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Angel_Takio's avatar

Magnetic Sex Symbol

First things first, I wanna come right out and say this: I DO NOT THINK LOLITA IS A SEXUALIZED THING!!! I'm well aware that it's a fashion and the name 'lolita' is just an unfortunate coincidence that it also shares the name of the famous book about a *****. I know it is not a fashion meant to sexualize youth or children. I know lolita is a downplayed style, which is about being a modest, feminine girl (or boy). I know full well if a lolita outfit has a sexy look it is no longer lolita. Okay? Just wanted to make sure my credentials were in order...

Now, onto the real topic!

Some time ago I was in a bit of a fling with a young man who really liked my lolita outfits. And by really liked, yes, I mean they sexually aroused him. Keep in mind, I was wearing proper lolita, ie I had a long, puffy skirt with petticoats and bloomers, My blouse had a Peter pan collar with no cleavage, I had a wig with proper headgear, knee-high or higher knit socks or tight and Mary-janes. Occasionally, I'd wear a corset underneath to give me shape, but other than that, I never wore it in a way that would have been considered 'sexy' and yet he still loved when I put it on. I asked him about it and he gave me some interesting answers. "I dunno, really, something about how lolita is all ruffly gets me, or maybe it's because you have all those layers on. Ya know, every extra piece makes me wonder even more 'What's she got under there?!' and the not knowing makes me want to know even more! And you don't dress like regular girls, all slutty 'n' s**t. Something's really sexy about a girl who's modest." I asked him if he thought it made him feel like a ***** because it was childlike. He said no, because it's not the 'childlike' look that gets him, because regular kids clothes don't have the effect. Only lolita wear.

So it got me to thinking: Is it wrong to 'feel' sexy in or about lolita, even if it's a very modest fashion? I certainly never minded wearing lolita around him, and he was pretty happy with it. But was it wrong of him to enjoy it that way? Was it just his thing? Or was he really a bit of a child-lover and it was just a cover up. I have my opinion in the matter, but I'd like to hear some others. Comments anyone?
Robo-Dream's avatar

Lonely Phantom

So... maybe I'm going to get a little flak for saying this, but...whatever.

There is no reason that a Lolita can't be found attractive (and yes, sexy) while wearing her frills. Hey, the clothes look good and if you pick a style that flatters you, you're going to look good! It doesn't matter if every inch of your body is covered, there are plenty of people who would agree with your boyfriend that "less is more" when it comes to showing off skin. There's something to be said for a little mystery. smile

That being said, I think what lolitas frown upon is fetishization of their style. This means things like age-play, which is probably what you're concerned about. That vast majority of lolitas do their best to try and distance themselves from being linked to the fetish culture that revolves around dressing like children, with the intent of *looking* like children, and being sexy.

There is a really blurry distinction in some cases, and honestly, I can understand why it would confuse those outside the fashion. Lolita often highlights the demure, the innocent, the cute, and yes, those things can be attractive, and even a little sexy. However, all of those words can easily be applied to children annnd well... that's a bit problematic and confusing for some people.

That doesn't sound at all like what you're doing with your boyfriend though. It sounds like he might be the type to appreciate the "sexy librarian" look, if I was to make a guess. XD So... carry on.
Almond Milks's avatar

Profitable Businessman

I've been thinking about making a similar thread myself.

I don't think that dressing in lolita should make it so that you are not alowed to express your sexuality just because it sometimes gets confused with ageplay. Hell, I wouldn't even be offended if some age player thought it was sexy as long as they knew that the fashion wasn't intended that way, etc. All the anti-sexual and slut-shaming in the lolita community is total crap. I've actually been considering going to fetish and burlesque events in my AP dresses and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Fun fact: I'm asexual. Hooray for breaking stereotypes.
wonderfinch's avatar

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Almond Milks
I've been thinking about making a similar thread myself.

I don't think that dressing in lolita should make it so that you are not alowed to express your sexuality just because it sometimes gets confused with ageplay. Hell, I wouldn't even be offended if some age player thought it was sexy as long as they knew that the fashion wasn't intended that way, etc. All the anti-sexual and slut-shaming in the lolita community is total crap. I've actually been considering going to fetish and burlesque events in my AP dresses and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Fun fact: I'm asexual. Hooray for breaking stereotypes.

FWIW I've been to fetish and burlesque events in lolita and it's pretty fun~
Almond Milks's avatar

Profitable Businessman

wonderfinch
Almond Milks
I've been thinking about making a similar thread myself.

