Aged Cherry Twizzlers
maybe this is weird. but i feel like the rainbow-shape wouldn't happen due to an over-weighting? like, the top of the rainbow would sink in. i don't know. my point i suppose is that i like the first line and its image, but the second line isn't easily resolving itself into a sense-making picture in my mind
here i think you mean that you are holding her up, not the weight of the air, which would confuse things to a point of silliness, but it took me a few reads to come to that conclusion because of the lack of punctuation. which is not me suggesting you use punctuation, just that maybe you should reconsider the word order or something to clarify this point. unless that was your point. in which case i am confused.
something about "seeds" here keeps reading oddly to me. like, my mind keeps changing it to "cedes," and i can't decide if i think it's supposed to act as a noun or a verb
no, all that makes sense. i was experimentin' a bit but my goal was not a confusing blob, so i'll go back to the drawing board with this one. and play around with cede.
heart
love this
AHHH gorgeous
thank you
soo with this one, it's mostly confusing to me because you keep going back and forth, between not coming by accident and "getting here," but the rest of the poem seems to be saying you're not "here" and you never got here. all the nevers and could haves and would haves are in conflict with this.
i can see the contradictions now; i'll re-word to help it make sense, maybe cut some bits. idea was "because nothing happened anything could have happened" circle logic. round two, be more clear.
now, to the skizzers!
thanks ACT
also, in "i want to drop anchor on our secrets", i have "drop" in that line (obviously) and then use "dropped" only a few lines later with the cargo. question: did it bother you/did you notice it? i kind of want to put a different shippy/piratey word there and i don't like the sound of "tossed." but now i have to think about it. edit: dumped?