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Angelic Muse

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Post: 2620833_1 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:50:52 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:50:52 +0000

Poetic Advice Thread

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-Paul Valrey, poet

Hello! Muse here!

I have been away for quite a long time. This thread was created roughly 10 years ago, with the intention of helping poets in need of constructive criticism.

Since I have meandered back into Gaia, I thought I might see if this is still useful to anyone roaming these forums.

Please read the following before posting poetry here:

Rules
1. Please respect one another. No flames.
2. Accept constructive criticism politely, even if you don't agree with it.
3. Have fun! Chat a little! 3nodding

Common Poetry Words

A writer that posted on this thread gave me a list of words that should not be used in poetry as much considering they are used way too often. I ask anyone who has any other words that are "cliche" to post it here and I will add it.

NOTE: This does not mean that the words cannot EVER be used. (Thank you to Apropos Krause for the input. 3nodding )

Rashiga

Crimson
Abyss
Razor blades
Cut
love(it is alright, but try to show it instead of plain out saying it)
rage
Pools of blue
Eyes
Hair
Ruby Lips
thin red line
heart
sweet
rose
sillouhetted(sp)
jade
diamonds
smile

Angelic Muse

tender
grace
depression
rejection
dead
night
blood
drugs
decay
cried
suicide

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

pain
____ hates me

KuraiShinseiNaHojyo

nice

Fascist Admiral Ruiner

Cold
Darkness
Shadows (but not shade)
Death/Dead/Die
Rage
Vampire
soul

Angelina Lector

spirit
feel
lie
betray
why
anguish
demon
angel
hell
heaven
pain
fair
unfair

NEW Eares Deathlord

Embrace
Resentment
Depressed
Fear
Tears of blood
Blind
Lonely

Some Obvious Rhyme Pairs

Angelina Lector

heart/apart
love/above
pain/again (<----NOT A RHYME)
care/unfair
you/true
me/see
pain/rain
cry/die
die/lie
blame/shame

~~~

NOTE: Opinions of cliche words and rhymes do not necessarily reflect my views or the views of others that post in this thread.

Willholden

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Post: 2620833_2 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:56:50 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:56:50 +0000

you are so smart!!! heart heart heart

maybe ill be motivated to write something from hanging out around here ^^

TheWaiFencer

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Post: 2620833_3 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:58:33 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 15:58:33 +0000

Kyaa!! How clever! whee ^-^

Angelic Muse

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Post: 2620833_4 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:04:56 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:04:56 +0000

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

you are so smart!!! heart heart heart

maybe ill be motivated to write something from hanging out around here ^^

Yay? sweatdrop heart

Willholden

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Post: 2620833_5 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:08:22 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:08:22 +0000

Angelic Muse

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

you are so smart!!! heart heart heart

maybe ill be motivated to write something from hanging out around here ^^

Yay? sweatdrop heart

:'( i know when im not wanted... maybe ill just go write a 5 page angst poem about killing myself in the slowest way possible...

or go to sleep and dream about rainbows and cute little puppies... *shudders*

i think i like the death poem better...

Angelic Muse

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Post: 2620833_6 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:11:21 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:11:21 +0000

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

Angelic Muse

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

you are so smart!!! heart heart heart

maybe ill be motivated to write something from hanging out around here ^^

Yay? sweatdrop heart

xd

No no no....you're wanted. heart heart <~~~luff for you.

Willholden

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Post: 2620833_7 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:27:51 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:27:51 +0000

Angelic Muse

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

Angelic Muse

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

you are so smart!!! heart heart heart

maybe ill be motivated to write something from hanging out around here ^^

Yay? sweatdrop heart

xd

No no no....you're wanted. heart heart <~~~luff for you.

*takes luff and puts in a bottle..*

im gonna try to write a poem within the next few days but i cant post it on here.. would it be ok if i pmed you it when i finished it muse?

Angelic Muse

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Post: 2620833_8 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:39:33 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 16:39:33 +0000

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

Angelic Muse

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

Angelic Muse

SaihOfThePickleDynasty

you are so smart!!! heart heart heart

maybe ill be motivated to write something from hanging out around here ^^

Yay? sweatdrop heart

xd

No no no....you're wanted. heart heart <~~~luff for you.

*takes luff and puts in a bottle..*

im gonna try to write a poem within the next few days but i cant post it on here.. would it be ok if i pmed you it when i finished it muse?

Um...sure, why can't ya put it on here?

And just so this thread can remain here, I shall put up a poem of mine that needs help.

My Reality

Endless kisses
spiced with tickling caresses.
Silent the lips
that lock together;
departure the only key.
Speak not; let us dance
under beautiful starlit nights.
Graceful hands slide
over plentiful curves as
night-time shadows play across
our blissful faces.
Eyes so bright with jubilant love
reflected in my own crystals.
No falsehood can be detected
in truthful eyes of my knight.
Nere there be a word between us
that lifts our romantic mood
and departs our lips forever.
More months to come
with years soon to follow.
This I shall always await
of the dream that is my reality

((Disclamier: Mine, don't touch.))

Icky icky icky ending. HELP. gonk

Teremaeus

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Post: 2620833_9 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 23:19:30 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 23:19:30 +0000

Divide the stanzas. Otherwise, it wasn't bad... I thought the ending was good.

504703

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Post: 2620833_10 created on Tue, 15 Jun 2004 23:25:45 +0000
Posted: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 23:25:45 +0000

Quote:

in truthful eyes of my knight

Quote:

romantic mood

Quote:

beautiful starlit nights

Quote:

jubilant love

Quote:

our blissful faces.

Okay, I think I've quoted most of the weakest lines of the poem, the reason they're weak being that they rely on abstract concepts/weak, generalised adjectives rather then solid images. Hope it helps! I'll try and comment more later....tired...now..

Angelic Muse

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Post: 2620833_11 created on Thu, 17 Jun 2004 21:33:18 +0000
Posted: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 21:33:18 +0000

::MEGA BUMP FROM THE 6TH PAGE:: crying

Angelic Muse

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Post: 2620833_12 created on Fri, 18 Jun 2004 15:34:22 +0000
Posted: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 15:34:22 +0000

::Bump::

Ryuco

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Post: 2620833_13 created on Fri, 18 Jun 2004 16:22:32 +0000
Posted: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 16:22:32 +0000

hey all here is my newest poem

I cry my self to sleep at night
convinceing me that it's not right
that in new light I awakein again
only to see others end

and I try to be ordanary
strive to be stationary
fitting in a perfect mold
doing every thing I'm told

I wish that I could wash away
and never see another day
WHy must I stand and not sit
why must it never ouit
-Ryuco