Machine Poem

[Holy Bonanza]

I was wondering if I could get some feedback.
Thanks in advance!

I once built a machine that could fly
because I knew the weight of each of is pieces.
I didn’t want it to be too heavy.
As I was working I would remind myself
Engine Vale – four pounds
Engine Cradle – thirty pounds
there’s a beat in my ear
Piston Pin – three pounds
Piston Ring – five pounds
The valves open and close as I rehearse, in time
Poppet Valve – two pounds
PCV Valve – one pound
the machine begins to dance
Rocker Arm – six pounds
Rocker cover – eight pounds
the fan hums in time
Fan Belt – two pounds
Cooling Fan – two pounds
a heart putters
Starter Motor – ten pounds

[TheDucksKeepMarchingOn]

owo

I really liked this! I want to say this flowed well, but it really didn't and that's the beauty of it. It has sort of a 'start, stop' quality to it that made it really rhythmic to the inner ear.


I'm not one much for giving advice so I'll just ask you the only question I'm left with.

Quote:

I once built a machine that could fly
because I knew the weight of each of is pieces.

Did you mean that it's ability to fly was based on your knowledge of it? As in, if it still weighed the same, but you didn't know what that weight was, it wouldn't be able to fly? If that isn't what you meant, what did you mean?