It Comes

[Esanx]

"The time." ordered Sir Frynel sternly, his sharp eyes falling on a boy at his side.
"Twentieth hour!" he yipped, focused on a small pendant wound around his wrist.
"A queer thing to count time with," commented the man, turning away. He didn't have time to look over the child's gadget, nor did he have time to take an interest. He scanned the distant trees with narrowed eyes.
"A gift from a hermit. Said it's a wrist-lace." explained the boy, adjusting his hand so that the steel chains glistened and gleamed in the light of the flames.
"A necklace for the wrist. Sounds useful." He shifted his feet and nodded cautiously when he felt his scabbard gently knock against his thigh. If I had forgotten it... He shook the thought from the head, but a voice remained, one old and thoughtful.
"It can only be wielded once. Once your grip loosens on its hilt, the blade will shatter and the hilt will burn. Be wary." warned his mind, recalling the words of the sage. Sage being a generous title. he spat silently, frowning deeply. The man who had given him the blade carried herbs in his hair and beard, with nails that could shame a dragon's talon. He had two eyes, but claimed to own a third on his chest, although when Frynel had insisted on seeing it, he grew defensive and cursed him. An old man, but I wouldn't toss his advice aside. He may be right, after all. He shook his leg once more to confirm the blade remained at his side.
"What are we waiting for, sir?" wondered the boy, his young eyes moving between the wood's edge and his watch. Frynel could see sweat slivering down his jaw like liquid snakes. The fear had bitten him and the beast had not even revealed itself yet.
The man sighed, and narrowed his eyes on the trees. "Something fierce."
"Fiercer than a chimera?"
"Yes."
"Than a b***h dragon?"
"Aye."
"Than you?"
Frynel remained silent. The rumors have found you then. He knew the tales. A king had spread the story of Frynel being a monster wearing the skin of a man. He lies so that I will return to his service. Such a childish king. He jerked his leg. "Believe in rumors?"
"They're never made without a reason. Father said a seed of truth sprouted each, but the lies and accusations of the angry watered them."
"A wise father. Although not wise enough to keep you away from me. Why did he lend his only son to me knowing the dangers. The rumors."
"I do not know."
"I do not either." Frynel glanced up at the sea of shadows above him, and counted each star slowly, his breathing growing heavier as the number rose. "They say it's strongest on a night with only ten stars."
"It? What is it?"
"Something fierce." repeated Frynel. Ten. He tore himself away from the sky and looked over the forest. "What does your father call you?"
"He does not use my name. But it is Renike, sir."
"I see. Renike, when I draw my blade, drown this fire in dirt."
"But we won't be able to see."
"That may be a blessing." Frynel flexed his leg.
"Will it be scary?"
"Very. I haven't fought a monster before. Only men. So I'm a bit inexperienced."
"Then why start with this one?"
"A monster who kills an even greater monster might look like a hero." offered Frynel with a shrug.
"Are the rumors true?"
"Only when I'm angry." He raised an eyebrow. "Did you see that?"
Renike peered into the trees with squinted eyes. "No."
"Our fire is bringing it out."
"Is that good?"
"Very." Frynel stepped forward. "They say that a sudden change in lighting can throw even the most deadly of beasts off. Do you think that's true?"
"I don't know. Do you believe the fire's death will stun the beast?"
"Perhaps. Renike."
"Yes?"
"We'll keep the fire alive. I can't risk trying to end the fight with a single stroke of my sword."
"Oh." The boy nervously shuffled his feet. "Are you afraid?"
Frynel scowled. It's been so long since I doubted myself. To keep the flame lit or not...Does fear keep me indecisive? A roar ripped his thoughts apart. His eyes jumped from tree to tree. "Stay behind the fire at all times."
"Yes." The boy looked at his wrist. "Does it usually come out at the twentieth hour?"
"No." Frynel took another step. His blade wagged eagerly at his side. "Usually the twenty second."
"Is it a bad sign that it's here...early?"
"Maybe." Frynel stopped. A tree moaned before him and sharp cracks cried out from behind it. Suddenly it toppled over towards the man. He stepped to the side and felt the frenzied rush of air as the tree landed beside him. A monstrous face was framed between the broken, raised roots of the fallen tree. It watched the man with blue eyes, a pale red dot in each. It growled, revealing yellow fangs with crimson streaks running down them. Black scales masked the rest of its face.
"It comes!" cried the boy.
"It comes," mimicked the man, jerking his blade out from its scabbard. The shimmer of the blade lit his mind, casting out the fears and doubts that had crept in. He felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips. He gave in and presented the creature with a grin.
"It feasts!" roared the beast in a voice that would make a harpy cringe.
"It dies." whispered Frynel, pointing his sword at the monster's head.

[terradi]

Your piece has enough natural breaks in it that this isn't a big deal, but generally, to break up chunks of text, it's best to use a double-enter between paragraphs. Because we don't have a tab option here, it's the easiest way to create more spacing and give the eye a break.

You have a lot of dialogue here, and it does work nicely, but you haven't given us much description of either the beast, nor of the man we are dealing with. Adding more background to open the world up to your reader, giving us a bit more insight on the relationship between these two, and giving us more information on the monster would improve this story. Done right, it has the potential to add a lot of tension.

Why does Frynel consider himself a monster? Why is he indecisive? What sort of monster is he fighting?