passy indoors
this has a lot of lovely moments, but this kind of meanders around all over the place, and there needs to be something that unifies it and makes this a working poem. this is a really great starting point though, and it's really pretty.
thank you for the critique
heart it's had a lot of growing and it still needs some work as you pointed out. have always been iffy on the ending but wasn't sure how to finish it off so thanks for telling me it didn't really work
i'm not sure about the rhyming, it kind of found it's way in there and it's a bit jarring. i'll definitely see what i can do to fix it up.