I feel a little strange writing here, but it'd feel more wrong not to.
I didn't know Brian well at all, but sometimes you don't have to talk to people that much to know they're good or kind, and over the course of the past few days, I've come to realise what a wonderful person he was through stories recounted.
I still can't believe he's gone, and seeing as I barely knew him, I can't imagine what it must be like for his friends. Just know that I'm always here for you guys, and I'd be more than happy to do anything I can to help, whatever that may be.
There's been such an outpour of love and appreciation for him. I'm sure he would be glad that you celebrated his life, rather than mourned him.
All I could think about today was the feel of your shirt beneath my hand, you know, the stripped knit one, kinda brown, kinda green. You wore it a lot, I think until it had holes in it. It was a typical Brian shirt, one of the few typical "Non-Anime-Brian-Shirt".
I remembered who it felt under my hands when I used to hug you, or when you would pull me onto your back and carry me around (complete with my hysterical and joyful pleas to be let down). I remember how it felt when we sat on my couch and I'd lean into you. I remember the knitting, the material, how rough it was against my fingers. It smelled of you, and I carry that with me even now.
I miss you. I can't stand the thought of not feeling your hugs anymore, or you laughing at me as I try to kick you in the shin and end up hurting my toes rather than you. I can't cry, because you don't want me to, but I can't stop either, no matter how many times I tell myself that this is what you'd want to avoid. I want to be strong for you, but I don't know how I can be when I don't have you pushing me along the way like a good friend does.
I love you, dearest. Not time, not this... nothing can change that. Nothing will change it. I love you, for every time we fought, for everytime we hugged, for every bruise and every smile and every funny voice and bad joke that made us groan. I love you for support you gave all of us, for the stubborn way you defended your position, for the way you could create something vast and detailed and expansive out of nothing. I love you for the way you held us your equal, and for the way you gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. I love you for the way you called me stupid when I needed it, and for the way you made me think Bill Watterson was gone because I'm gulliable.
I love you because I know you'd be mad at me for crying now, but you'd wrap your arms around me anyway, and rock me back and forth. Even with that scratchy knit shirt.
It's still such a shock. I had just started talking to him in the Q&F AIM chats not to long ago, but he was such a great guy and funny too. Every time I report a sig violation it's going to remind me of him.
I said my goodbye in his journal, but it's nice to have found this here, in his niche. He was a sweetheart, and fun everytime I got to talk to him, even if it was to pester him about some menial mod thing. He'll always be a sweetheart in my memory and mind. I'll miss him too. *hugs to Val and Xan and Liz if she ever gets here*
I am sure he is in a place where he can look on you all and smile. Even though I did not have the pleasure of knowing him very well. I understand what your going through to lose a deep and caring friend and family. I have learned from experience that it is neccesary to remember him, and honor him. I am sure he is happy knowing that you celebrate his life and know he is in a great place looking out for all of his friends.
Though I feel I'm in no place to leave a post, everything else inside my mind and heart is telling me I have to get it out somewhere.
In retrospect, I always wanted to get to know people, learn about them, make friends with them, be a part of their life. In this, I tend to fail a lot. Though I was probably an insignificant part of Shishio's life, this is having a big impact on me, especially because of the shock factor.
The times we talked, I found your opinions set and your comments so appropriate and helpful. The personality you show is very likeable... I hope whatever is happening now is helping any of your dreams from life come true.
To those that knew him so much better than I did, I wish you the best for times like this and can't imagine what to say besides the internet *hug*.
Like all the others have said, you will live on in our hearts. In this way, nobody is ever gone.
Shishio... Brian... you were a good man and a good friend. I'm going to miss you terribly. And I'm at a loss for words, which doesn't happen to me often. I'm going to miss you terribly. I'm glad that I knew you, though.
There aren't words that can express my sympathy for Shishio's friends and family.
Shy of my experiences with him in the Questions and Feedback AIM chats and the occassional random IM, I hadn't gotten the chance to know Brian well. I did, however, speak with him enough to know that his loss will impact anyone's life that he touched and it will do so on a very profound level.
My heart goes out to all of you who knew him better than myself. I cannot begin to imagine how this is effecting you.
Brian, we'll miss ya man. Gaia's going to be a hell of a different place without you.