Losing everything

[sweet_tarts106]

One day I lost "the one"


Losing everything is a feeling of emptiness, like some one killed your heart and made you watch.
The feeling never leaves it haunts you forever, it makes fun of your feelings, it makes you suffer.
The feeling comes when you lose the one person who would run miles for you, make you laugh when you cry, who stays up all night just to talk about their dog. It's losing the feeling you get when he's around, it makes you feel like you can't die

but you feel the pain

It runs circles around you, it punches you in the face and scoffs. It makes you barely crazy, it makes you want to just think about the old days.

Doesn't it make you want to change everything, regret the things you said, regret the things you did, regret the things you didn't do. But you know the right thing Isn't easy, It's the hardest thing you ever had to do.

Stop loving

[I_Write_Ivre]

It needs capitals and words to be fully spelled out.

Also, if you loved a male and not gay, are you female?

[sweet_tarts106]

yes

[I_Write_Ivre]

sweet_tarts106

yes

Yes, it needs capitals and for words to be spelled out; or yes, you're a female?

[sweet_tarts106]

both

[Sanjifanforever]

'I' needs to be capitalized. Maybe use more imagery or adjectives so it adds a personal feel to it because right now it is very basic.

[Klaark]

Very un-poetic. It's just a series of statements and half-cliches evoking nothing.

[Prince Trase]

I can tell the narrator is feeling hurt and empty. But the way this poem is constructed is rather . . . dull. The narrator was telling us things, but wasn't really showing it. What was the narrator left wondering about? What did she love about him?

[Prolly Naut]

Hi. I just wanted to let you know that things such as grammar and structure do have an effect on how powerful a poem is in most cases. With that in mind, please take time to add caps where they are needed and use commas where they are appropriate,

For improvement, I recommend reading other poems and reading about the "structure"of poems. It would be nice to see some figurative language somewhere, (Extended metaphor, word play, etc)

Good luck with improving. Remember, SHOW don't TELL.

:0

[Silver Bleeding Moon]

i can understand feeling so said after u found some like that out, bt i wouldnt stop loving him, i'd just lie to myself so well that i'll start believing it