Welcome to Gaia! ::

Lilia BlackHeart's avatar

Fashionable Lover

10,300 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Friendly 100
ya and i like hopsin which i like how he raps and tyler the creater
Akarasu-Sama
1 of 3 that explains it lol
explains nothing; i like eminem, does that make me a better rapper? i also like nicki minaj, what does that explain? and lil wayne may be an awful person, but i like his music sometimes; does that explain anything to you about me? all you've managed to explain about yourself is that you don't know s**t about lyrics or rap. i challenge you to quote, without looking up on Google, some of the best raps ever written. and once you realize that pop culture is your main source of information, you're no better than one of those teeny-boppers who go to lil wayne's concert that wants to suck his d**k. and yeah, i can't prove i'm better, but at least i have an opinion about the OP's work that actually matters and has to do with her raps. and in an attempt to help her out, i will show her that she can improve her rap lyrics by doing one simple thing, which is more than you can say since all you've done is put down another hopeful underground rapper who wants to express themselves and told them "liking lil wayne makes you a worse rapper; lol lol interwebz i can say anything without consequence" so you know what? STFU and GTFO.

tl:dr
STFU and GTFO; that doesn't explain s**t.

staying on-topic:
Lilia BlackHeart
She's a mind
master of games
calling her name
brings her fame

having the boys get up on her like a donkey
she's the disease in my brain.
with her fake a** personality
think she might get made at me.
i'm sorry if i'm telling
the truth i don't need you.
you were someone great but i hate
that the fact you said i'm so big
look at your stomach that needs to be stapled
tight lipozine won't help you
become. you're such a dirty hoe
and you know it when you got the clap

from him, that friend. ain't nobody telling
your boo who
miss you and said
he wanna be with you.
is true or all a lie?
you don't know why
but
you think your the master controlling your puppets
may i defined you as fake as your ******** minds
you're his little b***h that is d**k
whip the b***h that eats c** fluid.
do you cry at night?
or do you start a fight?
do you think it's right?
for this little game misery and fame
from every boy to them making that big
boy noise.

just chill
you're not keeping it real.
when you're on your death bed
giving satin head.

some lines with potential and some good rhythm, you need to do the line breaks (not exactly like i did, but do it) because they add some good enjambment moments. examples?

"from him, that friend. ain't nobody telling
your boo who
miss you and said
he wanna be with you"

"your boo who" it sounds like "boo-hoo" and the next line says "miss you" that could be misconstrued as "your boo-hoo miss(es) you" (and continues with "and wan(ts to) be with you" oh, shet!) which is a greater and clever insult (callin someone a crybaby) than say.... "you're his little b***h,"d**k whip that eats c** fluid," and the "boy noise" thing that just made no sense to me whatsoever. this is such a childish way to insult people that when i broke the lines about the boo-hoo, insinuating the person is a crybaby, i was thinking, "did you write this because you are clever or did i read it wrong and made it better?" if you're going to rap, have some sort of fluent rhythm, some fluidity would work soooooo well when you pass these sorts of insult over your audience and they don't even realize it in rap version. that's the kind of genius that got eminem to where he is at. like the entire "Lose Yourself" song is fluent and clever that you miss the cleverness thanks to his fluidity; if you don't have as good fluidity, at least slow it down where your audience has a chance to catch up with what you're saying and what they're thinking, (the moment when they realize that you just called someone a cry-baby without actually calling them so and saying something completely different in the process = ********).

that line is like the equivalent of eminem's fluidity mixed with Britney Spear's famous "If you seek, Amy" (If = F; you = U; see- = C; -k a- = K; -my = me; what does that spell?) because you're not actually saying the other person's "boo-hoo" misses them and wants to be with them; you're saying that a certain boo (I'm assuming since it's rap a boyfriend? But it could be a ghost from Mario, only you can say) who misses you and wants to be with you blah blah blah.

But anyways, i got sidetracked, but i hope you understand what i'm saying; line breaks are important; the example above just asks for it, begs for it, it needs it to be considered clever and in rap, being clever is probably your biggest asset (although in Eminem's case, being white made him the superstar that he is today).
Lilia BlackHeart's avatar

Fashionable Lover

10,300 Points
  • First step to fame 200
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Friendly 100
thanks i'll keep that in mind
Lilia BlackHeart
thanks i'll keep that in mind
i'm not telling you this so you could keep it in your mind; i'm telling you so you can go back and make some edits.

i could've just justified a critique with all of your bad spelling and grammar and punctuation and left it at that; i'm talking about editing your work, adding line breaks, and making it better because this is a really rough draft. i'm not saying you're a genius but keep in mind to use line breaks here and there; no, you are not a genius because you haven't worked hard enough for it. you're bad at writing lyrics and these rap lyrics could do with A LOT of work and reworking and editing and re-editing and proof and re-proodreading.

dude, edit your piece because it's bad; you have some potential but you do not have genius so you don't get to say "it's art" yet.


off-topic: ironic captcha = get over it
lol i'm laughing at myself.

and i got it wrong? now it says "hit the sack"
which i will do after this post.
Akarasu-Sama's avatar

Seeker

2,600 Points
  • Dressed Up 200
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Member 100
Lol, why so hot headed. People are easily influenced and when listening to certain rappers a lot, their vocab and flow can get into their own. I have a Lupe flow and vocab for example, a lot of young rappers have a Lil Wayne (And those alike) flow and vocab, where a lot of filler is used.
Filler being curse words etc. Also, influence from certain rappers create lyrics like the ones here.
Talking loud and saying nothing, it's just dissing, no real message, no real power to the words.

And yes the like of Lil Wayne and Nicki explains to me, that you're not someone who's interested in rap music and the culture around it. To claim to give them an ear and claim to care about rap and it's culture is like claiming to be a hardcore catholic and praying at a satanic church.
Akarasu-Sama
Lol, why so hot headed. People are easily influenced and when listening to certain rappers a lot, their vocab and flow can get into their own. I have a Lupe flow and vocab for example, a lot of young rappers have a Lil Wayne (And those alike) flow and vocab, where a lot of filler is used.
Filler being curse words etc. Also, influence from certain rappers create lyrics like the ones here.
Talking loud and saying nothing, it's just dissing, no real message, no real power to the words.

And yes the like of Lil Wayne and Nicki explains to me, that you're not someone who's interested in rap music and the culture around it. To claim to give them an ear and claim to care about rap and it's culture is like claiming to be a hardcore catholic and praying at a satanic ******** you. you don't deserve a response; you haven't acknowledged the OP's work or given advice. all you'e done is talk about musical taste. and Lupe Fiasco isn't that great of a rapper.

Edit: i've shown more interest by helping an up-and-comer where you just squash them becuase they're not like Lupe Fiasco. you're a hypocrite.

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games