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NOT REACHABLE's avatar

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POlSON CANDY
I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding


Sweetheart, I'm not 'missing out' on anything. I've no interest in having sex right now, and if for some reason I really want to have sex before marriage, I'm not barred from doing so, nor will I feel guilty. It's simply something I want to do, because of my personal views seeing it as something being between people who love each other dearly, and my value on marriage. And while I've never actually had sex, I do know how to pleasure myself, so it's not an issue of 'not knowing.' I know sex is an absolutely wonderful thing. I know how good it feels when you've hit the right spot. I'm positive it's even better with the right sex partner.

Now, that's an argument people try to me all the time--I might marry someone who can't please me, that we can't have a good relationship. But the fact of the matter, knowing someone will be good with you does not mean having sex with them beforehand. Being open and talking about sex, and learning about each others fetishes and kinks and spots can help you figure out if being sex partners is something you can do successfully. You can be sexual with each other without having sex (mutual masturbation, and other intimate moments, for example). There's also the fact that if we do end up together and don't enjoy sex with him, what's the big deal? If I've gone however long without sex, I'm sure I can go longer. You don't need sex with each other to be sexually happy. And if he were to enjoy it, I'd still please him. If he didn't, well, so what. Because if he lets that ruin a marriage, well, I suppose I made a mistake with who I married. I can go on with life perfectly content.
I'm glad you're standing your ground. I respect that. I'm sure you'll be just fine. 3nodding
betheothergirl's avatar

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Once I was on a date with this one chick, and she said she was waiting for marriage, so I said, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get a lemonade" and then I never came back.

But since your thread is at least somewhat on topic compared to most of the one's today, I'll give you a serious answer and say that I don't really care if someone wants to wait for marriage or not (though I might tease them about it if we're friends). I don't think it's the best idea, but it's not my job to try to talk others out of their own choices, even if I disagree with them. Their life, their choice, and unless we're dating, it's none of my business. But not everyone is going to be so polite, whether that's right or not, and when you make almost any choice, someone's sure to decide that it's their job to talk you out of it, so it's something you're just going to have to get used to.


And see, that's totally a good thing. You know what you need in a partner. You know that a relationship with someone who is waiting is not the relationship for you and move on. But, by the sounds of it, you don't think any less of them.
And teasing is fine, my friend tease me all the time. I can separate between the teasers and the people who are actually judging me based on something so trivial.
Yeah, I've gotten used to it, I was just curious if anyone else had faced it too. Apparently I'm not the only one, which makes me feel a bit better about myself, I suppose. Not that I was really down about it in the first place.
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I get judged by family sometimes over this topic. It makes me rather uncomfortable. I'm the quiet introverted type and don't really want to bother with something like that unless it is with someone I have a truly deep bond with. Having sex just to have it is empty. I want my first time to mean something more than having the right to say "LOL I DID IT".
betheothergirl's avatar

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POlSON CANDY
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POlSON CANDY
I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding


Sweetheart, I'm not 'missing out' on anything. I've no interest in having sex right now, and if for some reason I really want to have sex before marriage, I'm not barred from doing so, nor will I feel guilty. It's simply something I want to do, because of my personal views seeing it as something being between people who love each other dearly, and my value on marriage. And while I've never actually had sex, I do know how to pleasure myself, so it's not an issue of 'not knowing.' I know sex is an absolutely wonderful thing. I know how good it feels when you've hit the right spot. I'm positive it's even better with the right sex partner.

Now, that's an argument people try to me all the time--I might marry someone who can't please me, that we can't have a good relationship. But the fact of the matter, knowing someone will be good with you does not mean having sex with them beforehand. Being open and talking about sex, and learning about each others fetishes and kinks and spots can help you figure out if being sex partners is something you can do successfully. You can be sexual with each other without having sex (mutual masturbation, and other intimate moments, for example). There's also the fact that if we do end up together and don't enjoy sex with him, what's the big deal? If I've gone however long without sex, I'm sure I can go longer. You don't need sex with each other to be sexually happy. And if he were to enjoy it, I'd still please him. If he didn't, well, so what. Because if he lets that ruin a marriage, well, I suppose I made a mistake with who I married. I can go on with life perfectly content.
I'm glad you're standing your ground. I respect that. I'm sure you'll be just fine. 3nodding


Ha, thanks. If you couldn't guess, this is something I come across a lot. I often tend to "win" the debate because the people I talk to are often very squeamish talking about sex, and don't really know how to respond when I start talking about it in that way. It's like they think talking to their partner about sex is awkward and sex is just something they do.
I've always found that funny; people assume I'm some innocent little virgin, but are often surprised and even disturbed about my openness about sex and the body. Yet they tend to try and give off this air that sex is no big deal. They may have more experience, but I've got some knowledge packing in this brain of mine.
It's no ones business or right to tell you when you should or shouldn't be having sex. It's your life, & just because they don't agree doesn't mean they're right or you're wrong. I haven't been judged for being a virgin... I guess I kinda judge, because I wanted a boyfriend that was a virgin. & I got one, ha.
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It's your decision, and it isn't a bad one either. It's really noones business what you decide to do with your sexual life. If they think negatively about it, well, then ******** them. True friends and people who love you will accept you no matter what decision you make, and those are the only people that matter.

