Cashmere Cactus
Jeering Codger
High school is many things to many people, but I think we can all agree on one basic fact: beneath the thin façade of "education" and "socialization," it's mainly just a treacherous gauntlet of humiliation and indignity. Luckily, a little know-how will let you navigate the perils of teenage embarrassment with your soul mostly intact!
I've asked some of Gaia's most familiar faces about their most embarrassing moments and how they coped with the humiliation. As usual, we've been rewarded with some truly terrible advice...
Sasha: I got stood up on prom night and it was totally the most embarrassing thing ever, but I'm totally over it now. Now I just, like, think back on it and laugh. Hahaha... heh... *sob*.... BAAAWWWWWW!
Ian: I guess the most embarrassing thing was when I tripped over my shoelaces and fell down two flights of stairs on the first day of school. Everyone was laughing at me, but I just told myself, "hey, nobody knows me, nobody will remember this in a week." But they did, of course, and every time I walked down the hall, people would do impressions of my girlish screaming and flailing.
Moira: For some reason I decided to try out pole vaulting in gym class, and there was kind of an incident. I'm not gonna get into the whole story, but let's just say I spent the next two years walking sideways, like a crab. But if anyone looked at me funny, I'd just slap the taste out of their mouth.
Edmund: Ah, yes, I remember it well: in my biology class, I accidentally called my teacher "mom." If it happens to you, it's best to just cut your losses and move on. I transferred to another school and never looked back.
Sam: I was kinda absent-minded, and I was always going to school with mismatched socks and backwards shirts and both feet through the same pant-leg. I mean, not all three at once, but... well, yeah, one time it was all at once. I just played it off by pretending to be crazy, and people mostly left me alone.
Liam: What? Nah, I've never been embarrassed, dude. Not once. Y'see, the trick to never being embarrassed is having no conscience, dignity or sense of shame. No shame, no pain, bro!
Natasha: One time I dropped a beaker full of hydrochloric acid on a kid's foot in chemistry class and it pretty much ate right through it. That was pretty embarrassing. I guess it ruined his basketball scholarship, too, but on the plus side it started my lifelong fascination with body modification, so it all worked out. I still see that guy sometimes, driving a hearse.
Gino Gambino: I went to a private boarding school, so we all had to change into our pajamas in the dormitories. All the other boys used to make fun of my sunken chest. One time they held me down and took turns eating soup out of it. How did I deal with it? Oh, mostly by crying, I guess.
Agatha: I mispronounced the word "gabardine" while I was reading a poem in literature class. Everyone chuckled at me, and I just wanted to hide forever. I got my revenge, though... I got my revenge on all of them. So, yeah... let's just pretend we never read that, shall we? Anyway, if you'd like to dish out some advice of your own on coping with embarrassing situations, please do!
