L o l i t a S m i l e
(?)Community Member
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- Posted: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 06:57:03 +0000
(Please read and feel free to give any feed back, please don't be mean but honesty is appreciated, now enjoy <3 and tell me what you think o3o also I'll give you a heads up that English isn't my first language and my grammar sucks x3x)
Love letter one: September 9
Dude, i enjoy thinking about you every day. Liking how you are still a mystery to me. How little by little, as i flip the pages, i get to know you more and more. Wishing to be able find the meaning, the message in the book, I continue reading. Sometimes, just like any other book, I find my self unsatisfied, I keep turning corners and the meaning, the message still isn't there. How long must i wait to find it? Years have already passed, and i still haven't been able to finish this book. I long for it, I long for you..
with love,
Loli
Love Letter two: October 28
Thinking of you makes me feel all warm and cozy inside, but then I remember how you hurt me. There came a time were I would cry every time i heard your name and that pain scares me. I am so afraid of you, of the power you may have over me. I'm insecure now, cause you broke me. Yet I can't help it, even with all that you did, I love you. I want to know you, for you to know me, to depend and count on me, to truly feel and say "I want her in my life." Once again, I remind you how i wish for you to love me like you have loved no other. That shadow that still follows you from your past, I wish to cast it aside with my light. To enter the places that no one as been able to, dude, I'm enchanted by you.
forever yours,
Loli
Love Letter three: December 1
Show me that you care! Send me a letter, a message, do anything random just having you think of me would fill me with happiness. It's the little things that matter. Yet you won't! You just stay there hoping that things will get better without doing anything. It's not like I'm asking for an "I love you", for something said so often loses it's meaning. What i truly want is something that goes be on that, something that can only be shown with actions, not words. Right now your words mean nothing, they are just empty shells.
tormented,
Loli
Love letter four: December 14
Do you love me? If you don't just tell me, don't play these games. I beg you. If it's just one of those "oh i kinda like her" then stop. My feelings for you have long passed the point of liking, these feelings of mine have now become as deep as roots. If you fight for me, if you win me back, I would give you these letters, i would show you how almost every day you cross my mind. Yes you are that special, but I'll keep putting them back in the drawer, with all the other letters, still hoping that someday they will end up in your hands. I think I'll tell you a story, maybe so you can understand me better, of my shadows, of my past, would you read it?
melancholic,
Loli
She was a senior, it was her last year in high school. Living the moment to the fullest would be her philosophy. Drinking wine after school at a friends house, smoking her first pack of cigarettes and enjoying every minute of it. From time to time she would see some old friends that would offer her weed but it wasn't something she would usually do. A little naive yet it was something that she knew about her self and would always try to work on it. Unlike her usual group of friends she was the "odd ball". Doing things that would be consider "geeky" in her times, such as watching anime, reading manga, playing video and online games. During which she would meet and create great friends online. There was this one site that stuck out above the rest and it's name was gaiaonline. There, you could meet people from all over the world, people like her, people that understood her sometimes more then those high school friends. It was like an online community, a virtual reality some what.
I remember when i first started gaia, back in 2006, things were different back then, much simpler. You would just struck up a conversation with practically anyone. I remember my first day in the site, i was in towns for the first time and met this guy named "Gamer". We sat down and talk about silly things and absolutely nothing. I fell in love, it was the first taste of this bitter sweet online love. The starting point that has lead me to where i am today.
Anyway, lets continue. This high school girls name was "Paula", or as she was later nicknamed Loli. She had already been part of the gaian community for more the four years, a pro! All though, just like everyone, she would quit or take a break once in a while. In the end, Loli, would always come back.
Her high school friends would find her odd and weird, but being the crazy lovable person that she was, they couldn't help but love her. Lacking the friends that would share her same hobbies, Loli would have a great amount of online friends, especially a close group of four people. Their names were Emily, Ninja, Bobby and Winston. People that she would share a lot of her time online with. She first met Emily, a girl roaming gaia towns just like herself, some way or another they started talking and she ended up meeting a group of Emily's close friends, one of them being Ninja. She called him ninja out of the fact that his avi was dressed like one and it just stuck with him ever since.
