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I wrote your name in the sand just to watch it wash away
Wishing it was that easy
To throw memories into the ocean
To be erased
To be renewed
I let the sea foam caress my calves
Your words still in my head
“I just shouldn’t have started anything in the first place”
Mistakes can’t be unwritten.


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The solidity of your thought evades me
I knew you once when you were whole
70 proof armor surrounds you promising to encase your frailty
I remember when you stood tall
Words that flitted in psychological springtime
Insect-like dancing across minds
Injecting parasitic thought that grew in our heads
That grew in our hearts
That spoke your name in hushed tones of worship
I remember when your hands were steady
The times when you held me up in my doubt
Now I expose your desperation
It is my words that anger and entice
But they fall short
Impression is momentary while you salve us with forever


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There are stars in my head when I close my eyes
They twinkle and flit like lightening bugs
But they go away if I stare to long
Melding into faces of the men I loved.

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Men

The kiss grows cold and disappointment sets in
Wishing things were a little more than crude jokes
Fueled by drunkenness
I sometimes think I can fly
If only for a moment
The world rushes around
A dizzying state
Of whats whos and maybes flitting foolishly about
I feel like a million dollars
I feel like s**t
The wet lips touch my cheek
Drunk
Asking, begging for compassion
Is it wrong to long for what you refuse others?
My brain fills with the people chattering
Telling me that I’m not crazy
But representing the fact I could be
Who turns down the man professing love
Devotion
Attraction
Adoration
Loyalty
The music plays on as he stands awkwardly in the doorway
Headphones in hand about to embark on a drunken journey
Home
Where the heart is…
The eyes plead
mouth apologizes
Says” I was just looking for…”
The desperation lingers holding the connection
The moment
The maybe
“I know” the voice is foreign from drunken lips,
I wonder what would happen if I let go
Inhibitions threaten to crack, to crash
The floor eagerly waits, only to be denied.
Then comes the smile,
The giggle
The sultry move and inviting stance
As I push him out the door.
Lying never was so easy
But I’d rather be alone than be the whore again.

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Apparently not...
I feel these needed a touch more air time. More so, I need to suss things out with them by giving them such. Oh, it is so hard to cut my losses. I'm just soo damned attached.

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