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Brun Bear's avatar

Greedy Lunatic

I don't get what the big deal is with virgins. I don't see the appeal and I don't see a problem.

The only thing I would be concerned about is the emotional part of sex. It can hurt in more ways than one if your partner makes you feel unloved. Those that think they don't want sex/think it's not important I'd imagine will react more severely and confused if sex changes their mind. That and I've seen sex change people, mostly not in a good way.

But then again, I have no idea who you are.
betheothergirl's avatar

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Blackrose_Knight
I think you have made your choice on false facts, and trumped up anti-sex propaganda. I disagree with how you came to your conclusion, but it is your conclusion.

False facts and antisex propaganda? What false facts have I mentioned? What is the indication that I've been affected by 'antisex propaganda' when I'm hardly 'antisex' in the least.
I'm not sure how I came to my "conclusion," nor am I sure how you came to yours about how I've made my choice.
Acadiia's avatar

Girl-Crazy Noob

IDGAF, I'm waiting 'til marriage.

Everyone assumes I have had sex because I have a boyfriend, but nope, we haven't :3

You know you have a special guy when he's willing to wait for it because he knows you're really the one Unlike other guys I've met who've asked me to have sex with them within the first few days of meeting them
Sexual Innuendo's avatar

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Brasa Shikabane
I get judged by family sometimes over this topic. It makes me rather uncomfortable. I'm the quiet introverted type and don't really want to bother with something like that unless it is with someone I have a truly deep bond with. Having sex just to have it is empty. I want my first time to mean something more then having the right to say "LOL I DID IT".

I completely agree. Sure, sex feels good and might be fun, but it's for making babies, and if I'm going to have it, it's going to be with someone I want to raise a family with.
Lol, sex is not just for making babies. Most mammals have sex for pleasure as well as reproduction, so even Mother Nature herself disagrees with you.
Onigetoe's avatar

Beloved Sex Symbol

Good for you for waiting until you are ready. I waited until I was 20 and people bugged me about it for the longest time. Then when I did it was no big deal, it was and wasn't everything I thought it was (can't explain what I mean by that)

But it is refreshing to see people are still waiting smile
betheothergirl's avatar

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Middendorffi
I don't get what the big deal is with virgins. I don't see the appeal and I don't see a problem.

The only thing I would be concerned about is the emotional part of sex. It can hurt in more ways than one if your partner makes you feel unloved. Those that think they don't want sex/think it's not important I'd imagine will react more severely and confused if sex changes their mind. That and I've seen sex change people, mostly not in a good way.

But then again, I have no idea who you are.

For me there's no "big deal." I just want to wait, mostly based on risks I'm not ready to take. Emotional risks, risk of STD and pregnancy, and just personal values. You say it like each virgin has the exact same reasons for doing so, like there's only one "big deal" that makes them make the choice. A lot of virgins are like you really. They don't see the appeal of sex, and they don't see the problem with not having it.
Most people don't 'think' they don't want sex. They generally don't. And their opinions sometimes will change about how important it is to them after they've had it (most likely due to not being open about it). I don't downplay the importance of sex in a relationship, I just personally don't see it as the most important thing, and am fairly certain I could find ways around it if it didn't work out sexually.
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Blackrose_Knight
I think you have made your choice on false facts, and trumped up anti-sex propaganda. I disagree with how you came to your conclusion, but it is your conclusion.

False facts and antisex propaganda? What false facts have I mentioned? What is the indication that I've been affected by 'antisex propaganda' when I'm hardly 'antisex' in the least.
I'm not sure how I came to my "conclusion," nor am I sure how you came to yours about how I've made my choice.


You fear the "I also choose to wait because I know the risks that come with sex, and when I decide to face them, I want to be fairly positive my partner will face them with me. It's not because I think sex is wrong, simply something I want to wait for."

Trumped up risks with propagana. Take it this way. I have slept with, or had sexual contact at least 5 people in 4 years, all of which I love(d). I have never had an STI and never gotten pregnant. Yes, there are risks to sex, but the can almost be reduced to NILL if you have sex responsibly; meaning, using condoms, and other forms of birth control, having sex with people you know and know their STI status, avoid drunken one night stands and having sex while intoxicated.

The risk factor on its own is scary, sure, just like driving down the road in a cardboard box with a motor sounds like a horrifying experience. But we have the technology and basic knowledge to keep safe and have sex. We have seat belts, airbags, tires with better treads, to keep us safe on the road. We have condoms, birth control, STI testing, and logical techniques to picking a safe sex partner, to keep us safe in bed.

Like I said, your reason is based of trumped and hyped up scare tactics.
betheothergirl's avatar

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Sexual Innuendo
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Brasa Shikabane
I get judged by family sometimes over this topic. It makes me rather uncomfortable. I'm the quiet introverted type and don't really want to bother with something like that unless it is with someone I have a truly deep bond with. Having sex just to have it is empty. I want my first time to mean something more then having the right to say "LOL I DID IT".