I don't think that dressing in lolita should make it so that you are not alowed to express your sexuality just because it sometimes gets confused with ageplay. Hell, I wouldn't even be offended if some age player thought it was sexy as long as they knew that the fashion wasn't intended that way, etc. All the anti-sexual and slut-shaming in the lolita community is total crap. I've actually been considering going to fetish and burlesque events in my AP dresses and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Fun fact: I'm asexual. Hooray for breaking stereotypes.

FWIW I've been to fetish and burlesque events in lolita and it's pretty fun~


I'm curious to how it's recieved at fetish events. Tell me more?
wonderfinch's avatar

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I don't think there's anything wrong with the way the guy you were seeing viewed lolita! And honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with using lolita as an expression of your individual sexuality. Most people have sex, have attraction to other human beings, and so on and so forth, so using lolita as an expression of that.... it doesn't seem like much of a stretch, even if it's something I personally do not and would not do.

With that said, I'm not always okay with lolita in relation to sexuality. First up, I'm not okay with people projecting one specific lolita's preferences onto all lolitas. Lolitas are a really diverse group of people spanning every sort of preference, so it's demeaning to reduce us to nothing more than a shared set of sexual deviations. And secondly, I'm not okay with people claiming lolita is something worn for sexual attention, or worn just to lure a certain kind of man. If some people wear lolita with those kinds of intentions, fine! But again, it's a little demeaning to just reduce a large, diverse group of people down to a few girls' preferences.

Also, semi-related story about an ex-boyfriend: When we first started dating, he used to complain all the time about how I wore lolita, and he would rant for hours about how it made me look ugly. When we got more serious, he finally shut up about it, but one day when I'd had a particularly sticky issue with a community I moderate and had complained for hours, he finally snapped and went on for about twenty minutes before I got him to calm down. I finally asked him why he didn't like lolita, and he responded, "It's cute and I think you look adorable in it, but I hate how it hides your sexy curves. I think it would look better without a petticoat."

Unsurprisingly, he and I didn't really talk about lolita after that XD
wonderfinch's avatar

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Almond Milks
wonderfinch
Almond Milks
I've been thinking about making a similar thread myself.

I don't think that dressing in lolita should make it so that you are not alowed to express your sexuality just because it sometimes gets confused with ageplay. Hell, I wouldn't even be offended if some age player thought it was sexy as long as they knew that the fashion wasn't intended that way, etc. All the anti-sexual and slut-shaming in the lolita community is total crap. I've actually been considering going to fetish and burlesque events in my AP dresses and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Fun fact: I'm asexual. Hooray for breaking stereotypes.

FWIW I've been to fetish and burlesque events in lolita and it's pretty fun~


I'm curious to how it's recieved at fetish events. Tell me more?

I found it was quite well-received! Especially since those kinds of events are dominated by people dressing in a certain way, everyone's always very excited to see something new and there are a ton of people who just genuinely want to know more about the fashion. Since a majority of the people at burlesque and fetish events are members of some kind of alternative subculture or fashion, they're a lot more accepting (or at least empathetic) than normal people.

I do, however, get a lot of people asking when I'm going onstage XD
Almond Milks's avatar

Profitable Businessman

wonderfinch
Almond Milks
wonderfinch
Almond Milks
I've been thinking about making a similar thread myself.

I don't think that dressing in lolita should make it so that you are not alowed to express your sexuality just because it sometimes gets confused with ageplay. Hell, I wouldn't even be offended if some age player thought it was sexy as long as they knew that the fashion wasn't intended that way, etc. All the anti-sexual and slut-shaming in the lolita community is total crap. I've actually been considering going to fetish and burlesque events in my AP dresses and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Fun fact: I'm asexual. Hooray for breaking stereotypes.

FWIW I've been to fetish and burlesque events in lolita and it's pretty fun~


I'm curious to how it's recieved at fetish events. Tell me more?

I found it was quite well-received! Especially since those kinds of events are dominated by people dressing in a certain way, everyone's always very excited to see something new and there are a ton of people who just genuinely want to know more about the fashion. Since a majority of the people at burlesque and fetish events are members of some kind of alternative subculture or fashion, they're a lot more accepting (or at least empathetic) than normal people.

I do, however, get a lot of people asking when I'm going onstage XD


So that sounds a lot like the sort of reaction I'd expect. Awesome! Sounds really positive.
wonderfinch's avatar

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Almond Milks
So that sounds a lot like the sort of reaction I'd expect. Awesome! Sounds really positive.

It is 3nodding Even the people who think I'm performing are very positive about it and they're more curious to know what my act will be, haha!

