Memoirs of Assbadistan (open to attack)

Capitalists Are Greedy ?

True	58.0%	[ 47 ]
False	42.0%	[ 34 ]
Total Votes:			[ 81 ]

[Michael Noire]

Welcome To Assbadistan
الرّجل نائم, و عندما يموت يستيقظ

We, the people of Assbadistan, have set out to restore peace and order through the old ways. Your new ways have offended Allah, who is most beneficient and merciful. Know then اللّه هو معظم البينيفيسيينت
The Holy Sufi Tradition having vanquished the infidels of the middle kingdom, have called upon all of us to return to our humble, and holy ways. Realize the meaning of الشّعارات, find Love in Allah, as the الشّهيدالنّبيّ Al Hallaj tells us:
أنا الحقيقة
أنا الضّوء
أنا الطّريقة

Come, Come to Assbadistan, and look to exclaim with the kiss of Truth upon your lips, "حرّر شخصي, آه نبيّ مقدّس". We are the كوث, come to Assbadistan, learn the way of the المحارب, bless the infedel with your sword, fight in the great الجهاد!

Rules: 1. If you are attacking this guild, you are declaring war on a Sovereign State. Be aware of that. 2. If you are in this guild, be aware of your location at all times. The time period is near or post WWIII. The Technology resembles 21st Century Desert Warfare mixed sparsely with R&D. 3. Magic is ceremonial, if you use magic here, it will be done right or not at all. Those who abuse magic will deal with the "Monsters of Death" spoken of in the Al Azif - you don't want that. 4. Use Common Sense 5. Stupidity Must Die. 6. I reserve the right to final word 7. Concerning ruling #6: I rule in the favor of what makes more sense, not who I like more. Be warned, sychophants will not live long.

[Michael Noire]

Map of Assbadistan

Story: Centuries ago, a Nomadic Pack of Desert Bedouins straddled magnificent Arabians across the known world, from the Shores of Eastern Sahara to the Gates of Islamabad. They were the Kurdish Tribes. Some followed the Cult of Angels or, ways of Yezidism, others moved deeply into the mystic ways of the Dervish, studying the Gnostic connections of ancient Kabbalah and Hinduism, becoming Sufi.
These disparate and desperate tribes were finally united under the Vision of one man, a man who had answered the riddle of Alexander and Kalanos. As Alexander asked, "How may a man become a god?" to which Kalanos replied, "By doing that which it is impossible for a man to do". As if holding the Key to the Mysteries of the Adytum, he spoke as one having Authority, of one knowing Akhfa, as if he were the venerable Hallaj returned to teach the mystery of Haqiqatu'l Haqiqah.

The Man's Name was Anthon Noire, a Mujahideen pir, called Awilyah by the Sufi Masters, and his middle eastern political front served emense complexities against the NIF, and Maktab al-Khadamat.

Defenses: Assbadistan has a population of approximately 30,000,000 human beings, many camels, many horses, desert pets, flora, and fauna. The temperatures in Assbadistan range from chilly nights to blistering Desert Heat ranging upwards of 130 degrees F (54 Celsius). In the more sand covered areas (most of Assbadistan) Sand Storms roll across the land grinding the flesh off the bones of those unprepared.
Jackals, Cobras, and Scorpions prowl the days, while unspeakable horrors roam at night.
A radioactive scrubbing bacteria is used shortly after weapons testing for the Government Laboratories, allowing the place to be occupied again after 48 hours to two weeks, depending on the zone. Outside the few major cities, the people travel by horse or camel, and carry their homes in the form of tents and pavalions, decorated with family patterns, and the writings of the Quran. In places previously occupied just nights ago, nuclear testing may take place suddenly, and unpredictably. All families of Assbadistan are issued gigercounter Galileo (GPS variant) wrist watches and follow the directives of the cities.
Asside from the randomly radioactive fallout zones, the playgrounds are loaded with landmines and the city streets are occupied by roaming tanks along side the bizaar. Lawyers are hung by the throat until dead.
Magic is strictly the work of Shaitan. In Assbadistan, the only good magicians, are dead magicians. If a citizen is found practicing forbidden arts defiant of the Sufi way, they are braught before this man:

Our Beloved and most Holy High Priest and Chief Ambassador for Foreign Affairs, he typically has the final word on the Blessings of Allah when dealing with witches, sorcerers, magicians, and similar forms of treason.

[Michael Noire]

Domestic Policy of Assbadistan

In Assbadistan, all children ages Zero to 4 must be trained in the ways of Allah. He who shall steal shall be beaten once. He who shall steal twice shall be beaten twice. He who shall steal three times shall have his hand removed. He that shall lie shall be whipped once, he that shall lie again shall be whipped twice. He that shall lie thrice, shall have his tongue removed. Blessed be Allah.
He that shall take a life in cold blood shall be lashed, he that shall take two lives shall be lashed twice. He that shall take three lives shall lose his own. These laws protect the liberty of the citizen, who may be accused falsely, and found guilty when he is innocent. Know then, that he who shall plead guilty of shedding innocent blood shall be decapitated without a second chance. Holy be the Name of Allah.
If a man shall take the rights of a woman, and have his way with her, he shall lose his manhood, and be shipped to the brothels. Oh Great are the Mercies of Allah.
If a Man shall speak out against another in wrath, or in mockery, or in vanity, he shall be taken into the service of that one, and shall serve him till the next sunrise. And if a man shall own a slave, or become a slave to the world around him, accursed shall he be, and no mountain to high, no valley too deep, no cave too dark shall spare him from the curse of Allah. Thus is the law of Assbadistan.

