short lil poems:: Critiques Encouraged

[elfboyx]

So you know, I sometimes write in all lowercase. Everything lowercase is meant to be lowercase. Anyway:::



14.11.14

i do not know how to convey emotion

as it is far too complicated for me,

i feel sick with it, woozy and faint and

ready to die each time this wave reaches me again,

i need to take my feet out of the water


--



14.11.14

important to me;
an externalization
of my internal
dialogue,
i used to think
the wind
roared
for me.


--



11.11.14

this is too much for me now, i think

bruised knuckles, bloody knees,

sore mouths from swearing

secrets said in the dead of night

dont mean much to me anymore,

they are all the same and

i just wish they were not

[TheDucksKeepMarchingOn]

I just want to start off by saying that I love love love your poetry!

I would suggest focusing a bit more on how you want it to be read. While poetry is not subject to grammar rules the same way other forms of writing are, the way someone would read it in their head is the same. By leaving out punctuation or leaving it ambiguous as is to where you sentences end (or even if there are any at all) it makes the brain stumble over the poem. I would suggest that if you are having trouble figuring out where periods and things go, write out the poem as a paragraph and read it as you would want others to. Then go through and punctuate the original accordingly.

[elfboyx]

TheDucksKeepMarchingOn

I just want to start off by saying that I love love love your poetry!

I would suggest focusing a bit more on how you want it to be read. While poetry is not subject to grammar rules the same way other forms of writing are, the way someone would read it in their head is the same. By leaving out punctuation or leaving it ambiguous as is to where you sentences end (or even if there are any at all) it makes the brain stumble over the poem. I would suggest that if you are having trouble figuring out where periods and things go, write out the poem as a paragraph and read it as you would want others to. Then go through and punctuate the original accordingly.

Thank you for commenting uwu

I usually write very quickly and I almost never read the whole poem over before declaring it finished (for some reason? I don't recommend doing it lmao). I will work on that and my punctuation, though.

Thanks again ye