If you do opt to wear it to that kind of event, though, I'd just recommend being extra-careful. People at events are very nice, but I've had passersby, hobos, and even cab drivers attempt some pretty scary things when I'm dressed in lolita... it does, sadly, make you a bit of a target for negative attention outside of the "bubble" of a fun event.
Almond Milks's avatar

Profitable Businessman

wonderfinch
Almond Milks
So that sounds a lot like the sort of reaction I'd expect. Awesome! Sounds really positive.

It is 3nodding Even the people who think I'm performing are very positive about it and they're more curious to know what my act will be, haha!

If you do opt to wear it to that kind of event, though, I'd just recommend being extra-careful. People at events are very nice, but I've had passersby, hobos, and even cab drivers attempt some pretty scary things when I'm dressed in lolita... it does, sadly, make you a bit of a target for negative attention outside of the "bubble" of a fun event.


Oh I know. I wear the style almost daily (though not as OTT as I'd like) and I live in a redneck town. I mean quite literally. That's probably why I identify so strongly with Momoko, hehe. But yes, I live on the same road as the highschool, and walking into town to run errands means I have to walk right past where all the teenaged smokers congregate. I basically have to switch to the next road over to avoid the school even though it's out of the way... .and yes, I do wear lolita when running errands, haha. My point is, yes, I have had my fair share of harassment over it as well.
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Almond Milks
Oh I know. I wear the style almost daily (though not as OTT as I'd like) and I live in a redneck town. I mean quite literally. That's probably why I identify so strongly with Momoko, hehe. But yes, I live on the same road as the highschool, and walking into town to run errands means I have to walk right past where all the teenaged smokers congregate. I basically have to switch to the next road over to avoid the school even though it's out of the way... .and yes, I do wear lolita when running errands, haha. My point is, yes, I have had my fair share of harassment over it as well.

Haha, okay, just wanted to make sure!
skunkplayer's avatar

Dapper Flatterer

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Now this is a thread I have been waiting a long time to have started.

I am here to admit that I am one of those guys that is like her boyfriend. It is about the mystery and the "less is more" mentality. The world around us has too much skin showing and where is the mystery in that.

I want to create that identity for other guys that may be about this thread to share our appreciation and thanks that girls enjoy dressing up like that, for we like to look upon it.

And this was never an age play thing. I see a woman before me, mature and enjoying her own personal style
Yandiir's avatar

Timid Lover

I don't believe that a "Sexy" or "Sexually Attractive" Lolita isn't a Lolita. It's simply a different styled Lolita, just like a Goth/Victorian/Kawaii Lolita, Its simply categorized like every other type of Lolita. Just because some people like to show some skin doesn't mean they aren't any less Lolita than any other one.
homo ch r o m a t i c - -'s avatar

Exhibitionist

skunkplayer
Now this is a thread I have been waiting a long time to have started.

I am here to admit that I am one of those guys that is like her boyfriend. It is about the mystery and the "less is more" mentality. The world around us has too much skin showing and where is the mystery in that.

I want to create that identity for other guys that may be about this thread to share our appreciation and thanks that girls enjoy dressing up like that, for we like to look upon it.

And this was never an age play thing. I see a woman before me, mature and enjoying her own personal style


Love you, man. No homo. But because of you I don't have to type all that out.

But yes, basically, that's it. Lolita says independence from the mainstream, but ability to be a part of a group at the same time. It's ultra-feminine but also highlights a woman's strength in the fact that she can wear something so out of the normal expectation.

Do all girls have to wear Lolita to be strong? No. My girlfriend is the maxi skirt type. She would literally hurt me if ever I even mentioned the word "petticoat" or "stockings" or "lots of frills" (thankfully she does like bows and lace, though~).

It's feminine, while being graceful. Frankly, it's far more feminine than a woman in hot pants and a crop top. Something about the in-your-face brashness of that type of style reads as a rejection of femininity (now, that's going to get some comments, but I'm just saying that's how it can read). And no, you don't have to wear a bell to be a good woman, but it does give a woman a much more...gracious?...air.

To the guys (and girls) who think so, anyway.
Almond Milks's avatar

Profitable Businessman

Famously Deranged
I don't believe that a "Sexy" or "Sexually Attractive" Lolita isn't a Lolita. It's simply a different styled Lolita, just like a Goth/Victorian/Kawaii Lolita, Its simply categorized like every other type of Lolita. Just because some people like to show some skin doesn't mean they aren't any less Lolita than any other one.


Sexy doesn't have to mean showing skin, that's not the kind of attractive we are talking about. Skimpy clothing goes against most lolita styles aside from ero, so yes, if someone was showing off a lot of skin it probably would go against the lolita aesthetic.

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