Hell on Chaser's Avenue

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

This is a short story I wrote when I was young. Please don't slam me or be mean, I just want opinions. No hateful words needed.

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

ＩＮＴＲＯＤＵＣＴＩＯＮ

Everyone said evil things happened in that house in Chasers Avenue, and they were right. This book is going to reveal the untold horrors of this building as they were endured by a couple of unlucky high school students when they made one stupid mistake, one mistake that would change their lives forever. I was one of the lucky in this group who survived. As you read this book you will live through the horrific experiences just as my friends and I did during the worst time of our lives, our time… in Hell. Enjoy.

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ 1

A beautiful morning in Apollo Falls, the sun shines brightly through the thin overcast of clouds that floats over us like sheets of heaven falling to grace us with their presence. This is where my nightmare begins. I walk down Chasers Avenue with my boyfriend, Austin, my best friend, Erika, my cousin, Thomas, Christa, Taylor, and Nathan, a kid from school who just, sort of tagged along with us this morning. I walk with Austin’s hand grasped in mine and the hood of my black Nautica hoodie pulled up just enough to block the path of my honey brown eyes from the horrid piece of road trash that sits just on the left side of Chasers Avenue, a run-down abandoned mansion of some sort that was once called “Egnaro Manor” but is now referred to by the folks around here as “Hell on Chasers”. Master Egnaro, a man who once owned the building was a very shady man. My father used to tell me stories about Mr. Egnaro, he described so detailed. He was an old man, with gray skin that matched the skies of Apollo Falls when we are gifted with the rainy season, and a smile of perfectly pearl teeth that sparkled like porcelain. His hair drooped over the entire right side of his face and covered one of his sparking blue eyes with a curtain of curly, jet black hair. It is said that Mr. Egnaro passed away many, many years ago in a strange accident somehow involving a theatre mask, which made me wonder how one may have an ancient with a theatre mask. People say that after his accident, horrific screams have been heard coming from the manor. These screams have been said to be so demonic, so violent, it was as if the fear and horror of every being on Earth was released in what we now know to be called “Chasers Screams”.
Just when we walk past the manor is when we hear it, this is our first experience with the Chasers Screams. We all jump and my breathing picks up its pace, I want to run away but I just stand there, down the street from the gates of Hell itself, as if my feet were nailed where I stand.
I search the faces of my friends and stop at Christa; her emerald green eyes are sparkling with fascination. I am beginning to guess that Christa is sort of the “adventuring type”, she has a mischievous grin on her face and I can tell the gears in her head are turning at such a rate that I’m surprised it doesn’t implode on the spot.
“We should go in.” she finally says after observing the horrifying sight before us.
I look around, terrified and speak up trying to hide the fear boiling inside me,
“No, let’s not. Let’s just, just walk away. Just walk away. Come on”, I try to head up the avenue and look to others for support, but sadly I find none. Thomas seems to agree with Christa’s insane suggestion. He looks at me and cracks a clever smile.
“Sounds to me like someone’s scared. You aren’t scared, are you Lex?” He says to me with a smug look on his face. I look him straight in familiar brown eyes that are one of the many contributions to the assumption that we are twins, I try my hardest to shadow my fear realize I have failed. I give up on my attempt to be brave and just try talking them into a different idea.
“No, of course not. I just really don’t think it’s a very good idea." I flip my hair out of my face and move it behind my ear, "How about we head down the road and just hang out at the park?” I say with a somewhat convincing smile.
To me, this diversion sounds like an acceptable detour, but I was fast to find out I was wrong. Thomas glances back in my direction, then down the avenue toward the manor.
“Or you could just stop being such a wimp and take a risk for once”, he looked back at me out of the corner of his eye, “Come on Cuz, it can’t be that bad” He says with that smile that always means "let's start some trouble". Thomas had always been one of my most trusted family members, next to my mom and sister he is one of the only people on this planet that I would trust with me life. He has watched over me like hawk since we were little and has always been there when I needed him. People always ask us if we are twins not matter how many times we clarify that we are cousins. He shares the black hair that we have both recently dyed and the striking brown eyes that we inherited from our grandfather.
I look ahead and try to understand what my cousin means by “can’t be that bad”. I wonder if he is seeing the same thing I’m seeing, the way the dark clouds circling the manor contrast against the blue skies of Apollo Falls, the vines running up the walls of the building anchoring it to the ground. I silently pray that my parents will call or that I will find some reason to get everyone away from this terrible place. Before I can make another attempt to convince Christa and Thomas how horrible their idea is, Thomas cuts me off,
“Come on Lex, let’s go” he quickly grabs my arm, “Come on Cuz, come on!”
Before I have time to respond, I am being dragged up the avenue toward the manor and I am becoming more and more terrified as I see that Hell on Chasers Avenue is coming closer and closer into my sight.

