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x_Silver_Starlight_x's avatar

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Well, discrimination isn't quite the right word.
Has anyone else been judged for making the choice to be a virgin? Often when people hear that I'm a virgin and waiting for marriage, they assume it's for religious reasons, and say that I really should be having sex before I'm married. "Try before you buy," they say, not uncommonly with a bit of a sneer, as if I'm stupid or something.
I feel like this is me going up to someone and saying "You should not be having sex before you're married, stupid." Which I would never do, because to me, it's not a matter of should, but when you're ready, and what you feel about sex. It's not my place to judge someone who's decided to have premarital sex. In fact, I think it's fine, and as long as they're comfortable with it, so am I.
Now, while I've chosen to wait in part due to religious reasons, it's mostly for personal reasons. The same reason I'm waiting to drink until I'm legal here (19, only a couple more months, though I did once drink in Quebec, but I was legal there). I also choose to wait because I know the risks that come with sex, and when I decide to face them, I want to be fairly positive my partner will face them with me. It's not because I think sex is wrong, simply something I want to wait for.

So yeah, back to my original question. Has anyone else been on the receiving end of judgment due to virginity? Maybe you're the judge yourself? Do you find it kind of funny that only 50 years ago, it was the complete opposite, where people thought you were strange if you didn't wait for marriage?
Pixelated Dust's avatar

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It's your decision, and it isn't a bad one either. It's really noones business what you decide to do with your sexual life. If they think negatively about it, well, then ******** them. True friends and people who love you will accept you no matter what decision you make, and those are the only people that matter.
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I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding
Admiral Absurd's avatar

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I'm judged all the time for not being a virgin.
Wonkiphant's avatar

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Yes OP, people that make different life choices than you may discriminate against you for them.

It happens with just about everything.
Dolce Rogue's avatar

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People just don't believe I'm a virgin.
They think it's because I'm a goddamn prude and/or a sad woman destined to be a cat lady.
Thing is, getting c**k isn't that hard, it's just that I don't put sex on a pedestal nor I consider it to be that important. Sure, I'll have sex eventually but even then, I won't be all "OMFG emotion_kirakira " about it.
Once I was on a date with this one chick, and she said she was waiting for marriage, so I said, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get a lemonade" and then I never came back.

But since your thread is at least somewhat on topic compared to most of the one's today, I'll give you a serious answer and say that I don't really care if someone wants to wait for marriage or not (though I might tease them about it if we're friends). I don't think it's the best idea, but it's not my job to try to talk others out of their own choices, even if I disagree with them. Their life, their choice, and unless we're dating, it's none of my business. But not everyone is going to be so polite, whether that's right or not, and when you make almost any choice, someone's sure to decide that it's their job to talk you out of it, so it's something you're just going to have to get used to.
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I got the same reactions when I was younger. I would tell people I wanted to wait till marriage and they'd give me dirty looks.
Then when I was 16, I was in a sexually abusive relationship. I never told anyone that it was abusive, I just told them that we were sexually active. I would get smack for that too. People are just judgmental. They don't care to hear your story, they will just jump to conclusions when you tell them your decisions. There will always be someone who disagrees with your decisions.
Since issues with your sex life can ruin a marriage I can't help but wonder if people that have sex after marriage are more likely to divorce or not, since they didn't experience any sex life issues before their marriage.
1tty bitty kitty's avatar

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I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding

People get better at sex, even if it sucks the first time, that doesn't mean it's always going to suck.
I wanna lose my virginity to the right guy.. but I'm not waiting for a boyfriend.. Just someone I love
NOT REACHABLE's avatar

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1tty bitty kitty
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I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding

People get better at sex, even if it sucks the first time, that doesn't mean it's always going to suck.
Some people get better, and some don't. Depends on the person, and It depends on size as well. Either way I think it's quite a gamble to just leave it up to one person. Just my opinion. doesn't mean it's true. xd
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Actually, I've found mostly the opposite. I tend to get 'I'm so proud of you's and 'I wish I'd have waited, too's rather than anything else. Occasionally, people will raise their eyebrows, but that's usually more because they don't believe it; if they do, then there's nothing else said about it. It's a personal choice. I don't judge people who aren't virgins, and they don't judge me, live and let live. Sure, I might run into people who think it 'strange', but maybe I find having sex at 16 strange, too. xD (I don't, for the record, but essentially, it works in the same way) ... oh well.

For me, it started out as a choice to wait until marriage, for silly reasons I wasn't even sure of. Over the years, it's morphed into a complete lack of interest in my part. I don't see myself as rushing into it, and I don't see myself as having sex with an awful lot of people ... ultimately, I really don't give a crap about sex right now. Doesn't mean I can judge people who enjoy it.

I don't see why it matters.
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1tty bitty kitty
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I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding

People get better at sex, even if it sucks the first time, that doesn't mean it's always going to suck.
Some people get better, and some don't. Depends on the person, and It depends on size as well. Either way I think it's quite a gamble to just leave it up to one person. Just my opinion. doesn't mean it's true. xd

With good communication, anyone can get better.
When you trust someone, you trust them. You trust that they'll do what it takes to make you happy. Trust is always a gamble.
x_Silver_Starlight_x's avatar

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I can't help but judge people who decide to be virgins by choice til marriage. They have no clue how much they're missing... not only that but since they wait so long, it sets them up for false expectations on what their first time is going to be like. There's also a chance they're be stuck with someone who sucks at sex for life. Life should be lived to the fullest. Not to be wasted on solely one person...

But that's just my opinion. If you wanna live life not knowing about all the amazing sex you're missing out on, then good for you. Good sex makes a great relationship. If you make a commitment to someone who flat out sucks in bed, then your life is going to suck. 3nodding


Sweetheart, I'm not 'missing out' on anything. I've no interest in having sex right now, and if for some reason I really want to have sex before marriage, I'm not barred from doing so, nor will I feel guilty. It's simply something I want to do, because of my personal views seeing it as something being between people who love each other dearly, and my value on marriage. And while I've never actually had sex, I do know how to pleasure myself, so it's not an issue of 'not knowing.' I know sex is an absolutely wonderful thing. I know how good it feels when you've hit the right spot. I'm positive it's even better with the right sex partner.

Now, that's an argument people try to me all the time--I might marry someone who can't please me, that we can't have a good relationship. But the fact of the matter, knowing someone will be good with you does not mean having sex with them beforehand. Being open and talking about sex, and learning about each others fetishes and kinks and spots can help you figure out if being sex partners is something you can do successfully. You can be sexual with each other without having sex (mutual masturbation, and other intimate moments, for example). There's also the fact that if we do end up together and don't enjoy sex with him, what's the big deal? If I've gone however long without sex, I'm sure I can go longer. You don't need sex with each other to be sexually happy. And if he were to enjoy it, I'd still please him. If he didn't, well, so what. Because if he lets that ruin a marriage, well, I suppose I made a mistake with who I married. I can go on with life perfectly content.

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