Welcome to Gaia! :: Critique Squared -- (x^(1/2) style)

Log In

Forgot your login?

Sign Up

Register
 
GST
 Post Reply
Gaia Forums » Artist's Corner » Writers » Original Poetry/Lyrics
Critique Squared -- (x^(1/2) style)
Tags: critique  squared  style 
Export this topic to other sites using WildFire!
forum:34, topic:41455359
< 1 2 3 4 5
Report this post
Post: 41455359_61 created on Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:01 amPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:01 am
I'm going to take a breather on that poem of mine, sqrtttt. Progress was made and papers are now less cluttered. Thanks again for the assist. smile
 
     
"What you see here is the death of freedom. One sheet of Zombie Paper has incapacitated an entire population of urban living dead. The zombies have no defense, no chance, no hope."

~Nintendo Power
Report this post
Post: 41455359_62 created on Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:14 amPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:14 am
 
Enjoy your vacation.
     
How do you solve a problem like Janyssa?
You give her lots and lots of candy.
Not conceited, just convinced.
A n..T i r
Report this post
Post: 41455359_63 created on Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:40 amPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:40 am
"sqrtttt"
No problem-o.

The ending should have more bang. This ending is rather on the lame side, actually, partially because I don't like the line "resurrect me" in general, and I'm not a huge fan on how "resurrect" was broken up (in my opinion it almost amplifies the choppiness in the rest of it).

The right-before end line doesn't do it for me either. It's a little melodramatic.

As for the lines being too short, I don't know if it's them being short or them just being broken in places that make them read brokenly. However, this largely seems fixable by changing where you've broken your lines.

All right, I'll get on fixin' that ASAP.

hmmm.
 
     
< 1 2 3 4 5
 Post Reply
Gaia Forums » Artist's Corner » Writers » Original Poetry/Lyrics
 Subscribe to Topic  Report this Topic