped more feathers out from them. So pretty. The feathers that fell were crimson now, their purity lost. So pretty. A pile of red and white tufts swallowed up her feet. So pretty. Bare wings soaked in blood hung limp at her side. She grabbed one with her talons and dug their sharp points into it. Lyrek clenched her teeth and shut her eyes. She pulled. Warm liquids oozed down her back. "One more...!"
So pretty. She curled her claws around her last wing, its skin cold and hard. So pretty. Her nails bit into it. So pretty. Tears hung on her eyelashes like crystal plumes. So pretty. She began to scream. So pretty. Lyrek summoned up the rest of her strength into her arm. So pretty. She listened to her skin tear as she tore off her last wing. Warm blood bathed her as the naked wing fell onto the pile of feathers. "So pretty." she whispered hollowly. "So pretty." Her legs began to tremble as the blood snaked down them. Blood, it's running away from me too! She fell to her knees and felt the soft feathers devour her bottom. "So pretty." She folded her crimson arms over her chest and hugged herself fiercely. "So pretty." she swore, her voice weak. Her body began to quiver. "So pretty." Her eyelids began to fall. "I'm so...pretty." Darkness consumed her and she dropped into her bed of quills.

[snowmanlover]

So, um, just a side note. I think you should space out your paragraphs more. A broken up passage is less overwhelming than connected paragraphs.

I think you did good. I like the imagery. I don't know if it was your intention, but the passage implied what would happen next. It was one of those heart-wrenching "I know what you're going to do but please don't do it" scenarios. I also like the bird theme, where everything in the passage is kinda bird-like. "Another rock soared" and "Tears nested." And, I feel there is a deeper meaning to this story. But don't ask me what it is. I'm horrible with subtext.

Out of curiosity, what kind of creature is Lyrek?

Maybe give a description of the handsome man. It doesn't need to be vivid or detailed. You could even say he was wearing nice clothes or looked like he participated in some athletic event. I just want some image to replace the empty shadow I have in my mind, even though I know he's not that important. And, just a personal irk of mine. I have a thing against names I have trouble pronouncing. I'm guessing it's pronounced "lyric"?

Remember: this is my response to a portion of your writing. Take from it what you will. If you don't like it, disregard it.

[Esanx]

snowmanlover

So, um, just a side note. I think you should space out your paragraphs more. A broken up passage is less overwhelming than connected paragraphs.

I think you did good. I like the imagery. I don't know if it was your intention, but the passage implied what would happen next. It was one of those heart-wrenching "I know what you're going to do but please don't do it" scenarios. I also like the bird theme, where everything in the passage is kinda bird-like. "Another rock soared" and "Tears nested." And, I feel there is a deeper meaning to this story. But don't ask me what it is. I'm horrible with subtext.

Out of curiosity, what kind of creature is Lyrek?

Maybe give a description of the handsome man. It doesn't need to be vivid or detailed. You could even say he was wearing nice clothes or looked like he participated in some athletic event. I just want some image to replace the empty shadow I have in my mind, even though I know he's not that important. And, just a personal irk of mine. I have a thing against names I have trouble pronouncing. I'm guessing it's pronounced "lyric"?

Remember: this is my response to a portion of your writing. Take from it what you will. If you don't like it, disregard it.

I always forget to space out my paragraphs, I keep telling myself to do it when I finish, but I never do gonk
Lyrek's a harpy, I guess I should have described her more, or maybe had the man call her a harpy or something
I'll be sure to give lesser characters a face in my other stories emotion_dowant
Thanks for the response, I haven't been writing too much lately, so good critiques really help me knock the dust off my pen