the sand people ride in single file to hide their numbers.

[quasiplausipus]

your back hunched like a rainbow
under the weight of the air
holding you up i want to remind you
mother, your old body
gravity pushes

fixing me with your one good eye
you open your green mouth
my skull seeds the halls of your youth
my heart gives birth to a galaxy

now i can read the lines on your hands
i recognize the hidden constellations
the museum of your thoughts tells me
you are going somewhere
in the tremor of your breath
i see the doors you tripped
the pyramid you built and
filled with lightning and dust

[quasiplausipus]

i want to drop anchor on our secrets.

i could not comprehend your shape or
how to fit you in the hull of my ribs.
i thought i dumped my cargo
off a coast i let plunder me years ago--
treasure i spent chasing new lands,
tasting the air, looking for you.

how long have your hands been
at the bone wheel of my heart,
stealing away from your harbor?

i want to drop anchor on our secrets.

i could not comprehend your shape or
how to fit you in the hull of my ribs.
i thought i dropped my cargo
off a coast i let plunder me years ago--
treasure i spent chasing new lands,
tasting the air, looking for you.

how long have your hands been
at the bone wheel of my heart,
steering away from your harbors?

edits: 1

[quasiplausipus]

i found the pages you left, whispered on my ear
about accidental consequences and how there are none.

you have written words that have told me
i might-- no, i could
no; i should love you.
if i ever entered the vacuum
created by our sharing air
i would.
the truth is

i carry your phone number in my pocket.
i have for one thousand years.
having never spoken, we could've
tallied suns and satellites together,
we could've cataloged our galaxies

but my sighs blew them out before
we met and you never got to ask me,
how are you this evening?
i saw the nuances of your smile
when i arrived and have spent my life

getting here. i must say,
your eyes would follow me off a bridge.
i know.

[quasiplausipus]

just because i'm editing doesn't negate your opinion?

[quasiplausipus]

dramallama

[Aged Cherry Twizzlers]

love darkness sidearm

your back hunched like a rainbow
under the weight of the air maybe this is weird. but i feel like the rainbow-shape wouldn't happen due to an over-weighting? like, the top of the rainbow would sink in. i don't know. my point i suppose is that i like the first line and its image, but the second line isn't easily resolving itself into a sense-making picture in my mind
holding you up i want to remind you here i think you mean that you are holding her up, not the weight of the air, which would confuse things to a point of silliness, but it took me a few reads to come to that conclusion because of the lack of punctuation. which is not me suggesting you use punctuation, just that maybe you should reconsider the word order or something to clarify this point. unless that was your point. in which case i am confused.
mother, your old body
gravity pushes

fixing me with your one good eye
you open your green mouth
my skull seeds the halls of your youth something about "seeds" here keeps reading oddly to me. like, my mind keeps changing it to "cedes," and i can't decide if i think it's supposed to act as a noun or a verb
my heart gives birth to a galaxy

now i can read the lines on your hands
i recognize the hidden constellations
the museum of your thoughts tells me
you are going somewhere
in the tremor of your breath
i see the doors you tripped
the pyramid you built and
filled with lightning and dust

love darkness sidearm

i want to drop anchor on our secrets.

i could not comprehend your shape or
how to fit you in the hull of my ribs.
i thought i dropped my cargo
off a coast i let plunder me years ago--
treasure i spent chasing new lands,
tasting the air, looking for you.

how long have your hands been
at the bone wheel of my heart,
stealing away from your harbor?

this heart

love darkness sidearm

the truth is i didn't come by accident.
you have written words that have told me
i might-- no, i could
no; i should love you.
if i ever entered the vacuum
created by our sharing air
i would.
the truth is

i carry your phone number in my pocket.
i have for one thousand years.
having never spoken, we could've
tallied suns and satellites together,
we could've cataloged our galaxies

but my sighs blew them out before love this
we met and you never got to ask me,
how are you this evening?
i saw the nuances of your smile
when i arrived and have spent my life

getting here. i must say,
your eyes would follow me off a bridge.
i know. AHHH gorgeous

soo with this one, it's mostly confusing to me because you keep going back and forth, between not coming by accident and "getting here," but the rest of the poem seems to be saying you're not "here" and you never got here. all the nevers and could haves and would haves are in conflict with this.

[quasiplausipus]

Aged Cherry Twizzlers

maybe this is weird. but i feel like the rainbow-shape wouldn't happen due to an over-weighting? like, the top of the rainbow would sink in. i don't know. my point i suppose is that i like the first line and its image, but the second line isn't easily resolving itself into a sense-making picture in my mind

here i think you mean that you are holding her up, not the weight of the air, which would confuse things to a point of silliness, but it took me a few reads to come to that conclusion because of the lack of punctuation. which is not me suggesting you use punctuation, just that maybe you should reconsider the word order or something to clarify this point. unless that was your point. in which case i am confused.

something about "seeds" here keeps reading oddly to me. like, my mind keeps changing it to "cedes," and i can't decide if i think it's supposed to act as a noun or a verb
no, all that makes sense. i was experimentin' a bit but my goal was not a confusing blob, so i'll go back to the drawing board with this one. and play around with cede.

heart

love this

AHHH gorgeous
thank you

soo with this one, it's mostly confusing to me because you keep going back and forth, between not coming by accident and "getting here," but the rest of the poem seems to be saying you're not "here" and you never got here. all the nevers and could haves and would haves are in conflict with this.

i can see the contradictions now; i'll re-word to help it make sense, maybe cut some bits. idea was "because nothing happened anything could have happened" circle logic. round two, be more clear.

now, to the skizzers!

thanks ACT

also, in "i want to drop anchor on our secrets", i have "drop" in that line (obviously) and then use "dropped" only a few lines later with the cargo. question: did it bother you/did you notice it? i kind of want to put a different shippy/piratey word there and i don't like the sound of "tossed." but now i have to think about it. edit: dumped?

[Aged Cherry Twizzlers]

love darkness sidearm

i can see the contradictions now; i'll re-word to help it make sense, maybe cut some bits. idea was "because nothing happened anything could have happened" circle logic. round two, be more clear.

now, to the skizzers!

thanks ACT

also, in "i want to drop anchor on our secrets", i have "drop" in that line (obviously) and then use "dropped" only a few lines later with the cargo. question: did it bother you/did you notice it? i kind of want to put a different shippy/piratey word there and i don't like the sound of "tossed." but now i have to think about it. edit: dumped?

i diiiid notice that actually. i've always secretly thought maybe i was just being overly-nitpicky about that sort of thing and wondered if other people even noticed haha. dumped seems good. very reject-y