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ 2

I gaze up at what I believe is one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen. The way the large oak trees seem to be the closest thing to life on this property, the wall of the building is cracked and faded, the manor looked as dead as the former owned was thought to be. I took a step back fearing that the manor may collapse at any moment and I will be in the path of the hell that is unleashed.

My heart skips a beat when the rusted black metal gates screech from the force of the wind that has suddenly picked up, they break the silence that floods my mind as I stand before the aging mansion. The leaves rustle across the ground and down the sidewalk as if they wanted us to follow them, follow them down the side walk and as far away from here as possible. I suddenly wish I could be one of those little leaves, being able to just float across the ground and get away from here. I look over at my friends, none of them are showing any sign of fear that I have noticed, but suddenly I glance at Erika, she has goose bumps and is breathing slowly, I don’t think I’m the only who’s scared anymore. I look up at Austin; he is staring blankly, completely lost in the sight set before us.

“Well, it was your idea to come up here”, he said taking a quick glance at Thomas and Christa; “I think you two should go first”.

Thomas and Christa exchange a worried glance at Austin, then each other. They slowly step up to the gates and push them open, the gates let out a screech so loud it were as if they were calling down to the demons in the depths of hell, it sends shivers down my spine, I close my eyes, take a deep breath and walk as slowly as possible up toward to large, rotting doors of Egnaro Manor. I hear the gates slam shut behind us and take a step forward toward the front door. The wind blows and rustles the dying leaves that hang wearily on the limbs of the rotting oak trees.

I try to hold Austin back but he pushes the front door open and we all step inside. Before we are able to get even a couple feet inside the building the door swings shut behind us and I hear the lock fall heavily into place. We creep slowly into a large room, a heavy metal chandelier hanging from the center of the high cracked ceiling. I see a small light coming from a door across the room. I walk slowly toward it and gently push open the door, it squeaks loudly. I step into a small room that resembles an old study; I walk in slowly and flick on a light. I see an old oak rocking chair gently moving back and forth squeaks quietly with every move. There is a man sitting in the chair facing a large bookshelf, i begin to step out when he turns around. I cover my mouth to keep myself from screaming, he is wearing a silver mask, cracked and weathered from years of use, his skin is gray and pasty. He is dressed in and old jacket and a pair of heavily worn slacks. I turn and run back out the door and across the room to the others.

"You guys we have to get out of here. He's real. He's--"

The man quickly crossed the room and stopped in front of a large rotting maple dining table siting under the chandelier. He raises his hands and the sleeves of his over-sized jacket fall down to his elbows.

"Welcome to my home children. I hope you like it enough to stay, wouldn’t want my house guests to be uncomfortable in their new home. That’s right, when deciding to take your little adventure to my home you made the decision of becoming my permanent visitors. You will now be living here, you will become one of us and you will be my slaves. You will be loyal to me and follow my commands. You will come to me when I call for you and you are not dismissed until I tell you so. You will speak only when spoken to and you will refer to me as Master.



From now on. You will follow these rules. Break them and you die. You will be staying in that room there", he points over to a small door to the left of a large table in the center of the room, “Oh, and children,” He looks back to us,” I wouldn’t think of trying to leave your new home, because I will send my men after you, they will find you, and they will kill you. You are dismissed. Leave my sight now!"

