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praise me you little bugs

ok! 0.8125 81.2% [ 13 ]
no thx 0.1875 18.8% [ 3 ]
Total Votes:[ 16 ]
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passy indoors


this has a lot of lovely moments, but this kind of meanders around all over the place, and there needs to be something that unifies it and makes this a working poem. this is a really great starting point though, and it's really pretty.


thank you for the critique heart it's had a lot of growing and it still needs some work as you pointed out. have always been iffy on the ending but wasn't sure how to finish it off so thanks for telling me it didn't really work
i'm not sure about the rhyming, it kind of found it's way in there and it's a bit jarring. i'll definitely see what i can do to fix it up.
straight from my tongue to text, no eye-overs, sorry.


soon, sun

you are my one
true&only flame, burst
a part of bonfires we build in
the cosmos's name.
now we're sailing full mast
alone on the lost coast
without the day to steer - you fear the rolling:
waters of the vast healing sea,
and i know truly that you don't
forget that motion is me.
breathe in my cult-salt &
let me cure the spells
you misspoke
(folk-songs reverberating:
revering never dying).

surrender, my ether. burn me up!
or aren't you able -
to climb down across
witches you've staked
your claim on?

i've journeyed to neither-worlds
clambered, threw god under
snake-sticks and amber
resin. please let this be a lesson:

if you attempt to tamp me down
i'll set a tsunami upon this town

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