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Hello there fellow Gaians!
I am in need of some serious criticsm on my story here. The genre... is hard to say. I never really know what the genre is going to be when I start writing, but hopefully it is intresting to people. Now, it's not the whole thing, but more of a beginning. Once I know what people are thinking about it, I will be more inclined to continue!
Please no flames, but harsh criticsm is appreciated! BE BLUNT!
(My appologies for any spelling, grammatical or tense errors.)
And without further ado... the story!
Raven <3
Forsaken
The night was dark, the only light shining eerily down from the fluorescent moon floating in the empty black sky. A low hushed breeze floated through the empty forest rustling the branches on trees; shaking the leaves creating a cool, almost ghostlike whisper. Ominous shadows littered the forest floor; it was quiet. Off in the distance at the edge of the forest, stood a mighty cliff, it’s craggy walls and rock bottom providing shelter for small night creatures. There on the top of the cliffs face, stood an old dead tree, its long parting branches almost reaching to the moon for guidance. A pair of ice blue eyes looked out from beneath the tree the moon it their sight. Long black hair jolted out into the light almost glistening. A pair of pale pink lips began to upturn; a smirk now on the face. Her name was Victoria.
To the untrained eye, she looked like a normal person; long slender legs attached to a lean body clothed all in black, crystal blue eyes hidden behind dark flowing locks but to a hunter, she was prey. She was a Vampire, a creature of the night, blood sucker, presenting people with the everlasting kiss of death. She was a threat to society, but not always was she this way. Not always was she looked upon with an eye of hatred. Not always was she struggling for survival, living a life of exile and survival; never allowed to venture in to the sun which she so longed to. No; once she was human, who was granted all freedoms. Once she was normal.
~*~*~*~*~
“Mama Mama!” a small voice yelled from behind a wide grin. “Mama, look at what Victoria and I found.”
A young girl, no older than 7 ran across a large grassy field, her black hair tied into pigtails with bright red ribbons, her dress covered in dirt. Behind her, walked an older girl, a smile on her youthful face. She looked around the age of nineteen, with soft ice blue eyes.
“Now Beth,” the older girl said, crossing her arms. “What did you promise me on the edge of the forest? Hurry along and go change, then we can tell Mother of what you found.” The young girl beamed up excitedly, before rushing into the house.
“You spoil her so Victoria,” said their mother Anna, sitting down in an old wooden chair, her rough experienced hands working away at needlepoint. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun. She smiled a bright smile at Victoria, wrinkles forming around her lips. She motioned for her daughter to sit down.
“I guess I do,” Victoria said, sitting down in the chair across from her mother. “But with the Jennings moving over to the next village, Beth has no one to play with. She was so heartbroken when she heard that Elise would be leaving.”
Anna nodded, her hands working away at the fabric in her hands.
“I don’t understand their reasoning behind the move at all. There has never been any funny work going on in this village. The nerve of them blaming it all on Old Mrs. Callam; she’s never done one rotten thing in her life, and now to assume that she’s dealing with spirits.”
Victoria just nodded along with what her mother was saying, her hand pushing stray pieces of hair behind her ears. It really was a terrible thing. With the speculation of witchcraft now floating in the air, and especially hovering around Mrs. Callam, many of the town’s folk were on edge. A few families had already decided to leave, most of them just heading over the mountains into the village on the opposing side. It was a shame really.
“What do you think is going to happen to Mrs. Callam mother?”
Victoria asked in all seriousness. “What is going to happen to us I should also be asking. The Jennings new that you disapproved of them moving and the look in their eyes that you were defending her… I’m worried that they may try and do something.”
“I feel the same worry, but that’s not something to think about now. Supper is being made, and shouldn’t take much longer. Your father should be back from the woods quite soon. He’s gone to get some more wood for the stove and fire. For some reason, we’ve run out.”
“Mama!” Beth cried, before running out of the house. “Mama, look. I did what Victoria asked me to. I’m all nice and clean, but you have to come see the tree Mama.”
Victoria smiled, and nodded to her mother.
“Yes, you have to come see the tree that is blooming at the edge of the cliff.”
Anna grinned placing her needlework down and standing.
“Lead the way.”
Days passed since that nice summer day. The nights were growing longer, and with each passing day the air around the village was getting heavier and heavier.
“Victoria, come away from the window. You must eat your supper. You don’t want it getting cold.”
She sighed, looking away and walking to the dinner table. Her father Jack sat at the head of the table, his black beard and moustache covering his kind face.
“How was the hunting today Father?” Victoria asked while smoothing out her dress and placing her napkin down upon her lap.
