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Great 0.28308823529412 28.3% [ 77 ]
Good 0.22794117647059 22.8% [ 62 ]
Okay 0.18382352941176 18.4% [ 50 ]
Needs work. 0.21691176470588 21.7% [ 59 ]
Bad 0.088235294117647 8.8% [ 24 ]
Total Votes:[ 272 ]
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good job chi i love your work
Sorry for treating your thread like a chatterbox...but if anyone asks, I'm just so moved by your work that I feel like others should read it. sweatdrop
Wow, thanks Cherry! Oh and it's really okay, I don't mind. ^^

Chapter Nine: Beginning of The End
“You’re lucky she just pulled. Her mother told me that she can fight. Not like pulling the hair and using her nails. I mean like punching.” Ben said as I smirked. Yeah girls that fight like that are wimps but I guess use what you got. “I think we better set some rules for her if we don’t then she’ll be going to doing whatever she wants.” Yeah right, like I’m going to follow your lame a** rules. “I’ll be in my room, making the rules. You just worry about making the dinner.” Oh crap! I got up and walked quickly to my room.

I sighed and sat down next to my bed. This first day here is so ******** up. But then I notice something. I didn’t have a window. Heh, I guess they are afraid that I’m going to run away or something. So I walked out of my room and down the stairs. There was a window next to the door. It looked like it was almost night time. “Do you need something, Maria?” I turned and saw Anaya looking at me. Great.

I shake my head and said, “I’m just bored.” She nodded and continued doing whatever she was doing. I walked to the living room and looked out the window. Boring. I sat on the couch and tapped my hands on it. There wasn’t much to watch either, it wasn’t raining or anything. But then I saw the light streets turning on. Wow… awesome... not. I slammed my head on the couch, grab a pillow and squeezed it.

After a minute or two Anaya finally said. “Hey Maria, do me a favor. Tell Ben that dinner is almost done.” Finally. I got up and walked up the stairs. I went to Ben’s room and then smelled something. Great, I think I know what it is. As I came closer the smell got stronger. Has he always been doing this? I grinned and knocked on his door. I went closer to the door to hear his reaction. I heard him run to somewhere and then he opened the door and when he saw me he looked surprised.

I grinned wider and said. “Why didn’t you tell me you smoked? I think I want to tell Mrs. Nevis about this. It’s very bad for me to be smelling all this stuff. Did you know that people who get second hand smoking are more at risk for getting lung cancer? Yes I know it’s very bad. So do you have her number?” He frowned at me and shook his head.

“I wasn’t smoking I was… breathing in an herb remedy that my family used to relive stress.” Yeah right, like hell. I know what I smelled. “So what do you need?” Heh, changing the subject I see. I smirked and quickly looked in his room. All I saw was his bed, a drawer, a computer and a trashcan. My, my... where’s that so called remedy? But then I guess Ben saw what I was doing and closed the door behind him.

“Where’s that remedy? I want to try some. Oh and Anaya said that dinner is almost done and I still want Mrs. Nevis’s number.” I said as I smelled him. Yep, he’s a pot head. Ben frowned. “Ben, I’m going to stay here for a year, whole year. Remember that.” I said as I went down stairs. I didn’t hear any foot steps behind me so I guess Ben didn’t want to come down stairs just yet. Heh, probably wishing he could stab me or something.
More of Chapter Nine in another post.

Edited in: Here's the list of ideas I got so far.
Cherry wants Maria to have a meltdown.
Bluecloud wants someone to give Maria a Valentine and she has to figure out who it is.
NamiStar wants the two guys Ryan and Bear to I think give her a Valentine and to see if she would accepts their gift or reject it.

I like them! What do you guys think of them? Oh and it doesn't have to involve Valentine's Day at all. I just feel like writing about Maria in a short story and want to see what do you guys want in it. I just chose Valentine's Day as the deadline that's all.

Interesting Explorer

Green Tea Chi

I grinned wider and said. “Why didn’t you tell me you smoked? I think I want to tell Mrs. Nevis about this. It’s very bad for me to be smelling all this stuff. Did you know that people who get second hand smoking are more at risk for getting lung cancer? Yes I know it’s very bad. So do you have her number?” He frowned at me and shook his head.


The black bold letters is the word that is missing.

Oh Ben, how could you? mad Never judge a book by its cover.

lilbnny420's Significant Otter

Shadowy Rogue

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wow... a bit of a twist... cool. I don't know when i'll have the banner ready cuz some stuff has come up, (read my journal for an explanationon as to what I mean) and I'm trying to get past everything thats going on at this point in my life.
heart I still love it heart
good job love your work
he's busted!!! lol, also, maybe when she finds out who gave her the valentine she kinda likes him cool
This is a great story! I can't wait to read more ^^
I'm a huge fan of romance, and I like the valentines day idea; when Maria gets valentine gifts from both Ryan and Bear.
Thanks NamiStar, it makes more sense now. Lol, I know right, never judge a book by the cover.

Thanks Rogue, okay take your time.

Thanks, sijesimone and Belle!

Yeah totally! Hmmm... interesting, I'll think about it. Thanks bluecloud!

Really? Thank you, Chii!
hmmm i like this. i still think maria is kinda shallow but maybe if u gave us a lil more insight on her conflicting emotions? instead of this guess work based on her actions? just a suggestion because i like it when authors paint a picture so the readers can really get into the story. I loved how you let her eavesdrop on her new parents it gave everybody soem insight!. 3nodding vut i also thought it was weird how her foster dad was all "im going to my room to make rules" it just sounded awkward. maybe somethin along the lines of "ill head to our room to think this over and we can run over it later" maybe? i dunno. but yea keep up the good work i think one of her new "dude" friends needs to find out about her home situation and be the total support for her when/if she finally has a meltdown from all thsi non-emotion. kk well im done critiquing. nice job. ill keep reading. ^_^
Heh... New person. I've just finished reading your story, and I must say I'm addicted. I'm not much a fan of cursing, but I can deal with it. Also, I still think that Maria is - well, shallow - so I suggest adding a bit more character, reason for her to be so angry at the world. however, other than that - well, great!

Ruthless Hunter

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bens' been a bad boy! 3nodding
Lol, thanks Godzilla!

Wow, thank you Starlitwriter. ^^

Oh wow, lol! Thanks for the comment Ardell!

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