liftedplane
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- Posted: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 09:31:19 +0000
Edit. A note on Grammar. I apologize, but as I said it was an rough draft written at about 1 in the morning, I even spelled the word write incorrectly... thats when you know you are tired. *sigh*
I'm going to start a rework, but its just a rough draft. I want to know what you think about the storyline. Grammar is crap as of now. but then, I wasn't feeling to hot and 'twas quite late. sweatdrop
I apologize
I'm currently writing this for a project in my creative writing class. Its the first thing I've been able to write in a few years and I was wondering people opinions on it. this is the roughest draft I could possible have, so please take that into account, I just stopped wrtiting about 10 minutes ago. Any suggestions or just anything in general would be appreciated.
Thanks
<center>Working title</center>
Walking down the dirt road wesley stopped. It felt different, he wasn't quite sure how he just knew it was different. Maybe it was just him, the day had been a bit off from the time he woke up, late as usual, he had to jump in the shower and wash his hair as quickly as possible, not an easy task with the amount of hair he had. Jumping out of the shower he dried enough to be able to put on his clothes, grabbed his bag, and ran out the door. He was lucky he left when he did, any later and he would have missed the bus. Sitting down he put his head in his hands and then felt his hair. "DAMNIT!" he screamed realizing he had forgot to brush his hair. It wasn't to bad, more of an annoyance than anything. Lucky for him his hair did almost anything he wanted it to.
He made it to first period just in time, and took his seat next to Castilia, she was cute, if a bit out there, then again so was he. She had shorter hair than him, deep burgandy just down to her shoulders, and she seemed to glow when he looked at her. He always enjoyed their conversations, she was an intelligent girl unlike most of the people in his class. To bad she was older than him by a day, she had taken a sort of creed to never date anyone younger than her. For some reason she felt it would never work if the person she was dating was younger than her, even by a day. Still she had to like him, with how she looked at him from time to time, maybe someday they would get together, their friends had been trying for a while, without luck, to get her to date him; She absolutely refused, said she couldn't break her vow. They all knew she would eventually, some had even told her that they might just kill her for two days then ressurect her so he would then be a day older than her. She laughed at the idea and wished them all good luck.
After first period he want to math. He really didn't like the class, though he was one of the best students. There was just something about the teacher, his style wasn't very good. Every now and then he felt that sitting through a class of someone scratching a chalkboard with their nails would be better, it must have been the teachers voice, high-pitched and monotone, no one really knew how he pulled it off, he just did.
Someone had decided he would make fun of him during math, asking him things like; What does one plus one equal, and What is the square root of your mom? He simply shrugged and mentioned something incoherent about their faces.
Looking up from his thoughts he saw something move at the end of the road. It looked almost like a human, but was slightly less opaque, more like a shadow. He looked behind him and saw someone walking slowly holding the reins of a horse in his hand and over his shoulder, the reins looked like they were connected to something, problem was they just floated there. Wesley continued staring, transfixed, the person was slowly walking in his general direction, however when wesley waved the person didn't seem to notice. Looking he noticed that the person was also slightly translucent, barely enough to see, but still. he could almost see the fence behind the person.
His foot hit something on the ground and he fell over backwards, getting up he looked around. Not paying attention and walking backwards was never good, he had tripped over a board that had fallen from the fence next to him. looking up he stopped thinking altogether, the man wasn't there anymore, everything was gone, the reins the piece of bit that was visible from the invisible horses mouth. There weren't even any footprints. Shaking his head he turned around and started walking. About twenty feet away he was stopped abruptly by a cold object against his throat, moving to feel it he was stopped by a man's voice.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. One little knick and you're dead." The voice said in a cold drawl. turning in the direction of the voice he was stopped by a slight amount of pressure against his neck. "Ahahah, Move another centimeter and I'll remove your head from your shoulders. Now tell me, what are you doing here? This territory belongs to Lord Damaris. Travelers aren't allowed, especially kids."
"I... I was on my way home from school." Wesley stammered, "and who is Damaris?"
"Speak properly boy or I'll kill you were you stand. How can you hav not heard of The great Lord Damaris, The king who removed the Troll threat from our great lands?"
"Trolls?! What are you talking about? I'm from Crystal springs. I've never even heard of a troll, let alone a great King who removed a supposed great threat from the land."
"You have alot of nerve boy, Speaking to me in such an insolent fashion. Tell me, where did you aquire such odd garb?"
"Odd garb? You mean my clothing, I bought it at a store, where else would I get it?"
"Boy, I'm going to lower my sword, but believe me when I tell you that if you even think of running, I'll shoot you in the back. Turn and look at me. Lets see the rest of your face." The man said in a matter of fact way, leaving no room for questions.
