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Ok so I've written this essay for my english class, tell me what you think of it! Thanks heart

As we drove up the winding path, I began to see the little blue house in the distance. It was finally time again for the annual Easter dinner at my grandmothers. Dad pulled up next to the garage and a heavy rain began to beat on the hood of the car. I quickly ran inside the house with my sisters to escape becoming completely drenched, and when we got into the living room, delicious smells of turkey and apple pie filled the air.

My Grandfather and as usual gave us a squeeze that could have taken out a polar bear, his grip was so tight. My Grandmother, as old as she is, gave us all a ton of kisses as if we were all still children. The night continued on as usual, with nothing seeming out of the ordinary. My cousins and I played soccer outside in the pouring rain, while my sisters stayed inside setting the table and helping my Grandmother finish with dinner.

Easter dinners with my family had always been a time for my family to get together and share with one another. Whether it was stories of what had happened during the year, or just idle chat. Everyone always made sure that they made it there on time and that they brought whichever dish my Grandmother had previously told them to make. Easter just wouldn’t feel right with out the whole family there together, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

Once dinner was ready everyone flooded into the dining room to get seats closest to their favorite dishes. I started to wonder what it must have been like of someone was on the outside looking in. Children fighting over the last bit of cranberry sauce, constant praises to my Grandmother on her cooking abilities, and eruptions of laughter emitting through the walls complements of my Grandfathers comedy acts. After dessert was over everyone began to say their goodbyes, hugs and light kisses on the cheeks were commonplace. My cousin and I spent the remainder of the time convincing our parents to let me stay at his house for the night. As we walked out into the dreary darkness, I noticed the rain had finally stopped. When I look back now, it is almost as if when I shut the car door I was closing off one part of my life. Little did we know this was the last time we would ever all spend together.

During the night I was awoken suddenly from my slumber. The shadows seeping in through the windows almost looked evil, and the cries in the distance were filled with fear. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me , only to find my Aunt holding the telephone and weeping uncontrollably. I will never forget, until the day I die, what happened after I saw her there. She looked over at me, tears flowing down her face like the deepest rivers and cried out, “Daddy don’t leave me...?
Sorry...but we don't do/assist with homework in this forum.
Oh, ok well I didn't really mean it as a way to get help with my work I just wanted to know what people thought of it...
Shae Enders
Oh, ok well I didn't really mean it as a way to get help with my work I just wanted to know what people thought of it...


Which is assisting with it....


Anything that someone says that results in a change in your writing is assisting with it.

Plus, how hard can writing a personal narrative be? I'm not the greatest at English, but I wrote one a few weeks ago....and unless your birthdate in your profile is fake, I am younger than you....
Kalianna Ariel Salmalin
Shae Enders
Oh, ok well I didn't really mean it as a way to get help with my work I just wanted to know what people thought of it...


Which is assisting with it....


Anything that someone says that results in a change in your writing is assisting with it.

Plus, how hard can writing a personal narrative be? I'm not the greatest at English, but I wrote one a few weeks ago....and unless your birthdate in your profile is fake, I am younger than you....


Ok sorry I guess when people ask for opinions, such as "that was good" or "that was bad", in the writers forum no one will ever be able to answer them again. Because they wouldn't know if the writing they are talking about was being graded or not unless the writer said so in the first place...
Helping someone with what they've already written is NOT the same thing as doing someone's homework for them. xp

As far as the essay goes, it looks pretty good so far. Cutting it off where you do makes it feel unfinished though, so even if you're stopping there for dramatic effect, I think it still needs more of a conclusion. Watch your possessives--they need apostrophes.
clarion
Helping someone with what they've already written is NOT the same thing as doing someone's homework for them. xp

As far as the essay goes, it looks pretty good so far. Cutting it off where you do makes it feel unfinished though, so even if you're stopping there for dramatic effect, I think it still needs more of a conclusion. Watch your possessives--they need apostrophes.


Thank you very much heart , for the comments and for not being mean like that other lady whee !

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