Why Did You Leave Church?

[Master EKAT]

When I was a teenager, I was very active and involved with the church my parents attended, but as I got older and started interacting with unchurched people, I started to realize that not all of them were the scary and evil individuals that my church made them out to be. What I mean is that they weren't purposely trying to "steal my soul" and getting me to do hard drugs and worship Satan and all of that. Some of them were truly good people who had morals just like the church people did, although those morals differed slightly.

Then I went off to college, and, over the course of a few years, I continued to see the incongruency between the world that the church portrayed to me and the world I was experiencing for myself. I had a hard time with how the church treated homosexual people and people of differing faiths - the opinion that those people would have to change the most deeply ingrained parts of themselves in order for God and the church to accept them.

Now that I have graduated college and even more time has passed, I'll say that there's no way for me to ever go back to believing the way that I once did. I've just learned too much, seen too much for myself. I couldn't even force myself to believe everything I did, even if I wanted that. I would know I was living a lie, and the guilt would consume me. Unfortunately, this means my parents are now deeply concerned for me and my salvation, and fear that I am on my way to Hell. Almost every interaction with them includes expressions from them that they are praying for me, invitations to church (on nearly a weekly basis), and a general sense of disappointment with what I've become. I can relate to their feelings because that's how I felt towards those unchurched people I started growing attached to when I first met them in my late teens. I felt as if God charged me to witness and save them from Hell, and if I couldn't, then their blood would be on my hands, they'd suffer because I wasn't good enough to change them, and God would be disappointed in me. So I know my parents are not acting irrationally according to what they've been taught for the last 25 years or so. It's just that it hurts knowing that our relationship can never be only be about us as individuals. It can only be about them trying to save me. (So, yes, I do understand that there will be Christians that will read this post and think that it is their duty to witness to me. Please, save yourself the effort and disappointment of being unable to succeed with me. I grew up in church, I know better, if I one day somehow end up in Hell, my blood will be on my own hands because I'm responsible for myself. This post is specifically for people who are no longer Christians.)

I still believe in God. Just a much more loving and fair version of Him (Her, It, Whatever) than what is presented in the Bible. It's just that I can't adhere to strict Christianity, and my beliefs fall more under the Unitarian Universalist line of thinking these days.

Have any of you had similar experiences that you wouldn't mind sharing?
1. Why exactly did you decide to leave? Any specific examples?
2. Do you feel like you are being treated differently now than you were because of choices that should be left solely up to you to make? How do you deal with feeling like a disappointment, even when you are successful in every other aspect of life? Is your family even acknowledging that you made your own choice, or are they attributing it to something else (like the devil, or 'liberals')?
3. Do you sometimes find yourself missing the close knit relationships that the church provided you and the ones with your Christian family members? Do you ever miss the relationship you once felt like you had with God? How do you cope with that loss?


Any discussion about your experience with this is welcome and appreciated. If you have anything to share that I didn't cover in my questions, feel free.

[King Shining Heaven]

I went to church as a child, but gradually my whole family stopped going. Then later on, my mother started going more often and invited us to go, but we didn't want to, not because I was opposed to it, but because I'd rather read for myself.

[Pink Plaid]

Because i didn't believe and didn't want to fake believing any more. My family wasn't happy about it but its my life.

[Lamiroir]

Have any of you had similar experiences that you wouldn't mind sharing?
-Sure. I'm an Atheist.

1. Why exactly did you decide to leave? Any specific examples?
-I grew up in a Catholic household. As I grew up I started to question s**t that would either make people say stuff like "It's God's will" or just get mad at me for questioning them. I just found it all to be bullshit and now here I am. However, if it works for others well ******** good for them. Not my problem to deal with as long as they don't go preaching how they want me to find God and love him like he loves me or some s**t like that. ******** that kind of people.

2. Do you feel like you are being treated differently now than you were because of choices that should be left solely up to you to make?
-I used to be treated differently. I mean people weren't precisely rude to me, but you can feel when someone's judging you for your beliefs. Most of the people I know are religious, or pretend to be religious out of fear and because they don't wanna be judged.

How do you deal with feeling like a disappointment, even when you are successful in every other aspect of life?
-Only if it involves school I feel like s**t. Regarding religion or my personal choices as a woman, I get mad. It's no one's business but mine.

Is your family even acknowledging that you made your own choice, or are they attributing it to something else (like the devil, or 'liberals')?
-I feel like my mom thinks I'm corrupted or something. I'm nowhere near what she thought it'd be to have a daughter. I clash with her in a lot of things.

3. Do you sometimes find yourself missing the close knit relationships that the church provided you and the ones with your Christian family members?
-No. Actually I find myself more liberated now that I don't have to pretend I believe in God. I am less conflicted with myself.

Do you ever miss the relationship you once felt like you had with God? How do you cope with that loss?
-I don't.

[I Juxtaposed]

Never started.

[le vide noir]

1. Why exactly did you decide to leave? Any specific examples?I once attended church as a child every sunday until I decided that I like you, did not agree with how the church looks at homosexuality and equality.