He snaps his fingers and two men appear in the room within the time it took for Master to lower his hand. They are wearing raggedy jumpsuits and masks. One of the men is tall and slender looking while the other is bulky and muscular; the leaner man is wearing a black mask that covers his entire pale face. The other is wearing a gold mask that covers only his eyes; he has a red mustache that hides his mouth and chin. The two men escort us to a room and direct us to the cots in the room; they leave quickly when Master whistles for them. We are left alone in the small, dingy room. It smells like mold and rotting wood, the shag carpets are brown and raggedy, and the use-to-be-white walls were now aging and now fading into a yellow- ish brown color. The air vents are rusted and the windows are foggy and water-stained, the cots we are forced to sleep on are dark and musty smelling, I would never had guessed that I would be spending the first morning of my spring break in a place like this.

“CHILDREN!” Master calls. We walk quickly into the main room and meet Master there. He is standing in the middle of the room. Master steps forward into the light, he is wearing the same silver mask from earlier but instead of slacks and a jacket he was now wearing a full black suit with an orange tie loosely secured around his skinny neck and the edge of a hanky hanging out of his front pocket.

“Now children, you may have noticed that I am dressed a little nicer than earlier today. I dressed up specifically for this occasion. I want to present a demonstration for you all but sadly; I have no one to assist me with this simulation. So I decided that one of you will help me” he said slyly, “Any volunteers?” he shook his head disappointedly, His hair fell lightly over his eye, “No one? I guess I will have to choose for myself then” he looked over us and raised his skinny hand,

“Hmm... such a difficult decision" Christa was breathing quickly and goose bumps were beginning to appear on her arms, Master slowly turns his head and grins cleverly, "You!”

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ 3

He points a bony, gray-ish finger at Christa and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach and a quizzical look covers her face. She steps forward toward the rotting table and Master's men step next to her with evil grins hiding behind their masks. They grab her arms and lift her violently into the air. She kicks her legs and flails her arms trying to strike the men. The minions use their free hand to lock a tight grip around her legs. She begs and pleads with tears streaming from her light blue eyes, her blonde hair wildly thrashing around as she tries her hardest to break the grips of Master’s men who are now pulling her up onto the table. They tie her down with leather straps, she kicks and screams and throws herself around the table trying to avoid being tied down. Master’s men finally get control of her and she is strapped tightly to the table. Her face and eyes are flooded with tears. Master’s men climb up onto the table, the taller man pulls out a wooden bat and the other a rusty crowbar.

"No! Please! No! What are you doing?! Stop!"

She sees the weapons and starts screaming and kicking, thrashing around like a fish out of water. Master’s men chuckle sadistically. Master claps his wrinkled hands and their laughter ceases. They quickly fix their gaze upon Christa; he snaps his fingers and the men begin beating her with their weapons, showing no sign of mercy. It seems as if they are barely fazed by Christa’s screams as they continue to take violent blows to her upper body. Master stands silently with a cruel smile on his face. The muscular man kicks her in the face and the other takes one last brutal blow to her head with the crowbar and she falls limp. They jump down from the table and retreat to the second floor of the mansion. I can’t take my eyes off of Christa’s limp body. Her face covered with crimson blood and her shirt ripped and torn covered in her blood and tears. The table is now soiled with blood and there are marks and indentions from the brutal hits of Master’s men, there are wear marks from Christa thrashing around while tied to the table.

Master turns to face us, still smiling.

“I hope you learned something from this experience. Just remember, if you ever think of escaping you will end up just like your friend. You are dismissed.”

We all walk slowly to our dingy cots and sit silently. I look out the window, it is already dark.

“I think we should get some rest. You never know what he’ll have planned for tomorrow.” I say to the others who just nod their heads wearily. They all lie down on their cots and gently drift to sleep. I stay awake all night; every time I close my eyes I see Christa’s pale body lying motionless on the table. I finally lay my head down on the cot and fall asleep around 2 a.m.

Erika shakes me awake, “Alexis. Alexis! Get up. He’s calling us” I jump up and throw my black hair into a quick ponytail with the orange hair-tie that was secured around my wrist and follow her into the main room. We find Master standing on a balcony above us on the second floor.