“Horrible,” he said, grabbing a potato with his fork. “Never seen the woods so empty before… Something’s gone and scared off all the animals.”
“I don’t know what’s going on around here, but it must be brought up at the next council.” Anna said.
Victoria nodded, not particularly listening to the conversation that her parents were having. Something odd was going on around the town, and she needed to find out.
After supper was done, Victoria and Beth were shooed off to bed. Not long after, her parents both retreated to their rooms. Victoria lay in her bed, mind full of unanswered questions and thoughts burning to be said. She stayed there for more than an hour, before she sat up. Looking around and listening, she heard that everyone else in the house was calmly sleeping. She pushed the quilt on her bed off of her and slipped on her shoes. Still in her dress from the day, she walked quietly through the house, and out the door. She knew where she had to go to get the answers she needed. She ran across the large field between the Jennings and herself, stopping just before the house. Voices carried on the night wind, making her curiosity take hold. Creeping up to the side of the house, she heard them talking.
“I’m not too sure that all this commotion is being caused by Mrs. Callam after all. She hasn’t left her house for more than a week. Poor dear has been suffering from a nasty cold.”
“Then who do you think is causing all of the trouble?” someone asked.
“I bet it’s the Larken’s” another said. “Anna Larken was the first to speak up and say that there was no such thing as witchcraft. I bet she’s had something to do with all of this.”
A loud jeering of voices sounded in agreement.
“We need proof. In the next couple of weeks, we’ll figure out who is causing all of this mess. I’m not leaving my home!”
Another chorus of approval sounded. Victoria paled considerably. They thought that it was her family that was creating all of the problems. She turned on her heel, running back across the field to her house. What was she to do? Something had to be done about this… Her family had nothing to do with any of this. As she got to her house, a sweet, eerie tune floated gracefully on the wind. It was so saddening. Victoria felt herself becoming entranced with the melody, her feet moving on their own; carrying her to the bearer of the voice. Over the large hill to the top of the cliff was where she was taken.
“Who are you?” Victoria asked quietly, spreading out her underskirt and dress while sitting in the tall grass. A woman sat under the large tree, whose blossom covered branches stretched out to the moon. The woman turned her head, smiling at Victoria. She had bright red hair, a colour which was unusual to the town and of those surrounding. Victoria thought nothing of it. She stood, and walked over to her, still singing her sad yet entrancing song. Her long dress flew around her heels in the breeze, as she neared Victoria.
“Don’t be afraid…” she sang. “Give into the song.”
Victoria felt her body going numb as all sense of thought and feeling left her. The woman smiled brightly at Victoria, her smile once happy, beautiful and peaceful, now turning sinister and mean. She opened her mouth, and two long white teeth glimmered in the moonlight. In the blink of an eye, the woman stuck, biting down on Victoria with her fangs. Victoria tried to scream her voice catching in her throat leaving her speechless. The woman drank greedily pulling away roughly and looking down at her. Licking her lips, she stood, letting Victoria fall back into the grass, before turning, and walking towards the woods. Victoria felt her world around her fumble and go hazy. Victoria struggled to sit up, her hands getting caught in her dress, as she desperately reached for a low hanging branch. Feeling the rough bark glide against her smooth fingers, she grabbed for it, latching on as if for dear life, as she pulled herself to her feet. She was light-headed and dizzy, making the short walk back to her house very long and hard.
She got to the edge of the hill, and looked down at her house. The sky around it was bright. She rubbed her eyes, trying to keep her balance as she did. The lights looked as though they were moving. She opened her eyes again, this time to see figures crowding around her house. Long wooden boards lay in their hands as they bound the doors and windows. She felt her eyes go wide, her mouth gaping open as the people stepped back. With someone’s yell they tossed their torches onto her house. Victoria nearly fell back onto the grass as she saw her house light up in flames. Loud screams made it to her ears. Her mother, her father… her sister… they we’re all trapped. Victoria could only stand and watch as the horrifying event took place before her. She was in shock. They had planned it… the others had planned this whole thing. Tears began leaking out of the corners of her eyes as the blood curdling screams died down into nothingness. It was done… her family was dead. She saw the town’s people leaving the area of her house, probably planning to come back when it was nothing more than charcoal and ash. Victoria found her legs, moving shakily down the hill. As she reached the bottom, she started running to the house, calling out for her parents and her sister. No response followed.
