Things Characters from LOTR would NEVER Say

[Bluering Bearer]

Legolas (in the film)

something longer than a three words sentence

something intelligent

[Sinfair]

Ringwraiths : Give us the Hobbit, She-elf!
Arwen : NO WAY! That Hobbit owes me 10 bucks!
Frodo : I DO NOT!

(in moria)
Gollum : Damm i have some really bad hair! Maybe that Elf guy will borrow me some Shampoo and stuff......
(Gollum walks over to Legolas)
Gollum : Can i borrow some shampoo?
Legolas : Eeeew!
(Legolas runs and leaves Gollum sad behind)
Gollum sad cryes)I just want to be hot!

(in Minas Tirith)
Pippin : Gandalf?
Gandalf : Yes what is the problem Pip
Pippin : there is not really a problem its just that....
Gandalf : yes?
Pippin : When do i get some cool armour? Cause i really want to fight!
Gandalf : well you can lead Minas Tiriths armyes
Pippin : Yay!

(Helms deep)
Legolas : Whats that nice tasty red stuff?
Aragorn : Eeew thats blood you stupid idiot
Legolas : ohhh...Do you want some?
Aragorn sad throws up) Oh god Nooo!
Legolas : Gees dont get a cow!
(Aragorn kills an orc by choppin its head off)
Legolas : Are you gonna eat that?
Aragorn : WILL YOU STOP THAT! scream
(Merry and Pippin walks in)
Legolas : What are you guys doing here?
Merry : Well Treebeard said that he didnt like us anymore
Pippin : yeah Maybe its because you broke his chainsaw
Merry : I didnt do it!
Pippin : Oh yes you did
Aragorn : Well cant you guys just go some where else and talk!
Legolas : Aaaaw cant they stay?
(Pippin sees that Legolas has blood around his mouth)
Pippin : Eeeerh i think ill go...
Merry : Uhm me too
(Merry and Pippin run off)
Legolas : What was that about?
Aragorn : Eeerh just get that blood off your face Dracula....

[~Anoriel~]

Bluering Bearer

For those who speak french, I wrote a fic (under the pen name of Arhini fille d'Arathorn) called A Very Classic Story which is full of things they wouldn't say.

duh. Do you want the URL ?

yeah! i suck at speaking french but i CAN read it. (i know that's strange xd )

[Lizardly_Lizzie8]

oricai (or however u spell it): I think this white paint really brings out my eyes...

[SwirlySlidez]

(A very tired Fellowship is approaching the Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria....)

Gandalf: Well, we're at the door...
Pippin: Is there a key?
Merry: Check under the welcome mat.
Gandalf: You fools, there's a password, see. It says, "Speak, friend, and enter."
Gimli: You ever actually learn to read?
Gandalf: Well...
Legolas: It doesn't say anything about a password.
Aragorn: It looks like a recipe... 2 quarts goat milk, 14 eggs, a pinch of salt, 5 pounds of flour, 2 pounds of sugar...
Gimli: It's the recipe for Dwarven sugar cookies.
Frodo: Sam?
Sam: I've got most of the ingredients here, Mr. Frodo, but without a goat, I can't do anything.
Pippin: So, how about looking under that mat for a key?
Gandalf: (looks under welcome mat) Nope, no key.
Merry: (screams)
(A giant squid creature pops out of the water.)
Squid: I will give you the key if you answer my questions three...
Gandalf: Alright, shoot.
Squid: (pulls out a gun and shoots Gandalf in the leg) Now, question one: What are your names?
Gandalf: I'm Gandalf... and I'm bleeding... Oh God, I'm bleeding.
Pippin: This isn't Godspell... I'm Peregrin Took, also known as Pippin, or Pip for shorter.
Merry: I'm Meriadoc Brandybuck, but you may call me the ruler of all you see.
Gandalf: I'm really not feeling well...
Aragorn: Oh, hush. I'm Strider, a Ranger from the North.
Squid: And?
Aragorn: Grr... and Aragorn, son of Arathorn...
Frodo: I am Frodo Baggins.
Sam: Samwise Gamgee... his gardner.
Gimli: I am Gimli, son of Gloin... and I am not ashamed of my lineage.
Legolas and Aragorn: What lineage?
Legolas: I am Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood.
Bill the Pony: *neigh*
Squid: Good... Now, question two: What is your quest?
Aragorn: I've got this one. To destroy the One Ring in the fires of Mordor.
Squid: Ok... Question three: What... is the airspeed velocity of a laden swallow?
Legolas: An African swallow or a European swallow?
Squid: Oh damn, just take the key.
Gimli: How'd you know that'd confuse him?
Legolas: I collect swallows.

[suicidial tendancy]

suaron: can someone get me my eye drops i have allergies and my eyes are red hurry up i don't got all day

fordo: hey sam do you want some rabbit feet
sam: no i'm going on that new atkins diet see i already ordered the book on what not to eat and what to eat it should be here any day now
aragorn you know being king ain't eay man i gotta do some hard stuff like look interested when people are talking about their problems and not falling asleep at roundtables

legolas: i'm out of arrows got any darts

[suicidial tendancy]

fell beat to ringwraith: now if you look to your right their is a beutifull sight of helms deep oh look there having a lttile scuffel i hope noone dies look to your right and there are the misty mountains have ever been there great place fasten your seatbelt i'm experiencing turbulance

[Rotkehlchen]

Gremfox

Ringwraiths : Give us the Hobbit, She-elf!
Arwen : NO WAY! That Hobbit owes me 10 bucks!
Frodo : I DO NOT!