“Your friend’s blood needs to be cleaned. Your first assignment for this morning will to be to scrub this room spotless. I will separate you into two pairs and you will each clean one half of the room. If I am displeased with either pairs work, you and your partner will choose which of you will end up like your friend.”

We all stand silently, I try to avoid Master's gaze.

He looks over the rusty rail of the balcony and chooses our partners. “You… with you and you with… you” He chose. “It is currently 8 a.m. I will return in exactly 3 hours to inspect your work. Good luck children.” He backed away from the balcony and left us to our work. "

I was paired with Thomas and Erika with Austin. Thomas, Nathan and I handled the left half of the room and Erika, Taylor and Austin cleaned the right. Thomas and I began at a broken grandfather clock that stood only a couple feet from the table. I picked up a ripped cloth that sat in a moldy white bucket and began scrubbing the floor. We cleaned and re-cleaned every spot in the room, the table and floor took us the longest because of Christa’s blood. We approached the table slowly and scrubbed the floor beneath the edge of the table, I could see where Christa lay and the pool of blood that formed around her that had dripped onto the floor. Thomas and I clean the area as best we could, but sadly 11 a.m. comes quickly and we just finish when Master walks down the stairs into the main room. I toss the rag back into the bucket and the once clear water is now a mud red color. He carefully inspects every inch of the room. We silently pray for each-other’s lives, that we won’t have to choose and none of us will end up like Christa did.

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ 4

"Well done children, you will live another day. Congratulations. I will soon have to prepare the mansion for the ceremony. You are dismissed until then”

We walk to our room and sit on our cots. I look around the room and again notice the rusted air vents. They are abnormally large; I sit and inspect them silently. Erika taps me on the shoulder.

“What are you thinking about Lexi?”

“Oh I was just looking at the air vents. They're kind of big. We could probably fit into them.” Then, a brilliant idea popped into my head. I call the others closer, “We can use the air vents." They all look puzzled. "I bet all of them are connected and they all probably lead to the roof. If we can get to the roof we can climb down the tree and hop the fence. We would have to open every vent so it doesn’t get too hot. But, how?”

“Well, Master will probably have his men getting everything ready for that ceremony thing, so we could sneak around and open them all while they’re preparing.” Thomas said.
I look out the window and ponder his suggestion. Before I know it I’m staring into darkness. I look out into the main room at the grandfather clock across the room. It’s nearly 9 p.m. I go back into the room and continue to plan the 'air vent escape'.

Thomas and I continue to perfect the plan while Austin and Erika sleep. By the time we finish it is almost midnight. We agree to go to sleep and inform the others of the plan in the morning. We just hope that we have predicted Master’s actions correctly. I lay my head down on the stiff pillow and brush my hair from my face. I stay awake for about an hour and finally drift to sleep.

The next morning I am the first one awake. I look out at the clock; it reads 8:04 a.m. I wake the others, if we’re going to go through with this plan we’re going to have to start early. I finally wake Thomas before I hear Master calling us to the main room. I drag the others into the room, we meet Master there.

“You are late children. You have delayed my order, for this you will be punished. You come here" He summons Taylor to his side, she looks terrified. Fear was burning from her green eyes, "Follow me" We walk to the west wing of the mansion into a large dark room. The walls were lit with small hanging lights. In the middle of the room there was a large tub with a strange cloudy liquid filling it to the top.
Master snapped his fingers and his men appeared from the darkness across the room. They quickly snatch Taylor's hands into a rope and tie her ankles. They wrap a blindfold tightly around her face and carry her slowly toward the tub. She moves quickly, trying to wriggle out of their grasp. They tie a rope to the one around her wrists and lift her a couple feet over the tub. Slowly she is lowered toward the liquid; her feet go in first and her shoes disintegrate at the touch of the liquid. She begins screaming furiously and her face becomes a beat red color. The skin is quickly burning off her legs and her bone is becoming more visible. She screamed violently and she yanks at the ropes ties around her wrists. Slowly more of her body is being lowered into the tank and the liquid is turning a sickly pink-ish color, bubbling acidicly against Taylor's skin. Soon she is lowered so far in the tank that all but her head is burning in the tank. I watched her scream and her flesh burn from her bones. He face turns a sickly pale color and she stops moving. Her head falls and lies limply on her shoulder.
Mast turns to us, "You must start early. I have an announcement, instead of performing your ceremony tomorrow night we will be moving it to tonight. Your next assignment is to go throughout the mansion and clean every room.”

