Action 9 is proud to offer this very special transmission: we have secured an interview with Gaia's most prominent celebrity, the talented Ron Bruise. With him are some very special guests who have graciously agreed to appear on camera for the very first time. Would you all care to introduce yourselves?
Yeah! Hi! It's such a treat to finally meet with my biggest fans! These guys came a long way to talk to me, but this is the first time we've had a chance to sit down and chat! Oh man, it's great to be here! Hi Cindy! Whoooooo!
It is a pleasure to speak with you, Gaian newswoman. It is also a pleasure to finally meet Mr. Ron Bruise. We greatly enjoy his entertainment modules. Allow me to introduce my family. These are a few of my many children: 02, 05, 06, 07, 11, and 12.
Sometimes telling the truth is the only charitable thing to do, 07. And the truth is that Gaians are foul primates, right? It would be unfair to them, in the long run, if we shielded them from the fact that they are inferior, stinking apes.
Our preliminary research of Gaia consisted largely of material relating to Ron Bruise. Zurg is very distant from Gaia; somehow, only transmissions relating to Ron Bruise reached our world. It is as if the only intergalactic transmissions coming from Gaia were tales of Ron Bruise's exploits. When we saw that Mr. Bruise had saved the world many times and loved many women, we assumed that Ron Bruise was of great importance to your culture. He also has such a large head... clearly, his evolution is advanced.