“No!” Victoria cried out, stepping away from the inferno which was her house, collapsing against the tree in their yard. The bite marks on the side of her neck throbbed; small trickles of blood still running down, staining the collar of her dress. The tears started falling freely, landing in a small puddle on the ground in front of her. Her body began shaking as she sobbed. It was only a few hours later, did she find herself stopping. Her house had finished burning, and the town’s folk were back. Mr. Jennings stood at the front of the group, looking around almost happily before his eyes fell onto her.
“Victoria,” he said, walking over. “What the hell are you doing out here.” He was shouting at her… for not being in the house as it burned. Threats and orders were sent flying towards her. She was to leave the village and never return. She felt Mr. Jennings hand grab her arm roughly, as he dragged her to the end of the small road which ran through their village.
“Get out… or bare the same fate as your family witch.” He let go of her, throwing her harshly onto the road. She let out a sob into the dirt where her body had been thrown. Standing shakily she walked out on the road, leaving her town. When she was far enough away, Victoria collapsed again, feeling a fresh wave of tears leaking down her face. ‘This isn’t happening… this isn’t happening’ was all she thought, as she felt her vision go black, falling into the state of unconsciousness.
~*~*~*~*~
That was the last memory that Victoria had of her town, and of the people. Over the course of a year, she felt herself turning more and more into a vampire. Fangs grew in her mouth, her eyes and body became very sensitive to light, causing burns and temporary blindness. She travelled by night, keeping to the shadows during the long summer days. She fought for her own food, thankfully having watched her father hunt. The taste of meat was becoming more and more unsatisfying. Soon, she was unable to eat meat at all in general… only the bitter copper taste of blood is what soothed her starving stomach. After one good feed, she felt more energized, and as if she was a whole new person. Her sense of smell and sight improved greatly, giving her an advantage over others. She was able to run much faster than she every imagined, jumping from tree’s to tree’s with elegance and poise.
Years passed the villages around her changing drastically. Times were moving forward… new technological advances were taking over. Soon tall buildings covered the area where tall maple trees stood their ground. Cities and towns stretched out as far as the eye could see, only a small piece of forest land left. As all the changes happened, Victoria stayed the same. Updating her attire whenever she had the chance, she stayed the same age. Her perception on life had turned into more of a pessimistic one, her attitude becoming more and more unfriendly as the years passed. She became a hunter and the hunted each passing season. First starting with bows, she moved up to swords and now sat completely balanced on a tree branch with daggers and a gun.
“Common,” Victoria said, as she readied herself for a nice hunt. She could smell the deer lingering in the meadow just through the large trees. They were grazing, but sooner or later, they would have to head for water… and when they did, she would strike. She could feel through the bark of the tree, the stamping hoof of the lead stag, signalling for them to move on towards water. She felt rumbling, and readied herself for her attack.
Something brown walked out from the thicket, making her jump and but into the neck. She gasped and let go, before jumping back and readying herself for an actual battle. There before her, stood a large brown bear. Anger and fury were clear in its eyes, as it roared loudly and charged after her. Victoria jumped into the trees avoiding the bears snapping jaw as it bit towards her. She grabbed a dagger from her belt, rushing forward and pressing it deep into its side. The mighty bear took a step back, letting out a loud pained and angry roar before swiping. Victoria jumped out of the way again, a hiss sounding from her mouth, her daggers in her hands, baring her teeth in defence. The bear swiped again, hitting her daggers, making them fly out of the way, before its paw ripped against her head. She let out a cry of pain as its claws ripped into the soft sensitive skin near her hair, leaving behind a large bloody gash. She fell back, her hand instantly flying to where the wound was, finding it covered in blood. She growled, before standing and pulling out her gun. Victoria fired a shot, the bullet flying forward and piercing the bear between the eyes. It fell back, one last loud roar, as it hit the ground. Large clouds of dust floated in the air around the bear, and as it cleared, you could see the two lifeless eyes staring off. Victoria walked over to the animal, feeling incredibly guilty. She had told herself that she would not use her gun, but in the situation she was in, it was dire that she did. She bent down, placing a hand over its eyes, pulling down the lids. She stood back up, and made her way through the forest, and hopefully to somewhere, where she would be able to get help.
Victoria stumbled through the winding dark paths of the forest, the gash on her head leaking out blood. She felt dizzy, her vision going in an out of focus; this wasn’t the first time she had felt like this. Her stomach flipped as images and memories flew briefly through her mind, reminding her of that horrible day. She stepped forward, losing her footing, falling against a large pine tree. She gripped to its rough bark, as she tired to regain her balance finding it more difficult than she anticipated. Victoria took another step, feeling her legs buckle, before she collapsed to the ground. She felt her head hit he rough pine ridden path, as black overtook her.
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