In Assbadistan, all children must be enlisted into Bootcamp by the age of 5. Those who do not succeed are thrown into the jackal pit until they choose to suceed. Who can fathom the mysteries of Allah?

In Assbadistan, after Many years of Bootcamp, everyone must be Trained in demolitions by age 10. Those who do not wish to be trained in demolitions may choose instead to sleep in the Cobra Pits. Beautiful is the Mercy of Allah.

In Assbadistan, graduates of the Assbadistanian Demolitions Program must become trained Nuclear Physicists by the age of 15. We, the people of Assbadistan understand the great compassion within the servants of Allah, and those who's heart fails them at Nuclear Physics will be given the alternative of being sent to the Brothels for Processing before returning to train as Neurosurgeons. Glory be to Allah! Our Neurobiology and psychology departments are headed by this man,

Who's also responsible for many of the great achievements in rehabilitation, PSI Factor, and the mysteries of the human mind.

In Assbadistan, young adults of the age of 20 become trained as Military Officers to lead the people of Assbadistan, and teach the younger children the art of the scimitar, rifle, explosives, nuclear weapons and other wonders of Allah.

In Assbadistan, Graduates of Officer Training Programs at the age of 25, may attain the title of Dervish, and train in the Sufi Enlightenment Program as Scanners.

techniques to be displayed later...

Other techniques are Classified in the Name of Allah.

Assbadistan Economy (in billions)
Personal Consumption Expenditures (C).......7.5
Gross Private Domestic Investment (Ig) ....75.0
Government Purchases (G) .......................742.5
Imports (mostly food) ..................................86.4
Exports (mostly weapons) .........................140.0
Net Exports (Xn) ...........................................53.6

Gross Domestic Product (GDP) ..................878.6

[Michael Noire]

The Foreign Policy of Assbadistan

We are open to Attack.

We are willing to use nuclear weapons on any target larger than 1000 square km.

Stay Away from Assbadistan. If you end up in Assbadistan by accident, or against your will, leave immediately for your own safety. Do not come here, you will only die. Stay out of Assbadistan. Heroine dealers are strangled with their own genitals. Do not come to Assbadistan. Landmines are on the runway. Stay away from Assbadistan. Weapons dealers will be executed with their own weapons. Do not come to Assbadistan.

If you would like to visit Assbadistan, contact your local Embassy, at 0207 225 3000.

[Michael Noire]

Administrative Intelligence (AI)

Administrative Intelligence represents Assbadistan's various government departments, Including Research and Development, Military, Foreign Intelligence, and Domestic Department Expansion. Research and Development and Military technology Fall under the the Department of Advanced Securities (DAS). Military Decisions and Foreign Intelligence, including Investigation and Surveillance, fall under the jurrisidiction of the Department of Offense (DO). Domestic Department Expansion works with the R&D in attempts to revolutionize the urban and rural centers, as well as planning the relocation efforts between weapons testing. These departments are overseen by this man:

Who also heads our department of Energy, and the space program. All students passing the Nuclear Physics Programs Know him as "the Mad Serbian". Our Nuclear Physics Program actually contains several specialty fields, including Nuclear Astrophysics, Plasma Physics, Quantum Mechanics, Advanced Biophysics, and Psychoenergetics, to name a few. The Mad Serb has been performing a number of new experiments in moving forward with the existing PSI Factor program, and seeks to enlist an unknown number of students into the program, directly out of the Boot Camps of our good Doctor. The Serbian Doctor claims to have achieved limited success with his latest "Delta" scanner:

Just look how happy he is! In Assbadistan, we strive to bring the most amount of love and positive influences in nurturing our children to grow up, this young man is an Exemplar of Assbadistanian Joy and Glee. Glory be to Allah!

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[Michael Noire]

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Name:
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Why you Belong here:

[Michael Noire]

we are officially open now.

[Michael Noire]

In a mine somewhere far removed from the howling jackles, a technician hands a large metal shaft to one soldier, while two others take up backpacks containing small electronic equipment. Amidst the night ,they ride out into the Desert, for their destination.

[Michael Noire]

several days pass, but eventually, the three young riders return to their cave on the outskirts of the Coast, the desert air replenishing their spirits and combating the wretched diseases of humid urban filth.

[Michael Noire]

Now open for recruitment.

[Michael Noire]

Policy on Enemies

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless ******** hole we call FFA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any ******** time. Any ******** day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Gauntanamo bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless ******** hole we call FFA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any ******** time. Any ******** day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Gauantanamo bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly s**t, stupid s**t...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

******** L Ron Hubbard and
******** all his clones.
******** all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

******** retro anything.
******** your tattoos.
******** all you junkies and
******** your short memory.

Learn to swim.

******** smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
******** these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.

(derived mostly from Tool, Aenima)

[Michael Noire]

Just hours ago, a diplomatic liason to a foreign city took flight amidst a sea of panic and disorientation, fueled by unrelated forces. The first a blissful blend of malevolence and ignorance, the second of overconfidence and duty...

[Donald Tenebrae]

OOC: Ive been having alot of family troubles, but i'll probally be on at nine tonight. (And at my own house thank god.) and we can have our one on one.

[Michael Noire]

Donald Tenebrae

OOC: Ive been having alot of family troubles, but i'll probally be on at nine tonight. (And at my own house thank god.) and we can have our one on one.

that is acceptable, though 9 pm here is in 15 minutes, and I wont be online for another 40 mins or so permanently. (Gunslinger Girl... part of the inspiration for this guild. Infact im typing this while watching and reading subtitles.))

[Michael Noire]

Why pay half your GDP to some half assed wannabe militant group?

Assbadistan: Now destroying nations for Half the price!