Emily was like any other girl at that time, bleaching her hair with stripes, liked emo boys, and ready to explore her sexuality. Some how, in one of those playful days in towns Loli and her ended up getting involved, all because of a joke with "dropping the soap". Later on, when they started dating, they would have their own inside joke about it. Once again Loli found herself falling in love with some one online, just like she had oh so many times before, but Emily was her first girl online. Even though Paula had her own experiences with girls back in high school, the relationship was chaotic and painful. Something that she would rather forget. Yet with Emily it was different, they would always understand each other and the sweetness that she felt with her was like no other. But, as many relationships on gaia, it came to an end and so did Loli's hope of ever finding the right person. During this time Loli would write things on her profile saying that she wasn't interested in online dating, you could say she didn't take the break up to well. She truly thought she would never date online again. That is until she met Winston.
Winston, you could say, was love at first sight. Everything he did, everything he said, loli would find incredibly cute. He spoke Spanish also, like Loli, giving the fact that he was from El Salvador. It's geographically close to Mexico but not really a part of it. Sometimes people confused them with Mexicans and that would really set them off. Loli was from Puerto Rico so her accent was a little different from his, and when he would talk to her in Spanish it was as if his voice was that of honey. Hearing him talk was like candy and that only added more sweetness to this biter sweet online love.
During the time that they started dating, for Loli, it was very difficult to meet and get on gaia. She would always be busy going out with friends, drinking, smoking, and simply having a blast in clubs, yet she also had to study, for she was graduating soon. All those things caused a lot of arguments and trouble between them, so before she even graduated their relationship stopped. Winston was very immature but that's one of the qualities that Paula liked, yet it tormented her. He was younger then her so from the beginning she knew that there would be problems. Still some what loving him she graduated and in two months started college.
Those first few weeks in college she didn't have much time to get on, but once things settled it became something regular. There she was reunited with Bobby, an old friend she knew from way back in the day and just happen to bump into each other. After long talks and what seemed like endless conversations she fell in love once again. Bobby would be her sexy a** country boy. They started dating and this relationship had what was missing in all the other ones, seriousness. Loli wasn't in high school anymore and as she "evolved" so did her relationships.
Paula was starting to really fall for this one, she would even tell her friends back at the university. One of her friends, named Natalie, wasn't so happy with the situation. You see, remember that I mentioned that Loli has had a previous relationship with a girl and it was horrible? Well that was her, Natalie. She demanded her attention asking things like “Why are you with him when he is online and I’m right here?” and “That’s not real, I mean you haven’t even seen him”. Those comments were something she was already used to. Many saw being part of an online community as something stupid, but I think it’s just because they haven’t seen, felt, and lived the things that we have.
It was hard to admit for Paula but her feelings for Natalie never really left, she just learned to live with them. In a day where Loli was torn between Bobby and Natalie she received a text message from Bobby. In that text message it explained how he wanted to break up with her, how doing the long distance thing wasn't working out and that he saw her more like a sister. She felt her temperature rising, hands shaking and emotions flowing. It was as if Bobby made the decision for her. Loli found herself to be more sad then she thought she would be, but she couldn't help but feel some what relived by it, for she was falling back in love with her again.
Six moths had passed and things didn't work out between her and Natalie, again heart broken, but she knew it was for the better, which made it a lot easier on her to forget. Who knows how many moths had passed since the break up, when she received a random text message from Winston. There she goes again, with this immature kid trying to fix the broken pieces of the last relationship. Why does she keep torturing herself with these online relationships. So once again, Loli started dating Winston. This time things were going smoothly, not as many fights and a lot more love and care.
One night that Paula decided to go out with some friends something tragic happened. Someone who she would used to call best friend raped her. Immediately after the incident she called Winston, crying and still in shocked about what had happened. She explained wiping her tears away as she drove back home. If only you would believe what Winston said to her: “It’s your own fault, you shouldn't had gone out with your friends then”. I can’t even explain the things that went through her mind as she heard those words being spited out of the mouth of someone whom she loved. It was as if a knife went straight to her heart piercing even the deepest part of her being. Right there, screaming her lungs out, she ended things with him for good. It was unbelievable, was this internet love so weak that a person would be desensitize over such a horrible experience? Paula found herself wanting no more of this extremely bitter love, it was to hard and she would always end up suffering.
