a poem C+C, also need a name!

[gastronomic cannibalism]

It's not that it's bad... it's just it's kind of boring. The way you dealt with it. I understand if it's therapy, and if it helped you, that's fantastic, but that doesn't actually make the content good, you know?

The language you used was simple and simplicity isn't always the best. Your topic was clichè, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that... but there's only nothing wrong with it if you make the content original. This was the same as a lot of other things. Maybe if you avoided rhyme and crafted something out of the last line there could be something there.

[starcrossed17]

ne help on crafting the last line baggage? im not very good with poetic devices.

[gastronomic cannibalism]

Oops.

I was trying to get across that maybe you could make something else out of the last line.

You need more description that applies to the senses. Describe that "corruption of the pitiful dream".

[starcrossed17]

u mean add a stanza about the corrupted dream?

[gastronomic cannibalism]

Kinda. I was thinking maybe pack the rest of it away in a cozy little corner, and build on something with the same ideas off of the last line.

edit: Plus maybe reword it into something else.

If you don't like my ideas, that's completely understandable, so just ignore all this.

[starcrossed17]

i just want to finally write a poem that u like...lol

[gastronomic cannibalism]

I know how that is, but it doesn't matter if I like it; it's if you like it.