Little does he know, this only perfects our plan. We go through each room and open every rusty vent. We are sure to open the vents in our room last so we don’t risk running into Master or his men. We finally push open the last vent, I look out into the main room and see no sign of Master. We all quickly climb into the vent and crawl silently through the warm steel tubes, stopping at every sudden movement or sound. We finally make it to the roof when I hear Master calling us. It was only a matter of time before he found us missing and sent his men after us. We have to think of a new plan, fast.

“Ok, if we can get over to the school we can get in through the side door there. The Ag teacher always leaves it unlocked. We just have to climb down the tree, get to the fence and across the parking lot to the door.”

We climb down onto the tree hoping it will hold us.

“On three we jump. Ok? One… two… three!”

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ 5

We jump down and run across the dying lawn to the tall, metal gates. I glance over my shoulder and hear Nathan yell. He has fallen. I see Master's men run out the heavy front doors of the building and run toward Nathan. He is grasping his ankle and yelling in pain, "NATHAN!!!" he turns to look at me then turns back and sees Master's men running toward him. He stumbles to his feet and limps across the lawn. The skinnier man jumps toward Nathan and grabs his arm, plunging a steel knife into his neck. Nathan falls to the ground screaming, the man stabs him multiple times in the neck and chest. He lies on the ground, blood gushing from the wounds. The man looks up from him and sees us jumping the fence. We rush to escape. Austin quickly climbs over, then Thomas, me, and last, Erika. She climbs as fast a she can but snags her shorts at the top of the fence. I hear her scream and turn to look back, she can’t get down and I can see Master’s men running after us coming faster and faster closer to the fence.

I turn back and rip the fabric of Erika’s shorts that were holding here to the fence like trapped prey. I pull her down, a rusty spike on the fence digs deep into my wrist. I scream in pain and help Erika down, her foots slips and she falls over the side of her fence gashing her thigh on a sharp metal pole. She yelps and falls to the ground. I wrap my wrist in the fabric from Erika’s shorts and it becomes saturated with blood. I quickly pull off my sweater, help Erika up and tie my sweater tightly around her leg, she winces in pain and we begin to limp across the parking lot. I see Thomas and Austin holding the door.

I turn to see that Master’s men are jumping the fence and are now halfway across the parking lot. I push Erika to Thomas and reach for Austin’s hand but suddenly I am jerked back by my hair. I turn to see that one of Master’s men is holding me by my ponytail. He is wearing a cracked, bloody name tag with “Keith” etched into it. I want to scream or faint but I’m not going to give up now, I throw a wild fist into the air toward his jaw and knock him to the ground. He holds tightly to my hair and I fall with him onto the knife he had in his hand, it stabs deep into my arm. I scream in pain and pull the dagger from my shoulder, I swipe at my hair with the knife and leave the man lying on the ground with my freshly cut ponytail grasped tightly in his hand.

I run toward the door and fall through the doorway kicking it shut with my foot. Austin slams the lock into place and helps me up. He wraps my arm in a clean towel and guides me over to Erika who is lying on her stomach, blood flooding the sweater that is wrapped around her leg. I untie my sweater and re-wrap her leg with a clean rag. Thomas helps her up and we all walk slowly out of the room and into the dimly lit hallway of the school. We walk up the hallway toward the front door and step out into the warm sunshine and fresh breeze of Apollo Falls.

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

Feel free to give me opinions after reading! : )

[Kairi Nightingale]

It's kind of hard to read with such small text. Do you think you can make it normal sized please?

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

Kairi Nightingale

It's kind of hard to read with such small text. Do you think you can make it normal sized please?

Done

[Kairi Nightingale]

_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR

Kairi Nightingale

It's kind of hard to read with such small text. Do you think you can make it normal sized please?

