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[Godaimee Mizukage]

,And see what I need to add and remove.
Its a little short but I'm still thinking what needs
Too be added

Yo, In life you never really get a second chance.
Your always thinking about the past, living in the past,
saying you'll rewrite the past.
But if I had the chance I would rewrite the past,
Fixing the mistakes I made.
Back then you would always put a smile on my face,
Your smile filled my heart. But now your only thinking of youself.

now your running away from the past
Locking away the old forgetten past.
Now I'm sitting on the
Couch drinking alchol, trying the remember the memories I had of you. You left me like it was nothing,
and now you get treated like sh!t
by all your freinds cause
you can't control your life anymore,

the guy your with hates you So he leaves ,
cause he doesn't want to be with you,
so you lock yourself from reality,
but after a while you realize
that the lie you told yourself
wasn't true you came back to me.
But I die and you regret ever
leaving me now your at my funeral
your sitting there crying, praying for my forgiveness,
I said these last words
" I love you, now it time for me
to go my family is waiting."

[Baltz Delirium]

Well in honest criticism way, R Kelly would be proud of your rhyming method.
I heard it in my head sounding like Linkin Park.

The repeating words kind of wear on me a bit personally. I'd try to find some way to fix that.(Aka the R Kelly rhyming technique of rhyming the word to itself a few times over.)

Also, I would also try to paint the image a little more vague, and more fullness...
Yo is an awkward starter. o-o;


Uhm there's an immortal technique song it kind of gives me the feel of...

Kind of fuel for thought this is the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pqiqrnZE44

[Toshiro]

you use the word "past" way to many times past its limit. You need to get past that, and leave it in the past.......past.....past.....past....