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This is something you'd never see...

Gandalf walks into the Council of Elrond.
GANDALF: Look, here's the deal. I lost my horse back in Isengard and it took me forever to get here, so basically, I'm looking for a few good Hobbits, a couple Men, a Dwarf, and an Elf to carry me from here to my palatial estate in Gondor. And while we're at it, I think there's this really cool place over in Mordor we might like to check out, take a couple pictures and what-not, you know. They've got great souveniers.
FRODO: Umm, Gandalf? Weren't we supposed to destroy this Ring?
GANDALF: (snorts in laughter) Ring? Psh. Leave that to the people who care. I need a vacation. Who's with me?
ELROND: Gandalf? Have you taken your medicine today?
GANDALF: Screw you! You're not my parole officer!
Merry: Another mushroom, Pippin?
Pippin: No...I'm so full...

Balrog: No, its ok. You guys can pass. I'm on strike. Morgoth hasn't payed me in, like, a million years.

Sam: I'm sick and tired of you treating me like an inferior, Frodo! Its always <whine> 'Sam...go do this', or 'Sam...go do that', 'Sam...the Ring is tempting me again...' </whine> well, I'm not going to stand it any longer! Cummon, Gollum, let's go find some new best friends...

Orc: *Reading spelling-link so kindly provided by ChewySkywalker*

Ok...I think that's all I have for now...
Frodo: what's your favorite animal

Sam: Zebra

I don't think that sam likes zebras...
Pippin is looking over his livery from Denethor. (If I spelled livery wrong... srry)
PIPPIN: So, I have to wear this... because?
GANDALF: Because... I guess because if you get into a battle, you won't get hurt.
PIPPIN: Really?
GANDALF: Well, you won't be AS hurt.
PIPPIN: AS hurt? Umm, Do you mean that...
GANDALF: Yes, Pippin. You could die.
PIPPIN: What? No words of wisdom? No knowledgeable Gandalfean theory? Just, "You could die?"
GANDALF: What do you want me to say? The magic pixie from NeverLand is going to show up and save you if you clap your hands?
PIPPIN: Never mind...
GANDALF: (claps) Here Tinkerbell! Here Tink! Nope, no luck... Oh well. Guess you're screwed.
PIPPIN: Senile jerk.
Gimli: ...........Dwarves suck, i like elves.........
Arwen: I have come to take Frodo to Rivendell, because I a $%^# warrior princess now.
THEODEN: I hate horses!
LEGOLAS:Give me an axe!
FRODO(To Sam): Let's make love. (Woops, I forgot, we're supposed to put things they wouldn't say)
Gollum: Stupid precious..who needs it anyways..its not important anymore..and neither is master....its the fat one..the fat one is the one i love...come here silly

Sauron: Could someone else take my spot?..my eye hurts!
Legolas: Shiggety Shiggety

Frodo: Shwag heart
Here's another:
ARAGORN: Legolas! What do your elf-eyes see?
LEGOLAS: (mockingly) What do your elf-eyes see... b*****d.
ARAGORN: What was that?
LEGOLAS: Why do I always have to be the one that knows what's coming? It's always, Legolas, watch ahead! or Legolas, keep guard for the night! or Legolas, this stupid horseman is making fun of me!
GIMLI: That hasn't even happened yet...
LEGOLAS: Oops...
ARAGORN: rolleyes
GIMLI: rolleyes
LEGOLAS: Screw you both. I don't have to be on this journey you know! I could be back at home, sitting amongst beautiful creatures, awaiting my time to leave, but no! I had to help my friends...
ARAGORN: Drama queen.
LEGOLAS: I'll be over here, restringing my bow...
Saruman : Hello Treebeard lets be friends!
Treebeard : okay and lets kill some trees! biggrin

Gandalf : Saruman you were right lets rule over middle earth
and destroy men!

Saruman : How could you say that! you fool! im gonna save Frodo from your claws! i Like Hobbits! they are cool.....

Gandalf :.....
Eowyn : Aragorn how old are you?

Aragorn : 27

Eowyn : you have to say 87!

Aragorn : why cant i just lie?

Eowyn : I hate you......
Pippin : i dont want to smoke wheat anymore......
Treebeard : then give me some!

Faramir : Boromir is dead....
Denethor : so?
Faramir : arent you sad?
Denethor : no im happy i like you the most

Faramir : im gonna take the ring to Gondor!
Frodo : uhm in the book you set me free.....
Faramir : so? who says i have to listen to that stupid book?
Tolkiens ghost : well i dont.....
Merry : Pip i hate you go away i never want to see you again ever
Pippin : Fine! i hate you AND the Shire!!!!! im going to Disneyland!

Fiml Frodo : Its mine... no one shall see or know about it!
GANDALF: FRODO! Take off your pants.
FRODO: What? Why?
GANDALF: The ring is possessing them!
SAM: MR. FRODO!!! For your own safety, TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!!!

I...I love you... crying

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