Backspace. (chapters 1-*5*)

[Serenichi]

lee-lee_grrl

I love this!! The style...I don't know, it's soooo good. It makes it even easier to read, even more enjoyable...keep it up!

And my opinion....I'd love to see more 3nodding

Thanks for reading. biggrin

More to come soon, I've been inspired lately.

[Stained_Steel]

Your story is good and I like the style. I have a complaint about the fourth chapter though. Lily is an honestly interesting character, but her arrival and the speaker's immediate acceptance of her doesn't quite fit, especially since he hints that he doesn't really like her type. It's kind of like, 'Oh, I'm gonna randomly show up and spend the night with my dead sister's husband'. I suggest you let them get to know each other before anything else.

[Serenichi]

ah, bump.

[Masked Coconut]

Hallo there. I quite like this piece. I'm enjoying the narrator's ramblings and cynical perspective. He's entertaining, but his voice isn't so angry that it's off-putting. Good job on that.

Lily's introduction seems rather fast. I would suggest that you slow this down a little. It also seems a little out-of-character for the narrator to fall for Lily that quickly-- he would probably resist his emotions a little more. *shrug*

This is one of the better things I've seen on the Gaia forums. When you finish it, do you plan to submit it to anywhere? You should. It's quite good.

--MC

[Serenichi]

Masked Coconut

Hallo there. I quite like this piece. I'm enjoying the narrator's ramblings and cynical perspective. He's entertaining, but his voice isn't so angry that it's off-putting. Good job on that.

Lily's introduction seems rather fast. I would suggest that you slow this down a little. It also seems a little out-of-character for the narrator to fall for Lily that quickly-- he would probably resist his emotions a little more. *shrug*

This is one of the better things I've seen on the Gaia forums. When you finish it, do you plan to submit it to anywhere? You should. It's quite good.

--MC

Thankies! biggrin

Lily's intro might of been a bit fast, but I never said anything about love. He's just not ready for that.

[Alpha Virus]

you rock my socks 3nodding

[Serenichi]

xHaUnTeDx

you rock my socks 3nodding

I do love you my friend. heart

[Mouko]

Ooooo...pretty stuff. I luff it.

[Strangeoid]

So awesome. Bumpeth.

Long time no write. sweatdrop

[Serenichi]