Messyart
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- Posted: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 04:06:22 +0000
Back in 2009 I started off on a little story based on a weird dream I had.
It evolved in time, becoming something of an escape and release for the things I felt but couldn't say.
Around 50,000 words at the moment... I have been unable to write along the story chronologically. I have been stuck with "snippets" and ideas that I write up as my moods take me back into the future of the storyline so far..
So, because even while I hear how "well" I write and feel completely at odds with those sentiments... I'll share one of those snippets here.
He's a witchhunter, she's a girl he met during his duties and fell for, eventually bringing her along for the journey.
"Every time I look in her eyes I feel as if something deeper than sight takes hold. As if something within me entwines with something so utterly certain and definite that I can't for a single second put all of my faith in it.
Be it her innocence, entangled with such a youthful cunning and wile. She knows what she wants of us, something so intimate that the married might reminisce. I know as a cask of the purest truth that I want it too, but I cannot let myself fall so easily into devotion. She insists that she accompanies me across a deadly land... I cannot allow myself to become a slave to my emotions and devotions when any stretch of road might reintroduce that deathly loneliness to my soul. I want to offer all I have inside to this beautiful young woman, but I'd never face the daybreak alive if I knew she couldn't wake to see the sunrise in the same world as I.
...Perhaps it's the simple fact that after so many years, I am desired. Perhaps I've neglected some portion of my being that wants to be loved and it's as unbecoming as to follow my scripture and Kingly guidance...
Maybe I truly love her. Yet such a simple acceptance of this puzzle belies the complications of such a wondrous union.
You're an old man for pities sake. Your fourth decade beckons near and she's not even reached her second. She's so much more to find in the world. For herself and for her future.
Yet... As if felt from the fatherly depths of my heart, I want to protect her. To guide her. Such thoughts are callous and selfish when she's so easily capable of fending for herself.
Maybe I am simply lonely. These children follow my aching heart across the land, knowing only that my mission is death and punishment and in some small way, I find solace in knowing that I'm not universally despised by the people who share my gaze.
Too much convolution, I must seek time alone to forgive myself some day. Maybe once I retire I can..." She stopped reading, Heinsfell looking to the floor with a tear hanging from the end of his chin.
"I'm sorry..." She started, kneeling close as the faint sound of his sorrow echoed from his lips.
"Diaries are..." He started, fighting against a soft but invasive sob. "Very personal things."
He looked up into her eyes, a sullen sense fading from him as he saw only love and softness in her stare.
"I'm too old and too wounded from the past to ever let these things leak from my lips." He stated wearily, his eyes flickering open as she moved closer still and placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears.
"I can't pretend to understand all of your troubles, Heinsfell. I simply promise that I will try my hardest not to add to them.."
It evolved in time, becoming something of an escape and release for the things I felt but couldn't say.
Around 50,000 words at the moment... I have been unable to write along the story chronologically. I have been stuck with "snippets" and ideas that I write up as my moods take me back into the future of the storyline so far..
So, because even while I hear how "well" I write and feel completely at odds with those sentiments... I'll share one of those snippets here.
He's a witchhunter, she's a girl he met during his duties and fell for, eventually bringing her along for the journey.
"Every time I look in her eyes I feel as if something deeper than sight takes hold. As if something within me entwines with something so utterly certain and definite that I can't for a single second put all of my faith in it.
Be it her innocence, entangled with such a youthful cunning and wile. She knows what she wants of us, something so intimate that the married might reminisce. I know as a cask of the purest truth that I want it too, but I cannot let myself fall so easily into devotion. She insists that she accompanies me across a deadly land... I cannot allow myself to become a slave to my emotions and devotions when any stretch of road might reintroduce that deathly loneliness to my soul. I want to offer all I have inside to this beautiful young woman, but I'd never face the daybreak alive if I knew she couldn't wake to see the sunrise in the same world as I.
...Perhaps it's the simple fact that after so many years, I am desired. Perhaps I've neglected some portion of my being that wants to be loved and it's as unbecoming as to follow my scripture and Kingly guidance...
Maybe I truly love her. Yet such a simple acceptance of this puzzle belies the complications of such a wondrous union.
You're an old man for pities sake. Your fourth decade beckons near and she's not even reached her second. She's so much more to find in the world. For herself and for her future.
Yet... As if felt from the fatherly depths of my heart, I want to protect her. To guide her. Such thoughts are callous and selfish when she's so easily capable of fending for herself.
Maybe I am simply lonely. These children follow my aching heart across the land, knowing only that my mission is death and punishment and in some small way, I find solace in knowing that I'm not universally despised by the people who share my gaze.
Too much convolution, I must seek time alone to forgive myself some day. Maybe once I retire I can..." She stopped reading, Heinsfell looking to the floor with a tear hanging from the end of his chin.
"I'm sorry..." She started, kneeling close as the faint sound of his sorrow echoed from his lips.
"Diaries are..." He started, fighting against a soft but invasive sob. "Very personal things."
He looked up into her eyes, a sullen sense fading from him as he saw only love and softness in her stare.
"I'm too old and too wounded from the past to ever let these things leak from my lips." He stated wearily, his eyes flickering open as she moved closer still and placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears.
"I can't pretend to understand all of your troubles, Heinsfell. I simply promise that I will try my hardest not to add to them.."