Collective. Encouragé la critique

[AlambiqueCiel]

Akashya inoue

skyebluue14

Akashya inoue

What sounds good and what is good differ.

well i've only written fairly short poems before and was trying to make them longer so it may not be very good to you but i thought it was fine.

Fair enough. Opinion only matters to some degree. I'll let you piece together why this piece is tripe and poorly written once you learn the basic fundamentals and technicalities that go into writing.


Love for one is overused and so the language is very hard to convey effectively, especially if you want the reader to feel your emotions, but that isn't even real. Sure it is to you, but that's because you've only made it accessible to yourself. This piece lacks the power of showing me what you want me to see and what you want me to feel, because there's no real emotion first of all, and lacks the power of imagery and sensory language/detail that is needed for any literary work to be effective. I suggest you read on literary and poetic devices so as to strengthen your work over time.

well I wasn't going for the whole gushy love poem stuff, and yes I know I could gain more in my writing that's what I'm working on.

[AlambiqueCiel]

comment

[AlambiqueCiel]

ba-buump.

[AlambiqueCiel]

needs commmeenttss!!

[erocpop]

If you ask for critiques, don't push away the people who are willing to give them to you.
The point of a critique is to better yourself and learn, so if you're really going to make excuses and be so defensive and closed about any negative thing that is said about your piece then maybe you shouldn't ask for a critique in the first place.

[AlambiqueCiel]

What a c r e e p e r

If you ask for critiques, don't push away the people who are willing to give them to you.
The point of a critique is to better yourself and learn, so if you're really going to make excuses and be so defensive and closed about any negative thing that is said about your piece then maybe you shouldn't ask for a critique in the first place.

no-one gave me a critique,they said they wouldn't because it didn't take me very long to write that.

But I am open for critiques,just waiting for some.

[erocpop]

They gave you enough input to tell you that you need to reread it and reanalyze what you want to say. I can guarantee that everyone who comes in to give you constructive criticism is going to say the same thing. So why don't you go back over it while you wait? It couldn't hurt, could it?

[AlambiqueCiel]

What a c r e e p e r

They gave you enough input to tell you that you need to reread it and reanalyze what you want to say. I can guarantee that everyone who comes in to give you constructive criticism is going to say the same thing. So why don't you go back over it while you wait? It couldn't hurt, could it?

What should i go over? I've added more to it so that you know it's not about love,because someone already told me that's what they thought it was about.

[x_XJessica_ShayX_x]

i loves it!

^_^

I use to write.

But then mii writings made me depressed so i stopped after trying to writ undepressing thing an faild ({[ EPIC FAIL ]})

[AlambiqueCiel]

x_XJessica_ShayX_x

i loves it!

^_^

I use to write.

But then mii writings made me depressed so i stopped after trying to writ undepressing thing an faild ({[ EPIC FAIL ]})

thanks(: haha ok

but do you see anything that needs to be worked on?

[AlambiqueCiel]

buuuump!

[erocpop]

Please don't bump your work unless it is on the second page.

[pengu82]

I lurve it <33333
o 3o
Crit meh back?