Turning Wesley looked at the man. He was wearing some of the strangest clothing he had ever seen, His hair was held back with a braided leather cord and left only a small amount of bangs hanging down into his face, His shirt was black with ties holding it closed at the top, he silver embroidered coat with a royal blue wolf on either side of the collar. His pants were long and black, tucked into a pair of Knee high boots that turned down on the top with silver and blue thread worked into a pattern, very similar to a celtic knot. "Where did you get your clothes?" He asked, a small smile starting to spread across his face, Looking around him the smile was immediatly replaced. The dirt road and fence were both gone, replaced by grass and rolling hills. The sky had also changed, the light seemed more red then usual and there were more clouds in the sky then Crystal springs had ever seen, most of which looked black and foreboding. Looking back at the man he fell to the ground with a hollow thunk, his bag falling off of his shoulder. So that feeling had actually been something, and the person with the horse, who was that?
"What troubles you boy?" the man asked, "you seem like you just saw a ether."
"A what! What in the bloody hell is an ether? And I'm not boy, my name is Wesley, Wes for short."
"alright Wes, I'm Tristram Halimeda, Captain of the scouting division of the Black Wolves, The pride and joy of El'dara. I was out scouting because none of the new recruits seem able. I saw you walking from a distance and started to follow you. you do know that your not allowed to be out here, especially someone as young as you, how old are you, thirteen, maybe fourteen spans?"
"Spans? I'm eighteen years old. What the hell are spans?"
"Spans, The time it takes our second moon Iona to move across the sky. How can you not know of spans; And where is this Crystal... Springs, I've not heard of a town anywhere named that. You aren't from the Elvish lands are you? Your ears don't look pointed. Where are you from Wes?"
"Spans. Hm sounds simple enough, as for where I'm from. I'm still not sure on that one. Before you decided to stop me I was walking down a dirt path home. something really strange was going one, then I ended up here. I'm still not sure what happened."
"By the gods!" Tristramed said excitedly, sitting down on the ground next to Welsey. "Please forgive me Master... What exaclty is your lasy name?"
"Lycoris. My last name is Lycoris."
"Yes, Master Lycoris. I apologize for my former shortcomings, I should have realized by your odd gard that you were a traveler."
"A what? What exactly is a... Traveler?"
"A traveler, our scholars have stumbled upon the existince of other demisions outside our own, other worlds all connected and all parallel, all different in some way. Our scholars have said that some can reach them in their dreams, they are called Dreamers, But there is another kind of person, on the other side are those that can travel on command, just by thinking about the place or somewhere else. Some discover it unconsiously, some realize what they are doing and go immediatly to the Temple of Gaia. They are called travelers for they actually travel to the other world, unlike dreamers who can only affect small things. Travelers can do anything they want. How is it yo...."
"Wait wait wait," Wes interrupted, "I'm a traveler? how is that possible, I've never heard of anything like that before. Sure there was this theory about mulitple universes, it was called string theory, but actually going to those other places is impossible, They didn't even know if they were right."
"You mean to tell me that your world doesn't have travelers? If thats true then how is it that you ended up here? Maybe you've just never heard of them. But as I was saying, You have to come with me to the Temple, Or scholars will want to talk with you about your world..."
"My World! You have to be kidding me, I am not about to believe that I somehow skipped dimensions without knowing. No I'm not about to believe that I 'skipped' dimensions at all. Alright guys, jokes on me, I don't know how you pulled it off but good one."
"Who are you talking to Master Lycoris?"
"Do not call me that, My name is Wesley."
"Yes Master Wesley." Tristram said in a light voice.
"No just Wesley."
"Please, Master Wesley, come with me, I need to get you to the temple as soon as possible. We can't afford you accidently traveling again. There is someone there that can teach you not to hurt yourself."
"Fine, I'll go along with the joke."
"This is no... Joke was it? I'm unfamiliar with that word, anyways this is no... Joke. Please come with me it will take about an hour to walk to El'dara."
"Sure, Whatever you say Tristram."
<center>Chapter II</center>
"What was that you said about Elves earlier Tristram?" Wesley asked, They haddn't talked much since leaving the spot were Tristram had found him. "You said I didn't look Elvish?"
"Oh, that... Well to be frank, Elves are rather hated by most El'darans. About one-hundred years ago there was a war involving all the races. The El'darans, Elves, Trolls, Dwarfs, even the gnomes. All fought against each other, The Elves were especially brutal, Killing anyone in their way, they came to Um'sha, the capital of the El'darans at the time. The forces of the El'darans were mostly put towards the eastern front to keep the dwarves from getting through. The Elves Raped and killed most everyone in the town, then used their magic to blight it from the earth. Anyone who Entered Um'sha was cursed.