I completely agree. Sure, sex feels good and might be fun, but it's for making babies, and if I'm going to have it, it's going to be with someone I want to raise a family with.
Lol, sex is not just for making babies. Most mammals have sex for pleasure as well as reproduction, so even Mother Nature herself disagrees with you.

It's 100% for making babies. It being pleasurable does not stop the fact that we have sex to make offspring. It being pleasurable is a way to make it something animals want to have. This, in turn, leads to babies. The pleasure itself is a part of the mechanism to make babies.
So sex is not for pleasure. It is pleasurable, but it's for making babies. That is it's purpose. Mother nature is just smart and knew how to make it much more interesting in order for us to have lots of babies.
Brun Bear's avatar

Greedy Lunatic

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Middendorffi
I don't get what the big deal is with virgins. I don't see the appeal and I don't see a problem.

The only thing I would be concerned about is the emotional part of sex. It can hurt in more ways than one if your partner makes you feel unloved. Those that think they don't want sex/think it's not important I'd imagine will react more severely and confused if sex changes their mind. That and I've seen sex change people, mostly not in a good way.

But then again, I have no idea who you are.

For me there's no "big deal." I just want to wait, mostly based on risks I'm not ready to take. Emotional risks, risk of STD and pregnancy, and just personal values. You say it like each virgin has the exact same reasons for doing so, like there's only one "big deal" that makes them make the choice. A lot of virgins are like you really. They don't see the appeal of sex, and they don't see the problem with not having it.
Most people don't 'think' they don't want sex. They generally don't. And their opinions sometimes will change about how important it is to them after they've had it (most likely due to not being open about it). I don't downplay the importance of sex in a relationship, I just personally don't see it as the most important thing, and am fairly certain I could find ways around it if it didn't work out sexually.
Oh I didn't mean it like that, I think you misunderstood me a little. I meant I don't see why virgins are seen as controversial.

I'm curious now though, would you rather your partner think sex is not important also, or does that not matter to you?
Blackrose_Knight's avatar

Devoted Pirate

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It's 100% for making babies.



Wrong. Also a lie you have been told. Our closet primate relatives that have the closest sexual-social structure to humans are Bonobo monkeys. They have sex to say hello, solidify family-tribe ties, to gain social status, and other reasons. Sex for the bonobo is not strictly for baby making. The sex act to baby making sex act ratio is low. There are way, way more sex acts per pregnancy than say, a gorilla, which does not engage is the social use of sex. Gorillas have sex to make babies. Humans and bonobos, do not.

I am working on pulling up the source for this. My google foo is not working as well as it can be. But there will be a source.

Studies suggest 75 percent of bonobo sex is nonreproductive and that nearly all bonobos are bisexual. National Geographic article

Primatologist Frans de Waal believes that Bonobos use sexual activity to resolve conflict between individuals

International Journal of Primatology
Volume 18, Number 1, 1-21, DOI: 10.1023/A:1026384922066

Whither the bonobo? When discussing our evolutionary origins, science has a habit of focusing on chimps alone, which are aggressive and cruel. But the authors point out that the peaceable bonobo is just as closely related and may actually have more in common with humans in terms of “socio-sexual behavior and infant development” (page 77). The libidinous bonobos, however, are routinely ignored by researchers, “simply because bonobos raise doubts about the naturalness of human long-term pair bonding” (page 75).
In Regards to the Book, Sex at Dawn which I own and think you should read


Hidden Agenda

It’s not so much hidden: the authors want people to stop deluding themselves about the ease of lifelong commitment. As Ryan said in one of his guest “Savage Love” columns, “Our greatest ambition for Sex at Dawn is that it will encourage young people like you to clarify their sexual nature before signing on to long-term commitments they can’t get out of later without making a huge mess.” The authors have been careful to say that they’re not encouraging everyone to take up with multiple partners, but to be realistic about how humans are designed to operate.


Taken from same source as above.

What I am asking you to be is REALISTIC about your sexuality, and not lie or delude yourself because of what someone has said. To do that, you need the facts about sex, not trumped up lies spoon fed to you by an anti-sex government and religion that thinks sex is amoral and icky.
I Shall Grant You NoMercy's avatar

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Eh, when I hear someones saving it for marriage, I can't really help but think "Oh god, he/she sounds terribly boring,dull, and nerdy. (Not the good kind of nerdy, the bad, 'gose to church everyday and quotes the bible in every sentence' kind of nerdy.)
I know people have their reasons and all, but I can't help but think that everytime someones said there're waiting 'till marriage.
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betheothergirl's avatar

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Blackrose_Knight
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Blackrose_Knight
I think you have made your choice on false facts, and trumped up anti-sex propaganda. I disagree with how you came to your conclusion, but it is your conclusion.

False facts and antisex propaganda? What false facts have I mentioned? What is the indication that I've been affected by 'antisex propaganda' when I'm hardly 'antisex' in the least.
I'm not sure how I came to my "conclusion," nor am I sure how you came to yours about how I've made my choice.


