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Hilarious Raider

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Autumn
Chapter One: I. hate. this. music.

Never asked for this C.D.. Hate it though. Cloe gave it to me. Says it is from 1978. We love old music. The name of this song is Autumn. It has nothing to do with Autumn though. Cloe got it from her grammy. I hate her grammy. She thinks im not perfect. I am perfect the way I am. My half shaved head. My twelve piercing. My thirteen REAL tattoos. I love em' all. So why do they not love me? Anyway. I still hate this music. The rhythm is ok. The lyrics bother me. I listened to it three times. It made me throw a book. My mom said I have anger management class. Tomorrow. On a saturday. I want to draw manga instead. Just because I do not bottle up my feelings like everyone else does not mean I have problems. It means I am free. Like Autumn. The season. Not the stupid song. I wish the song was out of my sight. I wish I could draw on sunday. I wish i was what people think as perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect face. Perfect clothes. Perfect bottled up feelings. The only thing is, I am the opposite. Exactly the opposite. A in-perfect human being. My sister is perfect. I hate everything about her. She hates everything about me. So we avoid each other. No one knows we are related. Me and my sister Jane. Twins. Separate. My only friend is Joe. We are in love. I'm his Juliet. He is my Rome. We are going to run away next month. I count the days till' we leave. 16 more days. He promised we would be together. We have the same situation. Hated by all. In-perfect. Meant to be with each-other. Cloe is not my friend. She is my councilor. She is ok. She is normal. Everybody likes her. She helped me become a singer when i was three. Now i stopped singing. Joe said it was annoying. I belong to Joe. I am his soulmate. I gave everything to Joe. I trust him with my life. Same with me. He trusts me. He promised. Joe will never brake a promise. He said so. I love Joe. He sings me songs every night. He does not sing about the war. There is a war in our country. Half of the country is human human. Me and Joe are human wolf. Half of us are. My family is human. I was cursed with my tail and ears. I tried to cut them before. They grew back three days later. Those three days were the best ever. Sometimes I wonder why I am here. I don't want to be here. I do not want to suffer pain though. Pain hurts. I live on the beach. With my family. In a mansion. I hate it there. Everyone says I am lucky to be there. I hit them all. !6 more days till freedom. 16 more days till Autumn. 16 more days till I throw away this stupid C.D..
kamawesome's avatar

Hilarious Raider

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bump blaugh
wowzers..... perfect is overrated anyway.... like the story.... sounds alot like someone's diary......
You're gonna need to use paragraph breaks, otherwise it's just way to hard for me to read this giant wall of text.
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Hilarious Raider

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Maltese_Falcon91
You're gonna need to use paragraph breaks, otherwise it's just way to hard for me to read this giant wall of text.
sry, its jes the way i like it. But i will take ur advice and do that kk
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Hilarious Raider

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Mystery299
wowzers..... perfect is overrated anyway.... like the story.... sounds alot like someone's diary......
thx means alot, chapter two is on the way :3
chapter 2? when?
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Hilarious Raider

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Mystery299
chapter 2? when?
i makin chapter two right now biggrin
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Hilarious Raider

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Autumn
Chapter two: I.HATE.MY.SISTER
kamawesome's avatar

Hilarious Raider

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Autumn
Chapter two: I.HATE.MY.SISTER

My twin sister, jane. Blond hair. Pink highlights. Cheerleader. Popular. Tanned skin. Girly. Everything im not. I hate her so much. We go to the same school. Have the same classes. Same teachers. Same last names. But everyone thinks i was adopted. Im glad. I dont want to be related to her anyway. But, we are twins. We dont look alike at all. When i cut off my tail and ears one time, Joe said that i looked just like my sister. I realized i didnt care.After they grew back, i was a lil more happier. And Joe was too. Today me and Joe went for a walk in the woods. We say a squirell and ate it. My mother looked like she could die when she saw the squirrel blod on my hands. Actually it was my own blood. During the walk, a bomber fighting for the human human side put a bomb in my bag. Joe got away safe. I almost lost a finger. I didnt care. At least Joe was safe. My counsler, Cloe, said that Joe might not be right for me. I cried the whole day. She gave me jellybeans but i threw them away. Right in her face. She sent me to the "thinking" corner. I get sent there alot. But who cares. No one. Even my own blood twin sister doesnt even think about me. That lil' devil. I hate my sister.
kamawesome
Autumn
Chapter One: I. hate. this. music.


Sounds a bit whiny. wahmbulance

kamawesome
Never asked for this C.D.. Hate it, though.


