Roses...poems about love. Comments and criticisms plz?

[RedWhite-Delight]

Roses

Can you smell the roses?
Blooming once a year with their angelic fragrances.
They represent our love for each other,
And how we will blossom like the roses’ annual adamance.

Can you see how the stems entwine amongst themselves?
Like a pair of hands, never wanting the other to let go.
Wanting what is between us, yet trying to keep what is already there.
Will our love wither like roses in the snow?

Can you taste the hint of spring in the air?
So rich and heady with the readiness of a new beginning.
This is the renewal of our everlasting love,
Another year of seraphic love that will keep me grinning.

Its petals are so gentle,
Like the softest caress against my cheeks
Or the faint whisper of aromatic indulgences running swiftly through my hair and the soft kisses of tender love against my cheek.
Being with you makes me feel this way, as if I have reached pleasure’s peak.

So as another year comes and goes,
Say you’ll be mine
Say you’ll stay with me through and through
Say you’ll care for me, watch over me, and love me, with loyalty as a bind.

People will come and go,
Yet our love will see us to the end.
So please be with me for another year and more,
Thus we can enjoy another round of roses together and once again transcend.






Paradise


When I dream of blissful Elysium
I see myself clasped affectionately in your wondrous embrace
With your tender kisses scattered about me like a luminous halo
Keeping me imprisoned in a mountainous pool of felicitous grace.

I want to be forever engulfed in your passion
Drowning in your impeccably angelic presence
Awash in your resplendent smiles
You are the only thing in my life that makes sense.

With you, my heart is swelled to the fullest
Filled with the sweetest nectar of pure love
And the highest amount of gratitude
I feel like I could fly away to the above.

Surely this angel cannot possibly be mine?
Yet here you seraphically stand
With a beauty so glorious
That only God could understand.

When I am close to you
There is no one else
Only you and I
Our love, more extraordinary than this universe.

This is paradise
Something everyone yearns for
Something that I found only in you
To heaven, to Elysium, to paradise, you are the one that makes my heart soar.








Love is a deadly addiction


My heart is a mass of sadness
Full of hurt and morose
Your love is dangerous poison
Ripping me apart with each slick dose.

A chug of misery
Hits my body in a bulleting blast
Shudders of emotions sweep through
Each new rival of feelings more powerful than the last.

When I am around you
I feel like I can fly
The endless possibilities of havoc that you cause in my life
Are crashing waves that I can’t defy.

Sorrow, joy, and rage
I feel everything at once when you kiss my lips
I feel as if I will have you by my side forever
With passion and love as an anchoring grip.

Each touch from you is like a burning scorch
Flaming throughout my body
Wracking me with a swelling heart, pink cheeks, and jelly-like legs
I am at your feet yet you care so little and kick me aside as if I were shoddy.

Love is rare
Telling us that happier days are to come like a lovely prediction
It causes me to smile, laugh, and jump
Even though it causes misery too, your love truly is a deadly addiction.










Take my heart, Take my life


I’m not scared of death
If it means I can be at peace with you
Whatever forbids us will finally be overcome
And our love will remain and never undo.

What’s me without you?
An empty shell of nothing
Sad and broken
Pieces of what could’ve been.

You left me high and dry
Going without a second glance
Taking with you my heart and life
Everything that could’ve and should’ve been a second chance.

Look at what I’ve become
Nothing can hurt me now, not even my knife
My soul is frozen, an icy stone that longs to see you
So please, take my heart and take my life.









Love Is Pure, Yet Why Is My Heart Tainted?


Angels are fluttering about
Encircling my head and blinding me with their light
The seraphic joy that is bubbling inside threatens to overflow
So why is it that my heart is still hardened and the angels not taking flight?

Your smile moves my heart
Taking my breath away and replacing it with passion
Causing shudders of felicity to ripple throughout my body
Yet how can I act without compassion?

Love is pure, yet my heart is tainted
A mass of envy, rage, hate, and sorrow
Darkened with the abandonment of past loves
So why is it that you can still adore me so?

Happiness is what I yearn for
Yet it always seems to be out of reach
Like water trickling through my fingertips
Something that is always on the edge but clings to me like a leech.

Blackness encases my being
An everlasting contrast to your beatific presence
You pour out love while I consume
A machine that is soulless and omnipresent.

You care for me, watch over me, and stand by me all the way
Like a being who was sainted
Never judging, misleading, or unaccepting
Your love is pure, yet why then is my heart tainted?







Okey dokeyz! Can I have some suggestions or criticisms to make this a better poem? I'm a bit of an amateur. sweatdrop

[RedWhite-Delight]

Bump.... xd

[RedWhite-Delight]

Bumpity bump bump BUMP!!! mrgreen

[RedWhite-Delight]

*sigh* anyone here? bump bump bump!!! ninja

[RedWhite-Delight]

domokun domokun domokun stare

[T a m p o p o_H o s h i]

1. Wrong forum
2. Don't bump so much.

[Nox Vulpes]

hikarimars

1. Wrong forum
2. Don't bump so much.

What she said. Read the stickies before posting next time.

Quote:

# Bumping is Naughty!
The Writer's Forum a slow corner of Gaia; topics will often stay on the front page for many hours. There is no need to bump a topic if it's still on the first page. Note that a bump is any post, regardless of content, which serves the major purpose of bringing your thread up to the top of the forum. If people haven't replied, they either don't find your topic interesting or they haven't gotten around to it yet. Or maybe they've even reported it to be moved. Whatever the reason is, you can't make people become interested in what you have to say, and excessive bumping just turns people off.

[Toppyknot]

“Angelic fragrances” sounds awkward. ANGELIC doesn’t express the scent at all—what does "angelic" SMELL like, anyway? Good? Like baby powder? Anywho, it’s really awkward in that context and does nothing to describe anything.

“They represent our love for each other”—do you really have to come forward and say that all at once? Can’t you express that through POETRY? Isn’t that sort of a defining point between poetry and textbook prose?
The lines were really lengthy. While that isn’t always a bad thing, it just made this seem like really fragmenty prose. It had no rhythm.

This also lacked sensory detailing. I was really unable to see or feel anything. It was flat.

You keep using the WRONG adjectives. Adjectives are made to modify things, and you just fling them around all willy-nilly and stick them in places where they’re really useless, a la “angelic scent”, “seraphic love”, etc.