Apologies for the rather abrupt end, I was getting ready to go to sleep, I'll put more up later.
I'm going to start a rework, but its just a rough draft. I want to know what you think about the storyline. Grammar is crap as of now. but then, I wasn't feeling to hot and 'twas quite late. sweatdrop
I apologize
I'm currently writing this for a project in my creative writing class. Its the first thing I've been able to write in a few years and I was wondering people opinions on it. this is the roughest draft I could possible have, so please take that into account, I just stopped wrtiting about 10 minutes ago. Any suggestions or just anything in general would be appreciated.
Thanks
<center>Working title</center>
Walking down the dirt road wesley stopped. It felt different, he wasn't quite sure how he just knew it was different. Maybe it was just him, the day had been a bit off from the time he woke up, late as usual, he had to jump in the shower and wash his hair as quickly as possible, not an easy task with the amount of hair he had. Jumping out of the shower he dried enough to be able to put on his clothes, grabbed his bag, and ran out the door. He was lucky he left when he did, any later and he would have missed the bus. Sitting down he put his head in his hands and then felt his hair. "DAMNIT!" he screamed realizing he had forgot to brush his hair. It wasn't to bad, more of an annoyance than anything. Lucky for him his hair did almost anything he wanted it to.
He made it to first period just in time, and took his seat next to Castilia, she was cute, if a bit out there, then again so was he. She had shorter hair than him, deep burgandy just down to her shoulders, and she seemed to glow when he looked at her. He always enjoyed their conversations, she was an intelligent girl unlike most of the people in his class. To bad she was older than him by a day, she had taken a sort of creed to never date anyone younger than her. For some reason she felt it would never work if the person she was dating was younger than her, even by a day. Still she had to like him, with how she looked at him from time to time, maybe someday they would get together, their friends had been trying for a while, without luck, to get her to date him; She absolutely refused, said she couldn't break her vow. They all knew she would eventually, some had even told her that they might just kill her for two days then ressurect her so he would then be a day older than her. She laughed at the idea and wished them all good luck.
After first period he want to math. He really didn't like the class, though he was one of the best students. There was just something about the teacher, his style wasn't very good. Every now and then he felt that sitting through a class of someone scratching a chalkboard with their nails would be better, it must have been the teachers voice, high-pitched and monotone, no one really knew how he pulled it off, he just did.
Someone had decided he would make fun of him during math, asking him things like; What does one plus one equal, and What is the square root of your mom? He simply shrugged and mentioned something incoherent about their faces.
Looking up from his thoughts he saw something move at the end of the road. It looked almost like a human, but was slightly less opaque, more like a shadow. He looked behind him and saw someone walking slowly holding the reins of a horse in his hand and over his shoulder, the reins looked like they were connected to something, problem was they just floated there. Wesley continued staring, transfixed, the person was slowly walking in his general direction, however when wesley waved the person didn't seem to notice. Looking he noticed that the person was also slightly translucent, barely enough to see, but still. he could almost see the fence behind the person.
His foot hit something on the ground and he fell over backwards, getting up he looked around. Not paying attention and walking backwards was never good, he had tripped over a board that had fallen from the fence next to him. looking up he stopped thinking altogether, the man wasn't there anymore, everything was gone, the reins the piece of bit that was visible from the invisible horses mouth. There weren't even any footprints. Shaking his head he turned around and started walking. About twenty feet away he was stopped abruptly by a cold object against his throat, moving to feel it he was stopped by a man's voice.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. One little knick and you're dead." The voice said in a cold drawl. turning in the direction of the voice he was stopped by a slight amount of pressure against his neck. "Ahahah, Move another centimeter and I'll remove your head from your shoulders. Now tell me, what are you doing here? This territory belongs to Lord Damaris. Travelers aren't allowed, especially kids."
"I... I was on my way home from school." Wesley stammered, "and who is Damaris?"
"Speak properly boy or I'll kill you were you stand. How can you hav not heard of The great Lord Damaris, The king who removed the Troll threat from our great lands?"
"Trolls?! What are you talking about? I'm from Crystal springs. I've never even heard of a troll, let alone a great King who removed a supposed great threat from the land."
"You have alot of nerve boy, Speaking to me in such an insolent fashion. Tell me, where did you aquire such odd garb?"
"Odd garb? You mean my clothing, I bought it at a store, where else would I get it?"
"Boy, I'm going to lower my sword, but believe me when I tell you that if you even think of running, I'll shoot you in the back. Turn and look at me. Lets see the rest of your face." The man said in a matter of fact way, leaving no room for questions.