Hate is a passionate emotion. Does that mean the main character is passionate about this compact disc?

kamawesome
Cloe gave it to me. Says it is from 1978. We love old music. The name of this song is Autumn. It has nothing to do with Autumn, though.



Why is it called Autumn? Titles should tell something about the piece, whether it be music, art, writing, recipes, or even people. Perhaps the main character is not deep enough to recognize the similarity between the album and the season.

kamawesome
Cloe got it from her grammy. I hate her grammy.


How strange for the main character to be so passionate about a presumably old woman.

kamawesome
She thinks I'm not perfect.


Some religions name Jesus Christ to be the only perfect human being. So, I would assume, if the main character is not Jesus and is human, the grandmother has a correct assessment of the main character. This is probably why the main character is so passionate over the wise grandmother.

kamawesome
I am perfect the way I am.


Watch out, we've got a narcissistic main character on our hands!

kamawesome
My half shaved head. My twelve piercings. My thirteen REAL tattoos. I love em' all. So why do they not love me?


I wasn't aware that tattoos and piercings were capable of such emotions.

kamawesome
Anyway. I still hate this music. The rhythm is okay. The lyrics bother me. I listened to it three times. It made me throw a book.


Why?

kamawesome
My mom said I have anger management class. Tomorrow. On a Saturday. I want to draw manga instead. Just because I do not bottle up my feelings like everyone else does not mean I have problems.


Perhaps if the main character had been working on funds to move out instead of working on an arguably eccentric appearance, the main character wouldn't be having this issue.

kamawesome
It means I am free. Like Autumn. The season. Not the stupid song. I wish the song was out of my sight. I wish I could draw on Sunday. I wish I was what people think as perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect face. Perfect clothes. Perfect bottled up feelings. The only thing is, I am the opposite. Exactly the opposite. A in-perfect human being. My sister is perfect. I hate everything about her. She hates everything about me.


How is Autumn free exactly? Autumn usually marks the beginning of school, so unless you consider school to be a means of gaining one's freedom, I don't quite understand this simile. Perhaps you could further explain this.

Also, the main character seems to be an incredibly passionate person.

kamawesome
So we avoid each other. No one knows we are related. Me and my sister Jane. Twins. Separate. My only friend is Joe. We are in love. I'm his Juliet. He is my Romeo.


Okay, I'm not going to get into this argument again, although I will if I have to. Last time, the person I argued with started crying because "OMGEEE ROMEO N JULIET IS THA MOSTEST BUUUTIFUL LUFF STORY EVARRRRR!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!".

That was painful to type out.

Anyway, Romeo and Juliet is not a love story. So if this is the main character's view on love, it probably won't last. You see, Romeo and Juliet, while seemingly in love (at first sight, none the less!), were in love with the concept of being in love. So, if the main character is comparing him/herself to this unfortunate pair of teenagers, we can gather that the main character hasn't read the play or didn't understand it. We can also guess the ending - the main character and Joe are going to die by a double suicide because they refuse to live without each other due to the inability to be single for more than two minutes.

kamawesome
We are going to run away next month. I count the days 'til we leave. Sixteen more days. He promised we would be together. We have the same situation. Hated by all. Imperfect. Meant to be with each-other.


That could pretty much be said about anyone.

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.


kamawesome
Cloe is not my friend. She is my councilor. She is okay. She is normal. Everybody likes her. She helped me become a singer when I was three. Now I stopped singing. Joe said it was annoying. I belong to Joe.


So, not only is the main character a Juliette, s/he's property? Because that will work out.

kamawesome
I am his soulmate. I gave everything to Joe. I trust him with my life. Same with me. He trusts me. He promised. Joe will never breake a promise. He said so. I love Joe. He sings me songs every night. He does not sing about the war. There is a war in our country. Half of the country is human human. Me and Joe are human wolf. Half of us are. My family is human. I was cursed with my tail and ears. I tried to cut them before. They grew back three days later. Those three days were the best ever. Sometimes I wonder why I am here. I don't want to be here. I do not want to suffer pain though. Pain hurts. I live on the beach. With my family. In a mansion. I hate it there. Everyone says I am lucky to be there. I hit them all. Sixteen more days 'til freedom. Sixteen more days 'til Autumn. Sixteen more days till I throw away this stupid C.D..


This is interesting yet incredibly whiny. It reeks of teenager. I enjoyed it, however, and I do wonder where you will be taking this.

Best of luck and happy writing!

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