2 Poems I wrote for my college's art publication...

[StoneScrollDaggers]

D= It was a short deadline and I'm still a little new to poetry. I'm curious about feedback, please let me know what you think!

"Evil Influence"
By Samantha M.

Child of mine know that I love the,
and that good or bad you'll always have me.
But I will not always be here for health is fleeting,
so while I still have a heart that's red and beating,
listen up well and never forget my daughter,
that morning, noon or night evil does not falter.

There's the darkness that fills our hearts,
and other people is where it all starts.
They may lie, cheat, or steal just to get ahead,
some no concern who might end up dead.
It's a terrible thing yes, and you will be hurt,
But still keep your mind open, just remain alert.

But what of those demons that hide in our skins?
Them taking over means nobody wins.
They feed on your stress, your rage and your sadness,
driving you vicious, bitter and clawing with madness.
Just bury them down by remembering each day,
love and hope are such pleasant things to say.

So if you find the devil whispering in your ear,
just pay no attention, for he's wicked my dear.
He likes it most of it all when you're greedy and mad,
with burning blood and thoughts so bad,
because it is then you are so easy to trick.
For him to claim your soul would be utterly tragic.



ALONE?
By: Samantha M.

I’ve always been alone
Even with contacts on my phone.
To no one I could speak my thoughts
And if I did it was for not.
People I thought were there for me
were not everything I’d thought they’d be.
But from not a lack of trying,
Of my friends I would be lying;
For though many tried their bests
Minds and hearts were locked in chests.
While I wore mine on my sleeve
How far both fell you wouldn’t believe.
Ripped, torn, and shattered in two
Stitched, tied, and pieced with glue
I picked the pieces one by one
Sore from truths that were undone.
But I realize now I’m not twisted and crazy
Well perhaps a bit of both, a little, maybe.
I’m not as alone as I thought I was
There are others alike, but mostly because
I am just different, unique, and most important of all:
Nobody else, but me ya’ll.

[StoneScrollDaggers]

Bump

[The Despair Factor]

Evil Influence: It's an interesting topic, one that I specialize in, and, it just needs some work. Your syntax and grammar is odd. The thing with poetry is there are no set rules, only techniques. You don't have to rhyme every ending word, or use a comma at the end of every line. You use words that are engaging enough, very flat and undeveloped.

Alone?: Yeah, this was just unappealing to me. You string together words and phrases to make them rhyme. You force it, it doesn't sound like it came out naturally. In turn, it makes it weird to read. Just do this entire poem over.

[StoneScrollDaggers]

I know poems don't need to rhyme, but its what I like to do at times.
I should have clarified that the first poem was dedicated to my young daughter so its not meant to be to graphic or melancholy.

I'm still working on developing my technique but I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

[The Despair Factor]

Just keep at it. You'll find your style and voice.

[Robo_iBenny]

StoneScrollDaggers

D= It was a short deadline and I'm still a little new to poetry. I'm curious about feedback, please let me know what you think!

"Evil Influence"
By Samantha M.

Child of mine know that I love thee,
and that good or bad you'll always have me.
But I will not always be here for health is fleeting,
so while I still have a heart that's red and beating,
listen up well and never forget, my daughter,
that morning, noon, or night; evil does not falter.

There's the darkness that fills our hearts,
and other people is where it all starts.
They may lie, cheat, or steal just to get ahead,
some, with no concern who might end up dead.
It's a terrible thing yes, and you will be hurt,
But still keep your mind open, just remain alert.

But what of those demons that hide in our skins?
Them taking over means nobody wins.
They feed on your stress, your rage and your sadness,
driving you vicious, bitter, and clawing with madness.
Just bury them down by remembering each day,
love and hope are such pleasant things to say.

So if you find the devil whispering in your ear,
just pay no attention, for he's wicked, my dear.
He likes it, most of it all, when you're greedy and mad,
with burning blood and thoughts so bad,
because it is then, you are so easy to trick.
For him to claim your soul would be utterly tragic.



ALONE?
By: Samantha M.

I’ve always been alone
Even with contacts on my phone.
To no one I could speak my thoughts
And if I did it was for not.
People I thought were there for me
were not everything I’d thought they’d be.
But from not a lack of trying,
Of my friends I would be lying;
For though many tried their bests
Minds and hearts were locked in chests.
While I wore mine on my sleeve
How far both fell you wouldn’t believe.
Ripped, torn, and shattered in two
Stitched, tied, and pieced with glue
I picked the pieces one by one
Sore from truths that were undone.
But I realize now I’m not twisted and crazy
Well perhaps a bit of both, a little, maybe.
I’m not as alone as I thought I was
There are others alike, but mostly because
I am just different, unique, and most important of all:
Nobody else, but me ya’ll.

The first one, I really liked. A few grammatical errors, but otherwise, good.

The second one, I liked too, sorta. I have missed emotions with it, I think.
>_<
But better than others that I've seen in here. Keep it up. <3