2. Do you feel like you are being treated differently now than you were because of choices that should be left solely up to you to make? How do you deal with feeling like a disappointment, even when you are successful in every other aspect of life? Is your family even acknowledging that you made your own choice, or are they attributing it to something else (like the devil, or 'liberals')?
My parents think there is something wrong with not believing in the same things they do. It's stupid.

3. Do you sometimes find yourself missing the close knit relationships that the church provided you and the ones with your Christian family members? Do you ever miss the relationship you once felt like you had with God? How do you cope with that loss?
I miss relationships I had with people in church just because some christian people are incredibly sweet... But it's nothing I can't experience with anyone else. My relationship with god is the same, I just developed my own relationship and I still believe that there is truth, that love is real.

[Valtiel the Watcher]

It was never required to begin with.

[Marquis de Stahl]

Father said "Go in peace now to love and serve the Lord", so I knew it was wrapping up for the hour.






But seriously, I was raised Roman Catholic and even though I question several things the church teaches, I keep going for whatever reason. confused

[Everlasting Radiance]

I stopped going first because it was boring. Now I realize it's a load of nonsense as well.

[Shark Bacon]

Mostly because my grandma was the one to take me, and we moved away from where she lived.

But my mom doesn't do church because the one she went to was extreme money-grubbing. She says everything was about money there and you were supposed to give like a large amount of your money to the church. I don't remember what it was called, but since she didn't do church, I didn't do church once we left my grandma's.

But beyond that, I wouldn't go now because church just feels... judgmental. Like church-goers are the most judgmental people I know. And that's crazy because it's not their place. Like I'm pretty sure Christianity is all about forgiveness and leaving the judging to God, but that's certainly not the case in all the Christians I know.

I can't go and listen to someone preach about the evils of gays and premarital sex without flipping my s**t, so I just opt out.

Never had a relationship with God, really, I just went and sat for an hour, went to Sunday school and colored pictures of Jesus for another hour.

[Velvet Overkill]

Atheist, bro.

[freelance lover]

I'm actually still a Christian, but I haven't attended church regularly for years. I was very active in high school, and was blessed with a very accepting and progressive church and youth group. In college I did three summers with a church affiliated outreach program, and there were about 100 people doing it with me, so we formed a pretty tight faith community with weekly worship, and that was also an extremely positive experience. I also minor in religion, so I did continue studying the Bible and developing my faith on a more intellectual level. But finding a congregation I feel comfortable with has been hard.

I'm a very progressive and liberal Christian. I'm all about social justice and God's love, and a lot of church's don't really speak to me. Many are also much more conservative, and I fear being looked down upon for my belief in pluralism as well as the fact I live with my boyfriend out of wedlock. It's sad I have to be apprehensive about these things, but I am. If I join a church, I don't want to hide my beliefs or lifestyle, and churches that are down with those sorts of things are far and few between. I've also been pretty nomadic the last few years, so I didn't want to spend time getting invested in a community and leave a year later.

I'm hoping I can settle down soon, or that I'll be able to stay in one place for at least a few years and find a church I like. I also hate going to church by myself though. I dunno. I'd love to get back to it, but I'm just not sure when that will happen.

[m i r a c u l u m]

I never really was a part of it, to be honest. I wasn't baptised and never attended church on sundays. I left because I didn't believe and asked too many questions.

[Slinkenhofer]

I take the negative approach to the whole "It's God's will" thing. It made it easier having someone to blame for everything that's wrong with the world.

[Eisefin]

We never actively went in my household and while we were raised to be generally Christian (very loosely), our father made it apparent for us to choose our own paths in life and to make such decisions for ourselves. We never had a baptism, we never attended church unless we made the decision to do so, and I was never expected to read the Bible. My father taught me the basics of human life while growing up: Don’t steal or damage property that isn’t yours, don’t harm yourself or others, and do unto others as others would do unto you. Basic enough to shape yourself into a decent person, wouldn’t you think?

My husband is a Nondenominational Christian, he was baptized at the age of thirteen because he made that choice, and he wants to attend church regularly like he used to, but between work, college and raising a family it’s kind of difficult. Besides, he thinks it’s best to start going when the children are old enough to sit and pay attention for more than fifteen minutes at a time and I agree. He also wants to find a church that suits us best. He doesn’t want to go to a small community church where everyone knows everyone, but he also doesn’t want to go to one of those mega-churches that is like the Walmart of churches. Something in the middle like his old church, this isn’t around anymore.

I wouldn’t mind going with him and I wouldn’t mind our kids having the opportunities to learn about religion either. I wasn’t closed off from religion entirely because my grandparents still taught us some things; I just wasn’t made to go. If our kids make the decision that they don’t want to go then that’s fine and likewise for the other way around.

I like my husband’s views on religion, well, his own anyway. It makes sense and I can stand behind it, but I don’t have my faith placed anywhere really that I cannot find feasible. I don’t know what I technically am.