The Poetry of a Closet Dork (Criticism Welcome)

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[Midnas Lament]

So I've finally got the courage to post my poems on here! I know most of them aren't that great, and some of them are super dorky, but I finally figured it was time to show my stuff off. After all, no harm no foul, right? If worst comes to worst I'll just get some really harsh critiscism and be on my way uwu

Speaking of which, anybody is welcome to comment on a poem or the like; it is greatly appreciated, and I would really love some feedback so I can continue to improve! As well as poetry, I may be posting some song lyrics (though the likeliness of that is rather slim haha) anyways, thank you for your time!! heart heart

[Midnas Lament]

A Title


What's a title?
But anything more than a name?
Why should I give everything a title,
Since titling you would be in vain.
There is no such thing as a title
No one way to describe a human being.
No one way to describe death,
Or love,
Or life.
Or sorrow.

So what's in a title?
Is it simply a name, given to something
To force into a box
So often constructed by the ones
Who simply cannot understand magnificence?
Is it something to ridicule, demean and
To be cruel?
There is no title,
For anything more than a play,
A song,
A book,
A poem.

So why are there titles for everything today?

[Midnas Lament]

Humanity's Terror

In the end

We all end up the same

Without meaning

Without justice

Without reason

We limp along life

Just eking slowly by

Life to us has no meaning.




We take life for granted

We find no purpose for it to exist

We abuse it

Misuse it

We have no grounds for basis

No grounds for our hatred

No grounds for love

or kindness

or even Happiness

Emotions to us are expendable

Not even dependable

Chemical reactions made by our brains




We sit and whine all the time

But we do nothing to fix the problem

we keep waiting for it

To fix itself

Waiting and waiting and waiting

Too lazy to fix ourselves or our world.

Over and over and over




We do nothing but cause pain

Misery, destruction, and hatred.

We, as humans, cruel, and immoral

As we act like spoiled little children

Demented, and determined to get our way

There is no compromise for humanity

No light, no future

No way to agree

No way to truly live




We cling to false ideas

Hopeful idols and smiling gods

We cling to the known

And fear the unknown.

We categorize and sort

We label and consort

With others just like us

We wish for more

Yet are too lazy to restore

What is truly ours




We whisper and gossip

We tear down buildings

and lives

We do nothing but destroy

We do nothing but complain

We are humanity.

Quake now, for we bring only pain."

[Midnas Lament]

Second Best

" I am second best.
second best in love,
second best in life,
second best in strife.
Nothing to win,
nor to care for in this life.

I am second best, the last in line
and life is always cutting me further behind.
I am average and ordinary,
simply un-extraordinary.
I am second best, one chooses others instead of me.
I am second best, not a priority;
no clique wants me,
the second best wannabe.

I am second best,
and living my life is a boring test.
A haze of indecision and arguments,
of lies and rhymes and accidents.
Yet, there is nothing to do or say except:

'I am second best,
and I just can't be like the rest.' "

[Midnas Lament]

Writing in Fighting

" "You're a writer not a fighter,"
Pah! Why can't I be both?
Labels are for the narrow minded,
And my mind is as big as the solar system.
It holds all the thoughts I can't stop
Thinking and dreaming of.
The words that pour from my fingertips,
All reside up there, in my little universe.

So don't tell me I'm weak
I have a universe in my mind.
Don't tell me I'm useless,
I create worlds from words
Laughter and joy from a sentence
Tearing down lives in a mere second.

My passive aggressive writing skills
Come rolling down the hill of my mind,
Spreading and showing all things in harsh rhymes.
Pulling the curtains and parading signs
Of all the lies people have told
Serving justice and picking apart
The lives of the liars.

So don't tell me I'm weak
Or won't do s**t
I'm the master of ruining
Destroying and screwing
You over and over and over again
And you won't even see
Won't even know
What just hit you.

I'm a writer and a fighter
Of the highest caliber
Don't talk s**t to me
With or about me
For I light fires in minds
Inspire people's hands
My heart moves people into action
With a simple thing called words.