Sometime had passed and Loli would find her self browsing and walking around towns. She still had lost hope on internet love. That is until, in one of her random town hoping, she met Jay.
Love letter one: September 9
Dude, i enjoy thinking about you every day. Liking how you are still a mystery to me. How little by little, as i flip the pages, i get to know you more and more. Wishing to be able find the meaning, the message in the book, I continue reading. Sometimes, just like any other book, I find my self unsatisfied, I keep turning corners and the meaning, the message still isn't there. How long must i wait to find it? Years have already passed, and i still haven't been able to finish this book. I long for it, I long for you..
with love,
Loli
Love Letter two: October 28
Thinking of you makes me feel all warm and cozy inside, but then I remember how you hurt me. There came a time were I would cry every time i heard your name and that pain scares me. I am so afraid of you, of the power you may have over me. I'm insecure now, cause you broke me. Yet I can't help it, even with all that you did, I love you. I want to know you, for you to know me, to depend and count on me, to truly feel and say "I want her in my life." Once again, I remind you how i wish for you to love me like you have loved no other. That shadow that still follows you from your past, I wish to cast it aside with my light. To enter the places that no one as been able to, dude, I'm enchanted by you.
forever yours,
Loli
Love Letter three: December 1
Show me that you care! Send me a letter, a message, do anything random just having you think of me would fill me with happiness. It's the little things that matter. Yet you won't! You just stay there hoping that things will get better without doing anything. It's not like I'm asking for an "I love you", for something said so often loses it's meaning. What i truly want is something that goes be on that, something that can only be shown with actions, not words. Right now your words mean nothing, they are just empty shells.
tormented,
Loli
Love letter four: December 14
Do you love me? If you don't just tell me, don't play these games. I beg you. If it's just one of those "oh i kinda like her" then stop. My feelings for you have long passed the point of liking, these feelings of mine have now become as deep as roots. If you fight for me, if you win me back, I would give you these letters, i would show you how almost every day you cross my mind. Yes you are that special, but I'll keep putting them back in the drawer, with all the other letters, still hoping that someday they will end up in your hands. I think I'll tell you a story, maybe so you can understand me better, of my shadows, of my past, would you read it?
melancholic,
Loli
Chapter one
She was a senior, it was her last year in high school. Living the moment to the fullest would be her philosophy. Drinking wine after school at a friends house, smoking her first pack of cigarettes and enjoying every minute of it. From time to time she would see some old friends that would offer her weed but it wasn't something she would usually do. A little naive yet it was something that she knew about her self and would always try to work on it. Unlike her usual group of friends she was the "odd ball". Doing things that would be consider "geeky" in her times, such as watching anime, reading manga, playing video and online games. During which she would meet and create great friends online. There was this one site that stuck out above the rest and it's name was gaiaonline. There, you could meet people from all over the world, people like her, people that understood her sometimes more then those high school friends. It was like an online community, a virtual reality some what.
I remember when i first started gaia, back in 2006, things were different back then, much simpler. You would just struck up a conversation with practically anyone. I remember my first day in the site, i was in towns for the first time and met this guy named "Gamer". We sat down and talk about silly things and absolutely nothing. I fell in love, it was the first taste of this bitter sweet online love. The starting point that has lead me to where i am today.
Anyway, lets continue. This high school girls name was "Paula", or as she was later nicknamed Loli. She had already been part of the gaian community for more the four years, a pro! All though, just like everyone, she would quit or take a break once in a while. In the end, Loli, would always come back.
Her high school friends would find her odd and weird, but being the crazy lovable person that she was, they couldn't help but love her. Lacking the friends that would share her same hobbies, Loli would have a great amount of online friends, especially a close group of four people. Their names were Emily, Ninja, Bobby and Winston. People that she would share a lot of her time online with. She first met Emily, a girl roaming gaia towns just like herself, some way or another they started talking and she ended up meeting a group of Emily's close friends, one of them being Ninja. She called him ninja out of the fact that his avi was dressed like one and it just stuck with him ever since.