Thanks
betheothergirl's avatar

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I get judged by family sometimes over this topic. It makes me rather uncomfortable. I'm the quiet introverted type and don't really want to bother with something like that unless it is with someone I have a truly deep bond with. Having sex just to have it is empty. I want my first time to mean something more then having the right to say "LOL I DID IT".

I completely agree. Sure, sex feels good and might be fun, but it's for making babies, and if I'm going to have it, it's going to be with someone I want to raise a family with.
virgins bug me for some reason. its not enough for me to judge them, but its one of those things i dont like about people who are. However, I do like to have sex with virgins. they give better reactions.
betheothergirl's avatar

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masters-slavegirl
virgins bug me for some reason. its not enough for me to judge them, but its one of those things i dont like about people who are. However, I do like to have sex with virgins. they give better reactions.

Why don't you like it. It's not a personality trait like being overly excitable, or some sort of physical annoyance that you have trouble looking at. It's something that does not even begin to affect you, and if friends or the virgin doesn't tell you, you'd never know. How is it something that can "bug" you. How can virgins bug you if you don't even know who are the virgins.
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masters-slavegirl
virgins bug me for some reason. its not enough for me to judge them, but its one of those things i dont like about people who are. However, I do like to have sex with virgins. they give better reactions.

Why don't you like it. It's not a personality trait like being overly excitable, or some sort of physical annoyance that you have trouble looking at. It's something that does not even begin to affect you, and if friends or the virgin doesn't tell you, you'd never know. How is it something that can "bug" you. How can virgins bug you if you don't even know who are the virgins.



I have absolutely no clue. It just bugs me, is all. I don't know why, nor is it actually intentional.
Blackrose_Knight's avatar

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I think you have made your choice on false facts, and trumped up anti-sex propaganda. I disagree with how you came to your conclusion, but it is your conclusion.
Rapturous Cheshire's avatar

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Don't feel bad for waiting. To be honest I wish I waited until I was with my fiance. He waited until he was 20 before having sex for the first time and I'm the 3rd girl he's been with. I love him to death and he knows how the please me even with lack of experience. Don't ever think that just because you get an early start that you'll suck or the person you may be with might suck. The whole reason of a marriage is to work together to please one another whether it be sexually, emotionally, or in any aspect. Don't let what everyone tells you get to you and bring you down. I get dirty looks for being a young mom but I love my son, and I wouldn't change it for the world. So don't change what you believe in because someone else looks down on it.
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Hello, I really like how you decided not to drink until you are of age, cause I did the same thing. I found it a good test for self-control and perseverance.

So for being a virgin. From what you are saying, I think the issue is more focused on refraining from sex before marriage.

Since you are choosing not to have sex until you find your partner, then there are several things that you benefit from.
No chance of STDs/STIs/AIDS from sex. Yeah? That's a good one eh? XD
And for myself, I don't want to emotionally attach myself to someone I am not going to spend the rest of my life with.

That said, some people will find the action of not having sex as an act of "I am so much better than you".
And it's true, there are people who look down upon people who aren't virgins.

Am I on the side of judgement, or the receiving end? Honestly I have looked down upon people who had sex, and I was an a** about whenever that topic was brought up. But I've also been ridiculed about not having sex. And not having any girls being attracted to me helps a lot. Aaaa lot.
Blackrose_Knight's avatar

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I completely agree. Sure, sex feels good and might be fun, but it's for making babies, and if I'm going to have it, it's going to be with someone I want to raise a family with.
To you, perhaps, but not for everyone. You only having sex to make babies doesn't effect me in any way. Nor does my sex for strictly pleasure effect you in anyway. When you force the thought that my sex has to ONLY be for baby makin; and I intern force my thoughts that YOUR sex has to be only for pleasure, is when friction happens.
Sexual Innuendo's avatar

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I mean, I wouldn't judge someone based on whether they're a virgin or not, but if you're waiting until marriage, that's just ridiculous. Like, I'm not saying I wouldn't be friends with you, because I am friends with several people who are waiting for marriage, but I just feel that it's a disaster waiting to happen.

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