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Helldevil13's avatar

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You're the skin
To my skeleton
The strength
And will
And power within

Without you there
I will have a tear
No shield
Or armor
Or weapon to bare

I can stand tall
Not cower or ball
No running
No hiding
No need to fall

You make things clear
Have me nothing to fear
Confusion gone
Conscience whole
Everything is pure


Critiques are highly recommended. smile
Alkalune's avatar

Kawaii Hoarder

Helldevil13
You're the skin
To my skeleton
The strength
And will
Andto my(?) power within

Without you there
I will have a tear
No shield
Or armor
Or weapon to bare

I can stand tall
Not cower or ball
No running
No hiding
No need to fall

You make things clear
{ Have me nothing to fear } ?
Confusion gone
Conscience whole
Everything is pure


Critiques are highly recommended. smile

First half has strong image of skin, skeleton, and armor. Second half is overused words and no strong images. Third stanza sounds like the speaker doesn't need the skin/armor, but the fourth returns to needing them again.
Helldevil13's avatar

5,550 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • V-Day 2011 Event 100
  • Hygienic 200
Alkalune
Helldevil13
You're the skin
To my skeleton
The strength
And will
Andto my(?) power within

Without you there
I will have a tear
No shield
Or armor
Or weapon to bare

I can stand tall
Not cower or ball
No running
No hiding
No need to fall

You make things clear
{ Have me nothing to fear } ?
Confusion gone
Conscience whole
Everything is pure


Critiques are highly recommended. smile

First half has strong image of skin, skeleton, and armor. Second half is overused words and no strong images. Third stanza sounds like the speaker doesn't need the skin/armor, but the fourth returns to needing them again.


Okay, thank you very much. Now I know what I can work on! ^_^

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