Emily was like any other girl at that time, bleaching her hair with stripes, liked emo boys, and ready to explore her sexuality. Some how, in one of those playful days in towns Loli and her ended up getting involved, all because of a joke with "dropping the soap". Later on, when they started dating, they would have their own inside joke about it. Once again Loli found herself falling in love with some one online, just like she had oh so many times before, but Emily was her first girl online. Even though Paula had her own experiences with girls back in high school, the relationship was chaotic and painful. Something that she would rather forget. Yet with Emily it was different, they would always understand each other and the sweetness that she felt with her was like no other. But, as many relationships on gaia, it came to an end and so did Loli's hope of ever finding the right person. During this time Loli would write things on her profile saying that she wasn't interested in online dating, you could say she didn't take the break up to well. She truly thought she would never date online again. That is until she met Winston.
Chapter two
Winston, you could say, was love at first sight. Everything he did, everything he said, loli would find incredibly cute. He spoke Spanish also, like Loli, giving the fact that he was from El Salvador. It's geographically close to Mexico but not really a part of it. Sometimes people confused them with Mexicans and that would really set them off. Loli was from Puerto Rico so her accent was a little different from his, and when he would talk to her in Spanish it was as if his voice was that of honey. Hearing him talk was like candy and that only added more sweetness to this biter sweet online love.
During the time that they started dating, for Loli, it was very difficult to meet and get on gaia. She would always be busy going out with friends, drinking, smoking, and simply having a blast in clubs, yet she also had to study, for she was graduating soon. All those things caused a lot of arguments and trouble between them, so before she even graduated their relationship stopped. Winston was very immature but that's one of the qualities that Paula liked, yet it tormented her. He was younger then her so from the beginning she knew that there would be problems. Still some what loving him she graduated and in two months started college.
Those first few weeks in college she didn't have much time to get on, but once things settled it became something regular. There she was reunited with Bobby, an old friend she knew from way back in the day and just happen to bump into each other. After long talks and what seemed like endless conversations she fell in love once again. Bobby would be her sexy a** country boy. They started dating and this relationship had what was missing in all the other ones, seriousness. Loli wasn't in high school anymore and as she "evolved" so did her relationships.
Paula was starting to really fall for this one, she would even tell her friends back at the university. One of her friends, named Natalie, wasn't so happy with the situation. You see, remember that I mentioned that Loli has had a previous relationship with a girl and it was horrible? Well that was her, Natalie. She demanded her attention asking things like “Why are you with him when he is online and I’m right here?” and “That’s not real, I mean you haven’t even seen him”. Those comments were something she was already used to. Many saw being part of an online community as something stupid, but I think it’s just because they haven’t seen, felt, and lived the things that we have.
It was hard to admit for Paula but her feelings for Natalie never really left, she just learned to live with them. In a day where Loli was torn between Bobby and Natalie she received a text message from Bobby. In that text message it explained how he wanted to break up with her, how doing the long distance thing wasn't working out and that he saw her more like a sister. She felt her temperature rising, hands shaking and emotions flowing. It was as if Bobby made the decision for her. Loli found herself to be more sad then she thought she would be, but she couldn't help but feel some what relived by it, for she was falling back in love with her again.
Six moths had passed and things didn't work out between her and Natalie, again heart broken, but she knew it was for the better, which made it a lot easier on her to forget. Who knows how many moths had passed since the break up, when she received a random text message from Winston. There she goes again, with this immature kid trying to fix the broken pieces of the last relationship. Why does she keep torturing herself with these online relationships. So once again, Loli started dating Winston. This time things were going smoothly, not as many fights and a lot more love and care.
One night that Paula decided to go out with some friends something tragic happened. Someone who she would used to call best friend raped her. Immediately after the incident she called Winston, crying and still in shocked about what had happened. She explained wiping her tears away as she drove back home. If only you would believe what Winston said to her: “It’s your own fault, you shouldn't had gone out with your friends then”. I can’t even explain the things that went through her mind as she heard those words being spited out of the mouth of someone whom she loved. It was as if a knife went straight to her heart piercing even the deepest part of her being. Right there, screaming her lungs out, she ended things with him for good. It was unbelievable, was this internet love so weak that a person would be desensitize over such a horrible experience? Paula found herself wanting no more of this extremely bitter love, it was to hard and she would always end up suffering.
Sometime had passed and Loli would find her self browsing and walking around towns. She still had lost hope on internet love. That is until, in one of her random town hoping, she met Jay.
