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I call this one: To-do list

(Pippin is sitting on his bed amongst his armor in Gondor)
Pippin: Lu lu lu, I've got some apples... Lu lu lu, you got some too...
(Gandalf walks in)
Gandalf: Did you light the beacon yet?
Pippin: It's on my To-do list.
scene change
(Frodo and Sam are wandering through Mordor)
Sam: So, Mister Frodo? Any chance we'll be destroying that Ring soon?
Frodo: It's on my To-do list. What about asking Rosie Cotton to marry you?
Sam: It's on my To-do list. How about making a plan to stop Gollum from killing us on our way to the mountain?
Frodo: It's on my To-do list. How about...
scene change
(Aragorn is sitting outside drinking soup when Gimli and Legolas join him)
Legolas: Any good sights?
Aragorn: I don't know... No beacon, if that's what you mean.
Gimli: You'd think it'd be top priority.
Legolas: Maybe they're fine.
Aragorn: And maybe I'm a flying monkey on a stick.
Gimli: What?
Aragorn: I'm just saying I'm not saying anything if you know what I'm saying.
Legolas: You need to be less vague.
Aragorn: It's on my To-do list.
scene change
(Frodo and Sam)
Sam: Well, about how long do you suppose it'll be before you tell Pippin who it really was that broke the glasses at his mum's house?
Frodo: It's on my To-do list. And while we're on the subject, when do you intend to tell Old Man Miser about the roses in his garden?
Sam: It's on my To-do list. How soon is it gonna be before you...
scene change
(Theoden is talking to Eowyn)
Theoden: So, that Aragorn guy? Sexy, huh?
Eowyn: Yes.
Theoden: So when's the wedding?
Eowyn: Wedding?
Theoden: Well, you're gonna ask him to marry you and have your babies, aren't you?
Eowyn: It's on my To-do list... and men can't have babies!
scene change
(Frodo and Sam)
Frodo: Okay okay, but I remember someone saying he was going to go out and buy some milk the day before the move back then.
Sam: It was on my To-do list. But since you're going there, how about a certain someone who said he was going to buy the balloons for Old Bilbo's party?
Frodo: It was on my To-do list. And what about when you...
scene change
(Gandalf and Pippin are talking to Denethor)
Denethor: Sing me a song.
Gandalf: You've lost that loving feeling. Whoa-oa, that loving feeling. You've lost that loving feeling and it's gone, gone, gone. Whoa-oa-oa. (he might still be high)
Pippin: No no no! I need to sing a special song... *ahem* (sings poorly, very poorly) If I could turn back time... If I could find a way... I'd take back all the words that have hurt you, and you'd say... If I could reach the stars... I'd give 'em all to you!
(Denethor and Gandalf are covering their ears)
Denethor: (hollering) I thought you said you were going to get him singing lessons!
Gandalf: (also hollering) It's on my To-do list!
scene change
(Frodo and Sam)
Sam: And then there was that one time...
Frodo: What?
Sam: I don't know. I ran out of acusations.
Frodo: Me too... We need to do more things to get mad at each other about.
Sam: It's on our To-do list. (gets out a piece of paper) "Do... more... maddening... things... around... each...other..." So, when do we start?
Frodo: Let's put it off as long as we can.
scene change
(Aragorn and Legolas are watching the stars. Gimli is inside now)
Aragorn: Well, to be honest, I never did like any of the Charmed sisters.
Legolas: Yeah, they weren't exactly my cup of tea. They're actually the reason I stopped watching that infernal contraption. You should try it, go outside more. Turn off the tv.
Aragorn: It's on my To-do list.
Sam: Pull YOURSELF out of the damn hole! GAWD!

Frodo: Hi Legolas!

(Not ONCE in all of the movie-trilogy did Frodo ever speak to Legolas. Even at the end when he woke up in Gondor after destroying the ring. Legolas walked in lookin' all purty and he just smiled at him. "Gimli! *hugs and looks up* Oh, there's that blonde girl again." wink


Aragorn: *mid-battle* OW! Oh- oww! *holds bleeding finger* Oh OOWWW!!! *cries and stomps off the battle-field*
Heaven forbid THIS should ever happen:

