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Table of Contents
Page five:
"Desire flames..."
"Resistance"
"Lust"
"Mother Earth"

Page six:
"Demented dreams..."
"Breezing By"


Page seven:
"WHY?!"
"Dead Love"
"Paramour"
"Save me, damnit!"
"Sizzle sizzle pop"
"Brain block"


Page eight:
"Desert heat"



Page thirteen:
"Idiom Challenge Poem"



Page fifteen:
"You're such a doll."


Page nineteen:
"Happy Holidays."


Page twenty-two:
"It's 12:30am and that fan is looking awfully insightful"


Twenty-four:
"I'm a piece of art."

Twenty-five:
"Hasn't anyone told you to smile with your eyes?"


Twenty-eight:
"Ville de lumière"


Twenty-nine:
"She's such a beauty queen."

Thirty-three:
"Love is whatever."

Thirty-four:
"Untitled for now"

Thirty-seven:
"50 bucks, two hours"
"Teach me"

Thirty-eight:
"I can't seem to remember your name"
"******** you."

Forty-one:
"Your closed mind can't hold me in anymore."
"Forget-me-not."









NC
The frigid breeze blows
The hair off my neck,
Making my bones shiver.
My eyes wander,scanning
The blackness for your outline.
I feel your presence,but
Yet I can't comprehend where you are.
The "clap,clap"of footsteps reverberate through the street,
making it difficult to know which direction they emanate from.

I can feel your massive body;tall as the Willis Tower
Looming over me.
Radiating
heat
mixing with the frozen wind,
making my skin prickle,
as if I dove into ice-chilled waters.
I sense you smiling.
That malicious grin of yours.


The air around me shifts and
I realize your arms are lifting,
pressing against my shoulders like
one ton weights.
Your masculine hands grip my throat,
putting more and more pressure.
My mouth opens frantically,
searching for air to
greet my lungs.


Your breath scolding my ear when you whisper
"I've got you now."


"Warrior"
Obsidian eyes
Glistening with peserevence.
Glossy ebony hair peeks through
His helmet,like a turtle popping out of his shell.
His armour contoured to his figure.
Showing off chiseled muscles.


His posture was potent.
Giving him an air of strength.
His visage twisted into an expression of
Concentration.


He watches the scene in front of him unfold;
Like images from a book forming in his mind.
The clanging of swords hitting swords swarms in the air like bees.
He withdraws his saber readying himself for battle,
Like the valor he is.


"Love Song."
Our breathing syncopating.
Creating both harmony and melody.
The lyrics consist of moans and bodies thumping.
The instruments are delicate.
They involve the highest of intimacy.
As both instruments make contact,
Embedding yours in mine.
The lyrics,harmony, and melody become louder,
More fluid.
As we make our own love song.

No title yet.
Her eyes shine like
diamonds.
Exuding exburerance,
For all to see.

Her supple hair the color of embers.
Flowing through the wind,
giving the illusion of flames.

Her skin as delicate as rose petals,
as white as lilies.
Her frame curvaceous,yet
tall as an elm.
Your spacing around the punctuation is a bit weird but otherwise I like it! 4laugh

Auri whee
Auriannia
Your spacing around the punctuation is a bit weird but otherwise I like it! 4laugh

Auri whee



oh i don't notice,thanks(:
skyebluue14
Sending chills down my spine.

this is a cliche; try to be more original like "sending chilly ants down my vertebrae" is a little more creative than just sending chills down my spine.
meximule
skyebluue14
Sending chills down my spine.

this is a cliche; try to be more original like "sending chilly ants down my vertebrae" is a little more creative than just sending chills down my spine.


ok,i'll try that. i wrote it in like 5 min soo.
How about taking more time to craft it to the best of your ability, then ask for a critique when you're stuck?

Right now it is pointless to give you a critique let alone tell you what we think.

"I like this." and "I hate this" are about as useful as ratings.
I'll give you a critique once you have revised, and put forth honest work, other than 5 minutes of your life into this piece.
The naked poet
How about taking more time to craft it to the best of your ability, then ask for a critique when you're stuck?

Right now it is pointless to give you a critique let alone tell you what we think.

"I like this." and "I hate this" are about as useful as ratings.
I'll give you a critique once you have revised, and put forth honest work, other than 5 minutes of your life into this piece.


umm i was bored,and sorry that it doesn't take me very long to write decent work. i can put honest effort into a piece that takes me 5 minutes or 5 days.
skyebluue14
The naked poet
How about taking more time to craft it to the best of your ability, then ask for a critique when you're stuck?

Right now it is pointless to give you a critique let alone tell you what we think.

"I like this." and "I hate this" are about as useful as ratings.
I'll give you a critique once you have revised, and put forth honest work, other than 5 minutes of your life into this piece.


umm i was bored,and sorry that it doesn't take me very long to write decent work. i can put honest effort into a piece that takes me 5 minutes or 5 days.



I won't argue. Someone commented on your piece earlier, and your defense was that you wrote this in five minutes which leads me to believe no effort was put into this.

Have fun being defensive though. Read the stickies for help.
Akashya inoue
skyebluue14
The naked poet
How about taking more time to craft it to the best of your ability, then ask for a critique when you're stuck?

Right now it is pointless to give you a critique let alone tell you what we think.

"I like this." and "I hate this" are about as useful as ratings.
I'll give you a critique once you have revised, and put forth honest work, other than 5 minutes of your life into this piece.


umm i was bored,and sorry that it doesn't take me very long to write decent work. i can put honest effort into a piece that takes me 5 minutes or 5 days.



I won't argue. Someone commented on your piece earlier, and your defense was that you wrote this in five minutes which leads me to believe no effort was put into this.

Have fun being defensive though. Read the stickies for help.



i'm not being defensive and i wasn't earlier when i told the other person it took me 5 minutes,i was just saying that i wrote down what flowed through my mind first and sounded good together.
What sounds good and what is good differ.
Akashya inoue
What sounds good and what is good differ.


well i've only written fairly short poems before and was trying to make them longer so it may not be very good to you but i thought it was fine.
skyebluue14
Akashya inoue
What sounds good and what is good differ.


well i've only written fairly short poems before and was trying to make them longer so it may not be very good to you but i thought it was fine.



Fair enough. Opinion only matters to some degree. I'll let you piece together why this piece is tripe and poorly written once you learn the basic fundamentals and technicalities that go into writing.


Love for one is overused and so the language is very hard to convey effectively, especially if you want the reader to feel your emotions, but that isn't even real. Sure it is to you, but that's because you've only made it accessible to yourself. This piece lacks the power of showing me what you want me to see and what you want me to feel, because there's no real emotion first of all, and lacks the power of imagery and sensory language/detail that is needed for any literary work to be effective. I suggest you read on literary and poetic devices so as to strengthen your work over time.

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