(in moria)
Gollum : Damm i have some really bad hair! Maybe that Elf guy will borrow me some Shampoo and stuff......
(Gollum walks over to Legolas)
Gollum : Can i borrow some shampoo?
Legolas : Eeeew!
(Legolas runs and leaves Gollum sad behind)
Gollum sad cryes)I just want to be hot!

(in Minas Tirith)
Pippin : Gandalf?
Gandalf : Yes what is the problem Pip
Pippin : there is not really a problem its just that....
Gandalf : yes?
Pippin : When do i get some cool armour? Cause i really want to fight!
Gandalf : well you can lead Minas Tiriths armyes
Pippin : Yay!

(Helms deep)
Legolas : Whats that nice tasty red stuff?
Aragorn : Eeew thats blood you stupid idiot
Legolas : ohhh...Do you want some?
Aragorn sad throws up) Oh god Nooo!
Legolas : Gees dont get a cow!
(Aragorn kills an orc by choppin its head off)
Legolas : Are you gonna eat that?
Aragorn : WILL YOU STOP THAT! scream
(Merry and Pippin walks in)
Legolas : What are you guys doing here?
Merry : Well Treebeard said that he didnt like us anymore
Pippin : yeah Maybe its because you broke his chainsaw
Merry : I didnt do it!
Pippin : Oh yes you did
Aragorn : Well cant you guys just go some where else and talk!
Legolas : Aaaaw cant they stay?
(Pippin sees that Legolas has blood around his mouth)
Pippin : Eeeerh i think ill go...
Merry : Uhm me too
(Merry and Pippin run off)
Legolas : What was that about?
Aragorn : Eeerh just get that blood off your face Dracula....

HAHA... that was hilarious! lol

[bananaboy92]

Gandalf: What up Frodo my home boy?
Frodo: Check out this sweet ring my fada gave me...
Gandalf: sweet.....

[PearlZenith]

bananaboy92

Gandalf: What up Frodo my home boy?
Frodo: Check out this sweet ring my fada gave me...
Gandalf: sweet.....

This amuses me. Especially as it makes me think of a friend of mine we used to call "Gandalf the black." Good times, good times. whee

[suicidial tendancy]

PearlZenith

bananaboy92

Gandalf: What up Frodo my home boy?
Frodo: Check out this sweet ring my fada gave me...
Gandalf: sweet.....

This amuses me. Especially as it makes me think of a friend of mine we used to call "Gandalf the black." Good times, good times. whee

my fried dressed in all black once for holoween and we called him gandalf the black as a ni8ck name

[TheOriginalWhatsername]

characters? sam & frodo. what is said? "oh, sam! i luv u! lets hav a threesome w// gollum! i want 2 phukk u all nite long!" happy, now? just a creepy thought that ran through my head a while ago.

[Bluering Bearer]

~Anoriel~

Bluering Bearer

For those who speak french, I wrote a fic (under the pen name of Arhini fille d'Arathorn) called A Very Classic Story which is full of things they wouldn't say.

duh. Do you want the URL ?

yeah! i suck at speaking french but i CAN read it. (i know that's strange xd )

well the lik is in "fanfics anyone ?" topic...

[Goddess of Archangels]

Frodo: Put the lime in the coke, you nut....
Sam: What's a lime?

Pippin: Tralalalala! Off to flunky school we go!
Merry: Dammit, I hate school.

Gandalf: OMG did you, just, like, hear? Frodo, is like, gay!
Aragorn: Yeah right, and I'm the elf queen of Mirkwood.
Legolas: (gasps) You're my mother?
Aragorn: Would you get out of here?!

[SwirlySlidez]

This thread is really unleashing my creative side... I might actually rewrite the stories one day... My way.

New one:

(Gandalf sits down in the Mines of Moria)
Pippin: Merry...
Merry: What?
Are we lost?
Merry: No... shh
Pippin: Merry...
Merry: What?
Pippin: I'm hungry.
Gimli: Shut it you two... Gandalf is contemplating whether or not he's going to tell us that he's gone and lost us...
Gandalf: I've lost nothing.
Aragorn: Except maybe your brain.
Legolas: Be nice.
Aragorn: Everyone's thinking it. I'm just saying it.
Frodo: Row row row your boat, Gently down the stream.
Sam: Please no, Mister Frodo.
Pippin: I'm a little teapot short and stout...
Merry: The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout...
Gandalf: What happened?
Aragorn: They started their nusery rhyme game. They're bored... You better not have gotten us lost or we will be listening to that until we die!
Gandalf: Then... it's probably a bad time to tell you that I have no clue where we are... My meds ran low about... two hours ago.
Legolas: Alright everyone... We're eating the wizard first!