Normally, I'm all for breaking all of the music theory 'no-no's, but you have so much parallel motion, especially parallel fifths, that it hits the ear kind of jarringly. I suspect that's partially why it would sound better sung - dissonances (which parallel fifths are considered!) are much more harsh on a piano than in the voice.
Also, if this is supposed to be a lullaby, I heavily suggest you knock that down a few keys (possibly down a fourth.) Human voices on high G#'s just don't sound nice when they're trying to be quiet (as you would have to be when singing a lullaby.) On violins, those notes are heavenly - on voices.... it's really hard to make them pretty
You also wrote this in a mode - for the life of me, I can't figure out which one, so from a theoretical standpoint - good job. From a 'what the ear wants to hear' standpoint, it's also kind of confusing.
Also, vexatious voice-leading, batman! Let me guess: You're an alto in choir and you hate that the sopranos get all the melodies while you get stuck with the harmonies - so you put the melody in the alto whenever possible, right? I used to do that too. Trust me - it doesn't work well in a practical setting. The sopranos get confused and the altos get lost because more often than not, they won't realize they have the melody.
Also - you spelled that last note in the soprano part wrong - that should be a C#, not a Db. (yes, they sound the same - but so do 'here' and 'hear' - harmonic spelling still counts in music.)
All that aside - this is pretty neat sounding. Nice job.
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