Gandalf: *hits Orc with Glamdring*
Orc: *alive*

Did anyone else notice that? Gandalf will hit the orc on the shoulder and OHNOOO! *stumble, fall, death*
Galadriel: 'Get the hell out of here you damn hobbit, go lure those Nazgul and orcs to your own home!'
Legolas- (crying) He called me a sissy… (cries some more)
Legolas- I need some booze. (He might say this, actually. Wood elves love wine...)
Legolas- Boring forests, let’s go to the caves!
Legolas- Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I’ll go eat cram…
Legolas- huh huh, I used to date a troll!
Legolas- (one of the many times he stands guard at night and sings) 45 bottles of beer on the wall… 45 bottles of beer…
Legolas- (looking in the mirror) Oh, where did this pimple come from…
Legolas- My socks are very clean, I use Tide!
Treebeard- Screw the free people of the earth! I want me some Entwife!
Uruk-Hai- (singing) the Hills are alive, with the sound of muuuusiiiiiicccc!!!
Elrond- Yeah, Isuldur was a cool guy…
Galadriel- YOU ALL SUCK!
Frodo- I feel very bright and chipper! Oh look, Mount Doom’s a little closer today!
Aragorn- AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Save me, gods! Orcs! Big, ugly, Orcs! HEEEEELP! HEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPP!!
Saruman- Okay, how about this…we SHARE the ring!
RingWraith- (humming) you are my sunshine, my only sunshine…
Frodo- AHH! Orcs! Orcs! Just kidding! HAHAHAA!
Faramir - OH YEAH! Boromir’s dead! GONE! Outta here! YES! The throne is mine, the throne is mine! WHOO WHOO WHOO! Oh yeah! Me, KING Faramir!
Gandalf- Wait, I’m confused! You stick your right leg in, then out, then in again, then you shake it all about?
Ringwriath- (smoking a cigar) When we say we want da hobbit, we MEAN we want da hobbit. Now please, da hobbit!
Gandalf- (pondering) Hmm, if I buy the red belt then it won’t go with that new wizard robe thing I bought…
Aragorn- (after telling Eowyn that she has to stay behind) ooh, that oughta make the mascara run…
Gimli- Yes, I would like the lobster with white wine, please?
Legolas- I want the rare steak! BLOODY!
Pippin- What on earth…? Oh, for the love of… Will you two stop fooling around! We’re on a grim and serious quest here!!
Arwen- (on the phone) Oh, I so know! Yes, Aragorn can be a little annoying… he can’t even wash his own socks for crying out loud!
Frodo- (dancing) I am the chicken’s master!

WARNING: I got this from another group who got it from someones FanFic
Decorera's avatar

Dapper Shapeshifter

Try these on for size...................

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(Legolas shooting arrows)

Thunk.... thunk.... thunk..... .....

Legolas: WHAT!!!! I MISSED!!!

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(Legolas sitting in a window when Gimli walks up)

Legolas : Gimli, my friend. What is the matter?

Gimli : It's nothing Legolas. I just realised the complete superiority of elves, and I just wanted to say, "You're the best, Leggy!".

(Gimli glomps Legolas and walks off.)

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(Boromir in Minas Tireth, angsting as usual. Faramir comes upon him.)

Faramir : Brother......

Boromir : ?

Faramir : Get over yourself! (Storms off)

Boromir :Wait Faramir! I need you to help me pick out a shirt for tomorrow's battle! Waaaaaaaaaait!

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(Aragorn kneeling at his mother's grave)

Elrond: You know she really was an annoying b***h.

Aragorn: Yeah. Thanks for taking me in Ada.

Elrond: You're welcome son. Now come over here and thank me properly.

(CENSORED)

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Okay I've run out of ideas but I'll be back.
Legolas: Oops, I ran out of arrows.
Gimli: Don't worry, shoot my ax instead.

Frodo: I'm sooo sorry! Sauron put an evil spell on me and made me think the ring was chocolate so I ate it!
Sam: No, mister Frodo, I'm the one who ate it.

Treebeard: Ah, Gandalf, you're back!
Pippin: Um...are you talking to me?
Merry: Look, Treebeard's growing fruits! Yum!
lol, that's funny!!
(Gandalf looks out over the heads of the members of the Fellowship and puts a baseball cap on)
Gandalf: Okay folks... We've got two days to get this whole place fixed.
Aragorn: Gandalf! We aren't supposed to fix the doors after the giant squid breaks them in. Those doors are our only protection from that thing.
Pippin: Singing in the cave, just singing in the cave. It's a dark, scary feeling, I'm singing in the cave. There's bats up above. They fly through the halls... And the giant squid just broke down the walls. Let the evil orcs chase, us from this place. Get on down the cave. I've a-
Gandalf: Shut up!
Merry: Okay, let's do it Pip. We said we would the next time he yelled...
Pippin: Meriadoc, Obi-Sam never told you what happened to your father.
Merry: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.
Pippin: No, Merry. I am your father.
Merry: No, that's not true... That's impossibe.
Pippin: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Merry: No... Nooooooooo!
Pippin: Together, you and I can rule this galaxy as father and son. It is your destiny.
Merry: (falls down)
Pippin: Well, darn it, I lose more sons that way.
Gandalf: Okay, okay. I'll stop. I'm sorry I yelled! Just please don't put Pippin back in that gold bikini!
Beagle_Cat-Fish
Merry: Look, Treebeard's growing fruits! Yum!


I'm not sure why, but I really am amused by that one. 3nodding
They should make a book with all of these... blaugh
Anyone: That's a very good idea, Pippin!
For those who speak french, I wrote a fic (under the pen name of Arhini fille d'Arathorn) called A Very Classic Story which is full of things they wouldn't say.

duh. Do you want the URL ?
Frodo : Sam, could you hold the ring a minut while I'm chasing Gollum away ?

Gimli : I love forests !
Legolas: Okay, who stole my shampoo?

Aragorn: Hey! Ow, that hurt! *sniffles, holds hand gingerly* That's a sharp sword, you know... *sniffles*

Aragorn: ... AHHHHHH!!!! *runs away*

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