Turning Wesley looked at the man. He was wearing some of the strangest clothing he had ever seen, His hair was held back with a braided leather cord and left only a small amount of bangs hanging down into his face, His shirt was black with ties holding it closed at the top, he silver embroidered coat with a royal blue wolf on either side of the collar. His pants were long and black, tucked into a pair of Knee high boots that turned down on the top with silver and blue thread worked into a pattern, very similar to a celtic knot. "Where did you get your clothes?" He asked, a small smile starting to spread across his face, Looking around him the smile was immediatly replaced. The dirt road and fence were both gone, replaced by grass and rolling hills. The sky had also changed, the light seemed more red then usual and there were more clouds in the sky then Crystal springs had ever seen, most of which looked black and foreboding. Looking back at the man he fell to the ground with a hollow thunk, his bag falling off of his shoulder. So that feeling had actually been something, and the person with the horse, who was that?
"What troubles you boy?" the man asked, "you seem like you just saw a ether."
"A what! What in the bloody hell is an ether? And I'm not boy, my name is Wesley, Wes for short."
"alright Wes, I'm Tristram Halimeda, Captain of the scouting division of the Black Wolves, The pride and joy of El'dara. I was out scouting because none of the new recruits seem able. I saw you walking from a distance and started to follow you. you do know that your not allowed to be out here, especially someone as young as you, how old are you, thirteen, maybe fourteen spans?"
"Spans? I'm eighteen years old. What the hell are spans?"
"Spans, The time it takes our second moon Iona to move across the sky. How can you not know of spans; And where is this Crystal... Springs, I've not heard of a town anywhere named that. You aren't from the Elvish lands are you? Your ears don't look pointed. Where are you from Wes?"
"Spans. Hm sounds simple enough, as for where I'm from. I'm still not sure on that one. Before you decided to stop me I was walking down a dirt path home. something really strange was going one, then I ended up here. I'm still not sure what happened."
"By the gods!" Tristramed said excitedly, sitting down on the ground next to Welsey. "Please forgive me Master... What exaclty is your lasy name?"
"Lycoris. My last name is Lycoris."
"Yes, Master Lycoris. I apologize for my former shortcomings, I should have realized by your odd gard that you were a traveler."
"A what? What exactly is a... Traveler?"
"A traveler, our scholars have stumbled upon the existince of other demisions outside our own, other worlds all connected and all parallel, all different in some way. Our scholars have said that some can reach them in their dreams, they are called Dreamers, But there is another kind of person, on the other side are those that can travel on command, just by thinking about the place or somewhere else. Some discover it unconsiously, some realize what they are doing and go immediatly to the Temple of Gaia. They are called travelers for they actually travel to the other world, unlike dreamers who can only affect small things. Travelers can do anything they want. How is it yo...."
"Wait wait wait," Wes interrupted, "I'm a traveler? how is that possible, I've never heard of anything like that before. Sure there was this theory about mulitple universes, it was called string theory, but actually going to those other places is impossible, They didn't even know if they were right."
"You mean to tell me that your world doesn't have travelers? If thats true then how is it that you ended up here? Maybe you've just never heard of them. But as I was saying, You have to come with me to the Temple, Or scholars will want to talk with you about your world..."
"My World! You have to be kidding me, I am not about to believe that I somehow skipped dimensions without knowing. No I'm not about to believe that I 'skipped' dimensions at all. Alright guys, jokes on me, I don't know how you pulled it off but good one."
"Who are you talking to Master Lycoris?"
"Do not call me that, My name is Wesley."
"Yes Master Wesley." Tristram said in a light voice.
"No just Wesley."
"Please, Master Wesley, come with me, I need to get you to the temple as soon as possible. We can't afford you accidently traveling again. There is someone there that can teach you not to hurt yourself."
"Fine, I'll go along with the joke."
"This is no... Joke was it? I'm unfamiliar with that word, anyways this is no... Joke. Please come with me it will take about an hour to walk to El'dara."
"Sure, Whatever you say Tristram."
<center>Chapter II</center>
"What was that you said about Elves earlier Tristram?" Wesley asked, They haddn't talked much since leaving the spot were Tristram had found him. "You said I didn't look Elvish?"
"Oh, that... Well to be frank, Elves are rather hated by most El'darans. About one-hundred years ago there was a war involving all the races. The El'darans, Elves, Trolls, Dwarfs, even the gnomes. All fought against each other, The Elves were especially brutal, Killing anyone in their way, they came to Um'sha, the capital of the El'darans at the time. The forces of the El'darans were mostly put towards the eastern front to keep the dwarves from getting through. The Elves Raped and killed most everyone in the town, then used their magic to blight it from the earth. Anyone who Entered Um'sha was cursed.
Apologies for the rather abrupt end, I was getting ready to go to sleep, I'll put more up later.