You fear the "I also choose to wait because I know the risks that come with sex, and when I decide to face them, I want to be fairly positive my partner will face them with me. It's not because I think sex is wrong, simply something I want to wait for."

Trumped up risks with propagana. Take it this way. I have slept with, or had sexual contact at least 5 people in 4 years, all of which I love(d). I have never had an STI and never gotten pregnant. Yes, there are risks to sex, but the can almost be reduced to NILL if you have sex responsibly; meaning, using condoms, and other forms of birth control, having sex with people you know and know their STI status, avoid drunken one night stands and having sex while intoxicated.

The risk factor on its own is scary, sure, just like driving down the road in a cardboard box with a motor sounds like a horrifying experience. But we have the technology and basic knowledge to keep safe and have sex. We have seat belts, airbags, tires with better treads, to keep us safe on the road. We have condoms, birth control, STI testing, and logical techniques to picking a safe sex partner, to keep us safe in bed.

Like I said, your reason is based of trumped and hyped up scare tactics.


Hardly. Don't pin me as some uneducated t**t who is so swayed by the propaganda that never occurred in my school system (our schools and community advocated smart, safe sex, not abstinence). The fact of the matter is, the risk is still there. It may be minuscule. It could be no more than a 1 in a billion chance that it'll happen to me. But I'm not willing to be that 1 in a billion. Because, to me, the risks far outweigh the benefits, since I'm not ready for any of them. If they do happen, which is very unlikely, but still a chance, I'd be ********. Especially right now as a college student. So I do know the risks. It's not a risk that I think is worth it.
So it's not based off scare tactics. No one, at any point scared me into these values. In fact these risks are not my reason for being a virgin. They're just one thing that I put onto the pile, one thing that I say makes it not worth it for me. Because when I have a steady career and am old enough that infection and pregnancy to concern me, it's no longer something I'll include on my list of "reasons not to have sex"
There is some influence from religion. There are also personal values about love and marriage, which make up the bulk of my reasons. Not everyone has these values, and that's cool. But I want sex to be with someone I absolutely intend to be with for the rest of my life. Since biologically sex is for making babies, I also want it to be with someone I want to raise a family with. These are personal values. These are not wrong, since personal values cannot be wrong. Not everyone will have them, but I'm hardly an idiot if I do.
iKyuutai's avatar

Witty Raider

I don't plan on saving sex for marriage but.. I don't plan on sleeping with everybody I know.
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I get dirty looks when someone finds out that I'm saving myself for someone that I love, and who loves me back and plan to stay together for a while.
Like.. Seriously? I'm considered bad, wrong, horrible, etc, for not being interested in sleeping around.
betheothergirl's avatar

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I Shall Grant You NoMercy
Eh, when I hear someones saving it for marriage, I can't really help but think "Oh god, he/she sounds terribly boring,dull, and nerdy. (Not the good kind of nerdy, the bad, 'gose to church everyday and quotes the bible in every sentence' kind of nerdy.)
I know people have their reasons and all, but I can't help but think that everytime someones said there're waiting 'till marriage.
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Last time I went to church was for my sister's baptism a couple months ago. Before that, it was probably at a wedding a few years ago. I mean, I nerdy, but not that kind of nerdy. I don't think I dull or boring though. Maybe a tad bit, but I'm usually a bit of an oddball. Like I said earlier, I'm probably the most sexual of many of my friends, even though I'm quite content with my virginity.

Just something to think about.
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Well, discrimination isn't quite the right word.
Has anyone else been judged for making the choice to be a virgin? Often when people hear that I'm a virgin and waiting for marriage, they assume it's for religious reasons, and say that I really should be having sex before I'm married. "Try before you buy," they say, not uncommonly with a bit of a sneer, as if I'm stupid or something.
I feel like this is me going up to someone and saying "You should not be having sex before you're married, stupid." Which I would never do, because to me, it's not a matter of should, but when you're ready, and what you feel about sex. It's not my place to judge someone who's decided to have premarital sex. In fact, I think it's fine, and as long as they're comfortable with it, so am I.
Now, while I've chosen to wait in part due to religious reasons, it's mostly for personal reasons. The same reason I'm waiting to drink until I'm legal here (19, only a couple more months, though I did once drink in Quebec, but I was legal there). I also choose to wait because I know the risks that come with sex, and when I decide to face them, I want to be fairly positive my partner will face them with me. It's not because I think sex is wrong, simply something I want to wait for.

So yeah, back to my original question. Has anyone else been on the receiving end of judgment due to virginity? Maybe you're the judge yourself? Do you find it kind of funny that only 50 years ago, it was the complete opposite, where people thought you were strange if you didn't wait for marriage?
Its al olot worse for males than chicks I mean since Im a male they atoumatically assume Im not a virgin and when I am its the end of the world ugh but I deal with it

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