My words destroy lives
And bring about liars demise.
My passion brings laughter
And joy to those who believe
In my highest power of prose
I am a fighter
And a damn good writer "

[Midnas Lament]

A Poem For Algebra II

" Math is a confusing thing
Numbers and realism of all things!
It makes your brains rock
Your heart stop
You grades drop no-stop
Spiraling down in a death dance!
It pulls one into a trance
Falsely leading the way
To the "correct" answer.

You can't escape the math rage,
It consumes and downplays
The way the world really is
Explaining it in numbers and inequalities
As if it shows the true inequality in the world. "

[Midnas Lament]

Tick-Tock Humanity

" Tick-Tock goes the clock
As we let our lives run out.
Wasting time in our prime,
Not doing what we should.
Instead we sit and whine,
Acting out a dramatically dull pantomime.
What's the point to an existence as this?
Of doing nothing but sit!
If we waste time
We should just leave.

There are no super heroes
To save the day for you.
"You gotta do it for yourself,"
As they would say.
Yet humanity has grown lazy,
Fighting and dying,
Killing off all our life and time.
We're consumed by mediocrity,
Controlled by the aristocracy.
No life of our own is truly achieved!

We have to fight for it,
Tooth and nail!
Take a lesson in revenge,
Hell, even get a V8 instead!
Do something with your life,
Because something is better than nothing. "

[Midnas Lament]

Speak

" I'm scared to talk to you.
Yes you, staring from
Behind a screen,
Reading these words as
If they were a scene
From a play as old as time
That screams, spinning on a dime
Of fate and deception.
Deception in love.
Deception in hope.
Deception and all its anecdotes

The sad tale of the used and unused.
Yes that means you too.
The ones who are used
Scream in pain,
Wondering why they were sucked
Into this game.
Why they should feel like they should die.
Wondering how to learn how to not cry.

The ones who use,
Who so painfully choose,
To torment and trick the unused.
Staring in triumph at what they have created,
A broken human.
A crying heart.
All in all
A mess.

So I'm scared to talk to you.
To be re-added back into this play.
To be used in all the wrong ways.
To be thrown back into the wasteland
Of emptiness and despair. "

[0toku]

Midnas Lament



This collection of poems is beautiful. I thought most on "Humanity's Terror," "A Poem for Algebra II," "Tick-Tock Humanity" and "Speak." Your awareness of humanity's struggles is very present in your writing, and I appreciate that.

Keep it up.

As a creative side-note: think of ways in your writing to make people active. You are reflecting on the world here, which is definitely a function of art. In my music, though, I think that finding hope is far more rewarding than thinking on the faults in our lives.

[Princess Zelda21]

These are very good poems! It sounds like you put a lot of thought into what you were writing for each one. I look forward to reading any more that you post here in the future.

[Midnas Lament]

0toku

Oh my, thank you very much uwu. At the time of writing most of these, I wasn't exacty in a good place, so to speak. Though it's true hope could be a very tewarding subject should I dare to delve into it! Personally, I just find it very hard to do so, though I'm not sure why ^.^"" Anyways, thank you very much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed them.

Princess Zelda21

Thank you very much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed them!

[SpaceLamb]

I think you should only post one poem per thread or else you won't get a thorough edit or critique. Its a little overwhelming to choose one, and I can't really focus on what to say. I guess as a general critique I'd say avoid over-used phrases and cliches because it cheapens the rest of the piece. Good start though, and if there is one poem in particular you would like an in depth critique and edit for, you can message me privately and I'd be happy to comply. Good luck!

[Princess Zelda21]

Midnas Lament

0toku

Oh my, thank you very much uwu. At the time of writing most of these, I wasn't exacty in a good place, so to speak. Though it's true hope could be a very tewarding subject should I dare to delve into it! Personally, I just find it very hard to do so, though I'm not sure why ^.^"" Anyways, thank you very much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed them.

Princess Zelda21

Thank you very much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed them!

You're welcome! By the way, how come you haven't been on much lately? Just curious is all. :/