Done

Thank you! That's much better. ^.^

I only read the first chapter, not because it isn't good but because I'm not sure if this is my type of story and I don't . I'm not exactly sure what opinions your looking for so I'll just give some light comments since I would hate to hurt your feelings.

Your writing is pretty good. Better than a lot of others I've seen on this forum. The only thing is that you have some run-ons that you may want fix up. I would recommend going over the story and reading it out loud to yourself. Not kidding. This will really help. Find a quiet spot with no one around and read it out loud. If you find yourself running out of breath or stumbling over words, it's time for a period or a change in wording. Again, I strongly recommend giving it a try. It's helped me catch many awkward phrasings and run-on lines in the past. I'm sure it'll help you, too.

One other thing. I understand why you would want to name all the people with the main character to get them out of the way but it's actually kind of tedious for the reader. It's similar to an info dump. You gave us a bunch of names with no way of remembering them later. I would just cut the sentence short with "I was walking down the street with my boyfriend and our group of friends." or something and develop the others over time, using their characterization to make them stick out and be memorable on their own. That way, the readers won't get confused. It's the difference between "Wait, which one was her cousin again?" and "Haha, her cousin is funny."

I'm not sure how long ago you wrote this, but it's not bad at all; it shows potential. I hope you're still writing and that you'll keep writing while working to improve yourself along the way. smile

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

Kairi Nightingale

_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR

Kairi Nightingale

It's kind of hard to read with such small text. Do you think you can make it normal sized please?

Done

Thank you! That's much better. ^.^

I only read the first chapter, not because it isn't good but because I'm not sure if this is my type of story and I don't . I'm not exactly sure what opinions your looking for so I'll just give some light comments since I would hate to hurt your feelings.

Your writing is pretty good. Better than a lot of others I've seen on this forum. The only thing is that you have some run-ons that you may want fix up. I would recommend going over the story and reading it out loud to yourself. Not kidding. This will really help. Find a quiet spot with no one around and read it out loud. If you find yourself running out of breath or stumbling over words, it's time for a period or a change in wording. Again, I strongly recommend giving it a try. It's helped me catch many awkward phrasings and run-on lines in the past. I'm sure it'll help you, too.

One other thing. I understand why you would want to name all the people with the main character to get them out of the way but it's actually kind of tedious for the reader. It's similar to an info dump. You gave us a bunch of names with no way of remembering them later. I would just cut the sentence short with "I was walking down the street with my boyfriend and our group of friends." or something and develop the others over time, using their characterization to make them stick out and be memorable on their own. That way, the readers won't get confused. It's the difference between "Wait, which one was her cousin again?" and "Haha, her cousin is funny."

I'm not sure how long ago you wrote this, but it's not bad at all; it shows potential. I hope you're still writing and that you'll keep writing while working to improve yourself along the way. smile

Thank you so much <3 I will try that. I wrote this at... 13, I believe. I have always meant to go through and completely re-write it just to make sure I catch everything, add, and remove successfully. I really do appreciate your advice, especially with the names! Thank you!

[Kairi Nightingale]

_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR

Thank you so much <3 I will try that. I wrote this at... 13, I believe. I have always meant to go through and completely re-write it just to make sure I catch everything, add, and remove successfully. I really do appreciate your advice, especially with the names! Thank you!

13? That's great, especially where I live. (Some people my age can't even spell and I'm 18. stare ) Anyway, keep it up! And good luck with your future endeavors! smile

[_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR]

Kairi Nightingale

13? That's great, especially where I live. (Some people my age can't even spell and I'm 18. stare ) Anyway, keep it up! And good luck with your future endeavors! smile

I'm 9 days away from 18 and I think revising it now would give it a great make-over. lol : )

[Kairi Nightingale]

_Sexi-Lexi_RAWR

Kairi Nightingale

13? That's great, especially where I live. (Some people my age can't even spell and I'm 18. stare ) Anyway, keep it up! And good luck with your future endeavors! smile

I'm 9 days away from 18 and I think revising it now would give it a great make-over. lol : )

lol Go for it! And happy almost birthday. =P