Critique my story so far. :3nod:

[The King Of The North]

[amari_with_ra_eye]

this is a really good start of your ch. i would like to read more. you gave really good descriptions of your characters i could visualize them perfectly. dont forget the most important thing in writing is to have fun. biggrin

[SinfulGuillotine]

I like it muchly. Just one suggestion: Don't pause your narration to describe your characters. Reveal their physical and emotiona traits as they speak and as the story progresses. Try things like "He ran a hand through his brown hair" or "He blinked his deep green eyes" to tell the reader what your characters look like. This was it will read and flow more smoothly instead of having narration and dialogue interjected with physical descriptions.

But a nice job. I'm interested to read more. Keep it up.